Boni_Bee

Nice.... :) Some lines were a bit too long, for the rest of the poem, but I liked this. Good job

wow, those are great!!!! :)

This was good, but there's something about it I don't like...and I can't work out what it is :? I think it needs a bit more emotion (whatever emotion cheese ...

Nice! :) I agree with BlackDaisy, but I like the idea of the poem, very origional

noise

I agree with forest ofthe nightingale, and the second stanza didn't ryme to well. Some of the words were a bit forced, but its pretty good.

There is such a thing as a on a drum. I knew what you were saying. Some of the ryming was a bit forced, and choppy, but it was pretty ...

I didn't like this. It was scattered, like xanthan gum said, and it just didn't have anything to make you want to read it again. I think it needs some ...

Nice. It was good, but it needs a bit of punctuation, as it makes you rush through it if you don't. The last couple of lines sort of didn't fit, ...

Payday Payday comes around again But Only Once a week I'm sitting staring thinking Whys the world so bleak The start was good, but the last line sort of fell ...

You look deep in my eyes, And still can't see my pain. You say you need me for strength, And everything will be okay someday. That one didn't ryme in ...

It's sweet, but a bit bland, and doesn't hold my attention. The ryming went off well, but I think you could have a bit more emotion in it. There is ...

What Noxious said :D I think it really needs a bit more description of the men/the room etc

Nice!!! :) I think some of the stanza's could be a be longer, and the short, abruptness takes the feeling out of it, but I think it's a nice poem, ...

Ok, I changed it :) I'm glad it was was meant to be :) lol You don't have to punctuate Mr any more so there!!! lol