Boni_Bee

This is interesting.....only the first two stanzas rymned though, and that broke it up, I didn't like it after that.

Chapter Eight Landon turned the camera on and they started down the steep hill. “And we’re off on a midnight journey into the woods,” he said dramatically behind the camera. ...

Ok, here is the link to the other chapters :)

If anyone is going to crit this, please read the first two chapters first. I'd really like someone to critique this, so I know what to improve in the next ...

Athen Symphonic music played throughout the off-white marble halls. The men in the dark blue coat-tails played furiously at a fast paced song. The 'fast paced song' doesn't really, fit....maybe ...

You had me stuck for a bit too! It was sort of relieving to find out it was only a play!!! lol Very interesting :)

I agree with Qi on the crits....it's too short and full of description, and it didn't have any impact on me at all, it was rather boring, hearing about all ...

This is interesting, although it made me think that what would happen with the rest of the story is that all she would do is get wise, and nothing would ...

Thanks Mesh!!! I understand what you're getting at. The first sentance is meant to be in italics because she is thinking, not talking! lol The reason she is not scared ...

Cool :) This needs a bit more work on description, but the dialogue is pretty good, although I don't think you need to suggest that they are going to do/see ...

I love this!!!!!! :D I think the idea is great, and apart from a couple of lines, I really like it!!!! What an awesome poem! And listened to their song. ...

Whatever..... :roll:

Interesting.....no...Intreaguing... :D I like this, although you spent more time on description, rather than dialogue, and I think you almost over did it.... I prefer it when you make any ...

Another good chapter :) I think you spent too much time on dialog though, but it was ok. The last line was could have been mane a bit more interesting/full ...

Great!!!! I didn't like the start of this chapter, but the end was good. I like how Ness and Landon have 'clicked', and I can't wait to read more!!! :D