Boni_Bee

LOL, this was hilarious!!! I liked it, and it had a good twist of humor. :P

Thanks, areida :) It did clear it up. I didn't mean she went from being young in the prologue, to the chapter one, I mean't she seemed older in the ...

ditto^ I'd like to see the next bit :) There could be a bit more description and emotion in it though...I didn't really get an idea of the countryside/castle...

This was interesting. The sentances need to be broken up into paragraphs, especially the dialogue, as it makes it very hard to read, otherwise. It was very abrupt, and not ...

A good start, but everything moved along really quickly. She went from being a little 6yr old (?) to more like an eight or nine year old. I liked the ...

“Master Jon, is it time for my studies again?” said the little boy , still dressed in his night clothes. The long white robes glided on the clean marble below ...

Oh, ok....could you link the prologue to this chapter then? I'll read it :)

What J.Haux said. It was an interesting story, but you didn't explain much about the characters, and it sort of jumped around a bit, and you need some sort of ...

I like this :D It doesn't have as much emotion as I would like it to, and Gavan seems a bit too serious, although caring. I like the plot, and ...

It was good, but you went from telling about the book, to the TV shows, and then back to the book. The description of the TV shows was too long, ...

that was...freaky!!! :?

This was not as good as the other chapters. Even though you tried to make it mysterious with the book, it didn't have the right effect. 'Taken aback by the ...

Yeah, the 'with' made it a bit broken, but the rest was good!!! You sort of repeated yourself, but with different words, but it didn't really ruin it. Some of ...

The second verse was too wordy, and it didn't ryme. Apart from that, it was pretty good.

Yeah, I agree about the first two lines, they turned me off, but I decided to keep reading anyway. Actually, the whole first stanza doesn't ryme.... The rest was great!!! ...