BobcatPoet

"It's okay, Lyra. I know that you're afraid. You don't know if you should either fear me or to accept that I'm here. But you don't have to say a ...

There is just something about the turmoil and longing in that book that kept drawing me in. (shouldn't this be keeps?) Today was September thirteenth, or in other words, my ...

Awesome, I love Harry Potter! :D I'll make only one suggestion. Work on your character dialogue. The meaning of the words is easily understood, but you need to develop each ...

"You have trained well, I would rephrase this sentencing. It sounds cliche. Very cliche. Was this another of Whiteraven's jokes? Maybe replace the word jokes with riddles. Riddle is more ...

My hands found each other immediately, the left one trying to strangle out the pain that was torturing me from the opposite wrist. What hand met what wrist? My hands ...

Puck: Hey! What have you been doin’ over the summer? if he's going to have an accent why not put it to the extreme or not make them have an ...

Make sure you provide more detail with the past. I would recommend plugging in more of the time setting, more info about the main character (personnel details about them), and ...

It's a little cliche, but here is one reason why I find this to be so. Your attitudes need to become more seperate. When you read Harry Potter they don't ...

Disorders. No one can come to a full understanding of them until they have one themselves. Nobody is perfect, and no body is perfect. The world today focuses too much ...

This story seems like it has potentiol, but don't forget to keep it as far away from cliche material as possible. Description needs a little work. See if you can ...

Glad to see your novel underway. My best of wishes for its success, but remember though you may write, write, write, and write some more, the most important skill is ...

Remember those defining details that characterize your entire plot, and keep it up :Dl It will turn out if you don't abandon it! Prolouge I am 17, and too beautiful ...

Very nice, I think this piece of work has potentiol. Just one thing is don't make everything blunt, but make your points in ways that make one who reads engage ...

This is a fairly good concept, and you've managed not to make it boring. The chapters are a bit short, though, but you manage to put something interesting into them. ...

If it's the first chapter, maybe you should include a little more information. Don't just make it some conversation, but drag the reader right into the story. The first chapter ...