Bishop

I don't get what your trying to say. If its not bad it must be good, but if its not good it must be bad, ur confusing me >_

Let me guess. MelonY? Marla? Milo? Masha? adfkaj;fafjlol

I have just added chapter one to this guys, read it if you like.

^^ I was just saying thankyou for giving me an opinionated writing, which basically just told me to straighten up, which im' doing, so I was just saying np and ...

^^ ty, and np.

But, shockingly, I’ve never even broken a bone. if you want to decrease some of the many comma's you have, just try switching the sentence around, like this. `But i've ...

^^ thanks, at least someone agrees. Those are the type of critiques I like, plain and simple, not trying to change my characters personality, etc. I'll make the changes.

I care, which is why im responding :). ^^ thats no where near hostility, just telling you my opinion also. I am fixing those grammatical errors, so chill with the ...

I have considered the critiques, and it simply just comes to this point. I am a different type of writer, a creative writer who allows the role played character, write ...

Basically, you are contradicting the way he thinks, and only an author can do it. I know you want me to fix the grammatical errors but you cannot change the ...

bradsk88, its not a past tense writing, its going on RIGHT NOW. You have to understand that, and I haven't been mixing past tense with present tense, I tried not ...

~ the following actions taken by the main character or any other character should NOT be re-enacted or re-written, this novel has already been written and has a copyright, any ...

When they awoke, it would be to feel incredibly charged, revived and in most cases the horror of the offenses they’d committed would be nothing them then a dream easily ...

First off, great theme, not making wizardry look so serious all the time, but there were a few mistakes that should be pointed out, because many people make them but ...

No problem. The only thing I see that would completely make it more interesting, is if there is the detective finding out less information to begin with, but thats just ...