Azila

A feeble sun shines down on an old man waiting at the abandoned railroad station. The brown leaves from the dying trees bristle stiffly, occasionally fluttering down around the old ...

Very nice! I definitely think that that first ending would work nicely... but I do have a bit of my old liking of the third one. Anyway, it's up to ...

Hi Babyspice! Any reason in particular why you picked the number 17? It's my lucky number for two reasons: 1) I was born on the 17th (that's the more important ...

Hi Whitewings! I'm Azila. You can PM me if you have questions (and I'll try my best to answer :roll: ) or if you need a critique. Look forward to ...

That's not what I mean, but it's okay :wink: I just had dinner, so I will wait at least a few hours before eating you. :D I mean on quotes, ...

How do you make a quote say "So-and-so Said:" rather than just plain "Quote:"? ...That's been bugging me for a while and I just can't figure it out. :(

It's very good! :smt023 You do a lot of showing rather than telling, which is a very positive thing. It might just be me, but I kind of started drifting ...

Well I guess the reason I was looking for deeper meaning is because it was so well written. I just figured that if it was that good on the surface ...

Very nice plot you've got going here! I love the idea of him being able to manipulate other people's minds. I've often thought it would be cool to write something ...

Hi! :smt039 Welcome! I'm Azila. PM me if you need a fiction critique or feel lonely or need help or want to be friends or anything like that. Now onto ...

Well... maybe not metaphors, but here are the spots that confused me the most: Jerome took a brief stroll through the crystalline soul of a major reptilian beast, sick with ...

Hi there! Welcome to YWS!!! I know you'll love it. What kind of stuff do you write? What kind of stuff do you read? Who's your favorite author/what's your favorite ...

Umm... okay. I was really confused with this. It may just be me, but the metaphors seemed to take over so that I couldn't read what was actually going on. ...

I must disagree with Kylan. The almost poetic wordiness is what I like and strive for in my own pieces. So... you can simplify it if you like, but I ...

Yeah, that's what I figured. I just thought I'd point it out to you, though cause that's the job of the critiquer. :wink: