Azila

Hullo! It turns out I could review this sooner than I thought, so here goes. ^.^ Alright, so I had a few nit-picky comments, but I think Pinky pointed most ...

Hullo! Her house was dim and the shadows padded apologetically down the halls. Quite possibly my favorite line in the whole piece. Even the mail on her hallway table seemed ...

Hi! I'm back for the second part. ^.^ I'm not going to do the line-by-line nitpicky stuff today -- partially because I don't have the time and partially because I ...

Hullo, Sir! I really don't have time to do this review, but oh well -- here goes. ^.^ For all he knew, today could have been easier than scoring an ...

Hullo. Alright, so I'm assuming that since you did this as a fight-scene exercise, you aren't really looking for line-by-line nitpicks,but rather you'd like more general overall comments -- right? ...

Hullo there! I'm a little short on time, so I'm going to have to make this quick. What she found when was walked outside was a little statue in the ...

Greetings, good sir-who's-actually-a-madam-but-whom-I-will-eternally-refer-to-as-sir! It looks like you've already gotten a lot of nitpicky criticism, so I will (once again) try not to be overly nit-p

This has been revamped, folks!

Hullo! I'm not going to do any little nit-picks because seeminglymeaningless seems to have done that pretty well, and I didn't notice many mistakes or awkward moments. So, onto the ...

Hi! That sounds somewhat childish, but not overwhelmingly childish. ^.^ If you're going to rely only on the change in narrative style to distinguish the two sections, the change needs ...

Okay. I'm back. ^.^ The end is so much better! I loved that paragraph where he is humbled by how ridiculous he once was. Really, it was perfect. I still ...

Hullo there! I have to say, after reading your intro and spoiler it was really hard to go on to the story itself without preconceptions. I understand you don't like ...

Hullo! Yes, I think it works fine having it in italics. Though if you don't like that, you could always put some sort of devision in between the paragraphs, like ...

Hi carbon! This was quite entertaining -- and not at all what I expected! I'm not sure what I did expect, but I don't think this was it. ^.^ Anyway, ...

Hi! I'm back. This may just be because you just did a lot of editing and rewriting, but there were a few awkward phrases and strange punctuation issues and such. ...