only if there are angels in your head will you ever, possibly, see one - mary oliver
![Photo of AvantCoffee](./images/photos/513741607751501.png)
About AvantCoffee
I send you... turquoise water and pure white sand... I send you the discovery of a key on the floor of the ocean... This key is encrusted with tiny bits of shells. This is the key to your hidden self, the one you feel cannot be seen. You are safe. Let your hidden self float free...
— SARK
Hey, I'm a generally creative person with a lot of interests and not enough physical storage space for them. I mainly write poems on YWS, or the occasional wall post about something I've overthought. I like making friends and havin' fun :)
'Who is this I?'
Let's answer this question. Am I my name - Tahlia, or the alias I use here, which is shortened to Coffee? Am I the place I'm from - Australia, the hinterland, the Southern Hemisphere of the Earth, or am I the pronouns that stick to me better when called out to me - she/they? I'm an astrologer, so is my career who this 'I' is? Am I the stars, frozen in place the moment I was born, like a map in a time capsule? Are the stars me? Am I my virgo rising, aquarius sun and taurus moon? Are we the stardust that formed the elements eons ago?
I'm also a music producer, so can a person have more than one career, or is that not allowed? Does the fact that I listen to almost every genre of music make my identity vague? Unrelatable? Is the fact that I have a new favourite song everyday quirky and fun for others, or am I just hard to pin down?
I know: maybe I'm my personality traits. I've always been a creative and spiritual person—except for that one time I wasn't spiritual. I could chat about religion and spirituality forever with anyone, and I already do, :[i][/]) which I like to think is brave in today's divided world - brave, not fearless, because I'm sometimes afraid and do it anyway. I'm a huge nerd who appreciates style and tries to be cool, but ultimately always sacrifices coolness for kindness. Is it cool to be kind? I'm also a big dreamer and pragmatist, which shouldn't go together, but my personality's never shied away from contradiction at the expense of general sanity - which keeps me mysterious, but surely this isn't all 'I' am.
Am I my failures? There was once a time I was so convinced of that I thought of deleting this 'I' completely, despite having a hard time defining all of it. Each time I drew a perimeter around myself to box me in, to cast a banishment spell, the area of this 'I' had grown, until I was drawing perimeters around my five-year-old self, around my heart and its hidden wishes, around the smiles I'd helped bring about, around the burning will to be nothing rather than a something that conflicted with this 'I'. Am I everything living between the things I'm not? And if so, isn't that SO VERY much? Do we find ourselves by first finding what it is we couldn't be?
Or worse, what if I'm my accomplishments? I was Featured Member at some point on some date, and was later made a Junior Moderator of YWS; I've won competitions and graduated from stuff; it's interesting how I can be made into something by a thing other than myself. That said, these kinds of worldly achievements offer us defining stages in our lifetime, so they must be good for pinning the billowing tent of us to reality; they must be defining some things, but worth isn't one of them.
What separates me from the people I've loved? That I've met? Because I can't help but find a piece of each of them in me. Call me a romantic - which I am - but wasn't I with these people still, at one time, in the past? And does a part of me stay there? Do we sit in the same conversation on repeat and find a way to still love the company? How much of this 'I' do these people contribute to?
Gnosticism says we have 49 layers of ego, and the aim is to dissolve them all. In New Age spirituality we have a Higher Self. In Christianity we are a soul. Carl Jung gives me a shadow self and an animus, so who is this 'I'?
/profile edit in progress/
YWS clubs-
Mental Health club
soundofmind fan club
Astrology club
Music Recommendations club
definitely not #Classified
my profile links~
pintrest
spotify (needs editing)
fragrantica
goodreads
switch friend code: 0249-3915-1016
discord: avantcoffee
Interests
music, psychology, theology, esotericism, astrology, health/wellness, herbalism, fragrances, fashion/style, poetry, alottathings