Ares

I only read the first three chapters. But if your MC was trying to kill himself, why would he owe someone and swear to obey them if they ruin his ...

Sometimes I do. I've never recorded it though. When I'm with someone and they're dogging out somebody they don't know (like the guy behind the desk or the driver in ...

I thought I critiqued this, but I guess not. Anyways. You're gunna have some major power problems if John's your main character. He's already a huge magic user this early ...

Uhm. I don't know who it is. 6/10

Something about this seems familiar. I'm not sure what though. Where'd you get the idea? Anyways, it's a pretty decent piece, the only thing it could use that I can ...

Thanks.

The officer's dialogue sounds a little unrealistic, and the way he handled the situation is a little unprofessional and unrealistic. The cop wouldn't know her sentence. He also wouldn't take ...

Thanks dude. I appreciate the feedback. And Smurfette died. I probably could've been more detailed about that.

I'd go to wikipedia for this if I were you. I could try to help you out but I really don't know anything. So I'd say go to wiki. Here.

I hope you enjoy.

Most likely he had crossed the Quillin border into Forthor. The guards would shoot for their country, not caring the age of their victim. The only factor you mention is ...

I think it's pretty good. This has probably been said already but I think you should describe Lawrence, Cris, and their surroundings and maybe shed some light on the battle ...

This is pretty cool. The only thing I'd do would be to add more of the story outside the letter, like Oliven saying goodbye to his squire and the squire ...

I love how there's a giant can of spam floating in space. Very cool.

Tracker Smurf slowly crept over the knoll, the damp grass wetting his stubby blue fingers and his nostrils flaring as they took in the woodland scents. Then something foreign ran ...