Ares

It's from a book I think. And it looks cool. Sooo. 8/10.

To be honest, I got like ten parargraphs into this and then skipped down a ways. Your story starts off like it's a history of people's dating relationship. Paul this. ...

Ya. So much for disclaimers. But I noticed the verb tense too when I started reading this. I just didn't mention it in my crit cuz I didn't think it ...

When'd we be startin this?

Uhm. Hat. 12/10 My friend. But no. What the heck. Its a hat. Have a 7.

And besides *WERE* the Mafia here. WE'LL do the extorting thank you. And the racketeering. And money laundering. And rum running, and bootlegging, and whore-housing, and.... Nice. And ya! What ...

NAME: Sawyer RACE: Human AGE: 28 HEIGHT: 5'11 WEIGHT: 160-170 lbs. EYES: Green HAIR: Blonde & Brown, medium long. PHYSIQUE: Athletic. Stocky but agile RANK: Corporal. Recently demoted. BRANCH: Army. ...

Uh. Nice. I guess. I liked the 'Fan-Dog'. Catchy. But the crucification caught me a little off guard. I was expecting lethal injection. What's with the sis collapsing in a ...

Pretty good stuff. Sorry I don't have a critique. Nothing really came to mind.

I didn't read the other critiques, so somebody might've already said it, but I think you should try to slow this down a bit. Break up your sentences a little ...

Uhm. Hey. Maybe you should try posting Splash's story, so we can read and critique it?

Cool. Thanks.

So we can publish our stuff in the real world even if it's on this site? If we have proof that it's ours, that is?

... Okay, cool. I don't know how often I could play though. My internet's on and off week to week because of my schedule.

I don't know you, but I looked in your portfolio and you've posted a lot of stuff. Have you critted other people? You might try swapping crits or PMing people ...