Ares

Thats nice of you Snoink. Very tactful. Anyways, Gay Rights did occur to me, but it was pretty well done. It was obvious enough that it was your subject, but ...

I liked this part: Why? does happiness hide? up and down back around I can see you turning doing circles looking for the 'happiness'. Neat. Anyways, what i'd like to ...

Your verses are loooong and uneven. I'd break them up so that theyre about the same length. Organizing the stanzas also, could help it a bit. Wrap this thing up, ...

Just publish it all so I can go buy the book. It'd be a lot easier.

I would take out the first paragraph, you don't have to prep readers. Also, you could add a lot to this (quality and quantity) by showing us more instead of ...

Genevieve Marie Noling, that sounds classy. Welcome to the yws. ill see you around.

Changed it up a bit, wondering if anyone wanted to give me some feedback now? I kind of don't like it, but it's old so :roll: -Ares

David Bowie? Labrynth or something? lol. 7/10. boltage> mines a crop from a piece of art by Alex Pardee. He's weird. But some of his stuff is cool.

I also love your sig. Btw. =D Thought i'd let you know.

This needs something, but I'm not sure what. It's good, but it could be a lot better. It's kind of in the middle as far as stories go, it's waiting ...

I liked the lines 'my mind reels' and 'my eyes widen'. They were amusing. Short lines definitely help convey your character's emotion, but too many make it a little hard ...

lol. 'Insects died.' Very nice sentence. If anything it could've been a bit longer. And I would do without the 'skinny jews' part. There are better comparisons out there, I ...

Shorter sentences can add more suspense/a faster pace. I like the description in the third paragraph, you should describe the pain from her fall though, you skip over it. It ...

Never been to into the anime thing. But its design isn't old or anything, and I guess its kind of fun.... 5/10. :wink:

You brought letters to life, that's for sure. ;) I think there's a lot of places you could've taken this, it's very creative. I enjoyed the simple ending. The only ...