AquaMarine

Uh, this is confusing to read, as you have posted it twice? At first I thought it was just very long, but you need to change that. Rightio, down to ...

I was going to give you some nitpicks, but Shina's said what I wanted to say there! If you just change the rhyming and syllables a little bit, this could ...

If you looked into my eyes, you wouldn't see all the dead butterflies. This line is too long. Just take out "the" and it will be better. Although not perfect. ...

Wow, this was very well written. Sad, very different but compelling. I found myself mouthing the words on my third read! The last two lines are beautiful, very simple and ...

Love me perfect , Just show me you can try , Doesn’t have to be forever , Just before I die . Ok, I've put some simple punctuation in here, ...

Hi! Here as requested. So, first, this is really good. Your characters are original and strong, we have their personalities and still we want to know more. You've left details ...

Hi, Ok, I really liked chapter one of this story but I feel like you've lost it slightly here. The whole thing feels a little rushed. About 9/10 months have ...

That's really good, I get bored of most Twilight fan-fics, they never work for me. But this one was amazing. You haven't used Stephanie Meyer's plot, you've made up one ...

Woah. That was... wow. :D Seriously, you shouldn't put yourself down. It was one of those poems I was totally absorbed in and just sat there, staring. I'm not usually ...

Hi! here as requested. Let's jump in. What you should change. One last glance in the mirror, his jet-black hair hanging down, one bang being an irritant, hanging down over ...

Grudges, comma here Misconcepting, I think it should be misconception? hateful judging, Friend I smile to your face, Stab you in your sleep, Bleed your tears till you dry, The ...

Hi there! I really like this poem, and (sorry to bring age into this) think it's amazing you're 11! couple of things: Why, hello, dear gents and ladies, Agreeing with ...

Again! They have marks on their face, exactly like vampires in house of night. Sorry for sounding repetetive but i don't think the story can be appreciated fully when the ...

I'm sorry, but this sounds way to much like the house of night series for me. I know others have said it, but the similarities are bugging me. -She has ...

Purples and blues of twilight arise Kissing the world good-night I like this part *love good imagery* Out with the sunset, the audible sound Of sighs of relief fill the ...