AquaMarine

Hey there! You've chosen a lovely, but rather sad, subject here which is nice to see. What I think is a problem is the way that your rhythm doesn't really ...

Hey there! I'd just like to say that you have beautiful imagery here. You obviously have a lovely writing style and it really shows. Nice one! The main problem I ...

Hey there! Ok, so the first thing I need to point out is your rhyme scheme. It sounds forced, which detriments your entire poem. It doesn't sound right, and it ...

Hey there! Ok, so here I didn't have too much of a problem with your rhyme scheme. It wasn't especially horrible, it was actually kind of good so well done ...

Hey there! I wasn't such a fan of the repetition in this piece. It felt a little bit like it was randomly placed, which didn't so much please me as ...

Hey there! I think the biggest problem here is the mixed message that you've got going on. You want to make it so that your poem relates to the title ...

NaNo, Harry Potter and fantasy, eh? I like you already. I haven't finished my NaNo either. I haven't even read it through yet. It's my New Year resolution though, so ...

Hey there! Nice that you wanted to check us out. ;) I'm a sci-fi and fantasy person too. My NaNo (which I have yet to finish) is probably classed as ...

Hey there! Welcome to YWS! It's nice to see that you've already posted work up. I would look at it, but I'm in the middle of a poetry war at ...

Oh, I liked this! I just reviewed your other piece, so I figured I'd look at this one too! You seem to like kind of dark subjects, don't you. ;) ...

Hey there! Wow, ok. I actually really liked this. It's a sort of strange, yet original, subject choice that totally draws the reader in. I'm still not entirely sure what ...

Epilogues forever! *plugs along with Stella*

One thing here that kind of bugs me is the length of some of your lines. Even by just looking at the poem I can see extra long lines which ...

Hey there! I second Kammie here, your language was nice. Your rhyme scheme I also don't have much of a problem with, which is cool because I see a lot ...

Well, first off you have a few typos in here. You need to capitalise your 'I's and you also need to capitalise the words, at the start of lines, which ...