AnnaMamaLama

I haven't read the previous chapters, but I think I will, this story was really nicely written. At some points though, consider maybe expanding your sentences so you have short, ...

I like this, it's very deep and meaningful and you'v got some good flow there. I'd suggest maybe adding a little imagery here, it would make it sound much more ...

Generally, a well-written piece, but you might want to consider making the character a bit more superfluous, you don't want to have him constantly fawning over her like she's something ...

Wow, I like the beginning and it's a really interesting idea :) You've obviously given the characters some thought, but you could have made some of the statements about the ...