Amy_Jane

Nice beginning, sounds like this can become a very exciting story! Firstly,I would suggest going through and fixing simple grammar errors, like capitalizing the beginning of sentences and all the ...

I would suggest putting spaces in between paragraphs and reposting! Reviewers see large chunks of text and run away! It will be more welcoming and easier to read if you ...

Hello! This is interesting and really does build up the tension, but I think that these huge paragraphs make readers here run away! Try to separate them somehow. The description ...

Hey Dakota! I read through this, and it caught my attention. =D So, firstly, “Clara! Did you see that!” the next second Bella was thrown screaming to the floor as ...

I really like the beginning part, it pulled me right into the story! The fire burned. =] i love simple sentences like this. I needed to practise that. practice Confusing… ...

Hey Ofir! This is a nice piece of potential greatness! Since Mars seemed to cover most grammatical errors, I will focus on other things. Your characters are great, and I ...