Alteran

Adam twilred his pole. He used telekinesis so he didn't really have to hold it. It whistled as it spun. Bella faltered when Scipio touched her shoulder giving Adam the ...

They're all really cool and unique. I like the girl leaning against the tree. Her face is kinda like duh, which I liked. I'm partial to the coffe cup with ...

“Why did he choose a place like this?” muttered Kyvor It's better to keep an active voice so as to keep the reader involved. instead of muttered Kyvor say Kyvor ...

Very interesting. I always knew Pac-Man had super powers! You info dumped a litle about the store but that was the only place. I was getting a little leary of ...

I agree, the last line threw me. It was pretty funny. I know exactly what your talking about :)

"It's been so long, I dont know if he's still there or not," said Sara looking at her hands. "Well," said Greg. "Last I saw him, Orion was in Japan." ...

Well, I'll just say this. Your gettimg mad over nothing. You posted your work and we did what we do: critique. That is the point of this site. If you ...

They enetered the spacious training room, "Everyone be mindful of your attacks, we dont want to kill each other." Adam typed into a computer panel. The room faded out into ...

So pretty! I really like them. Your choice of setting is great! I really dont know what to say. First one is my favorite. Though, the date takes away from ...

I am proud to present the first chapter of the third and final novel in the Order of Atlantis Trilogy. Enjoy and feel free to devour it :) Chapter 1 ...

Very interesting start. I thought Quinnwas a little crazy before but now it's a proven fact. :) It was done well. Tghe second part was a bit rough. Of course ...

Since you alread had so many line by lines I thought I'd skip that part. First off, You info dump and side track quite often. You go into great detail ...

It was very pleasent. You kept a rythm, which many song writers lack sometimes. I didn't really draw much from it personally though. It's probably just me though.

"Well, we stayed on Alereon for a while hoping you would wake up. We finally decided we had to get going. We're still like three weeks away from the outpost," ...

“For once , mom , will you just listen to me?” Evelyn shouted at her mother. “I always listen!” “But you don’t hear me!” “Evelyn," her mother said sternly, "you ...