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I really liked it. I would write a review but people have already done it for me, so I'm just going to say "Good Job," and hope to see the ...

Well first off thanks for the tips, I'll try and work on the things you mentioned. I'd like to see where you think the plot is going so I can ...

It meant that he and his mom were too poor too afford meat, not that he hadn't seen any. Sorry I could see how that can be confusing.

CHAPTER 7 It was still misty and dark in my dream, yet clearer than before. This time I could barely make out King Lucius standing in the middle of a ...

Hey, big fan of this story. On to the review! Mistakes “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you Aulani?” There shouldn't be a question mark at the end of ...

Chapter 6 I tossed in my sleep. In my dream it was foggy. I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear a conversation. I heard one scratchy voice. “Zack! How ...

Mistakes picked up his worn jacket and, pulling it on, walked lightly over to the table here you said he pulled on his jacket. I don't know if you meant ...

Hey, I liked this chapter more than the last because it explained a bit more and I can start to see the plot fold into place. Mistakes I awake to ...

Chapter 5 The next morning Hal and I walked to the kingdom’s port. The gorgeous waters seemed to gleam with hope. I never understood why, but I enjoyed staring at ...

Hi, I like this story and I think it can turn into something. Mistakes I don't think I really found any mistakes, you were good about that. Plot I like ...

This is a very good piece of work, very descriptive. What I would advise is maybe giving a little more detail on a theme. I didn't really understand what this ...

Thanks these things really help me, and I guess I was so anxious about the story that I forgot about all the descriptions, I'll try to work on that. By ...

Chapter 3 I knew where we were going now. Hal was taking me up to the castle. I wondered why, though. “I reckon you know where we are?” Hal asked ...

I really liked this story. At first I was like, oh, another story all about vampires, but you added all of the mythical creatures. I liked that. There was a ...

Well while I was reading through it I noticed that it was extremely long, so you might want to break it up into parts or something. I like your use ...