-
Re: The Vampires Story Chp.4
I think you need to project a little more emotion in the dialogue through some of your characters. The conversations seem a bit boring, almost like a list; break it ...
Nov 6, 2009 -
Re: Chapter 1 of "Tainted Life"
This is absolutely brilliant! You write with such confidence it makes everything I read seem believable, the world your story is set in to your characters, it’s as if I’m ...
Nov 6, 2009 -
Re: The Vampires Story Chp.3
Hey Cassie! Here’s my review, first I’ll start with the nit picks. The second sentence is missing something or maybe it’s just me. Maybe if you changed it to “I ...
Nov 4, 2009 -
Re: Different - chapter three
Firstly, I apologize for not reviewing your stories earlier, I've spent so much time trying to put together my own. I think Pretty Crazy is right, you need to give ...
Nov 4, 2009 -
Re: The First Hunger (X-Men Origin)
Personally I think you did well with portraying the emotions of your character, you said just about enough for us to get a glimpse of her feelings. Your plot was ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: Dragon Market: Proluge/Chapter one
You dreamt about dragons? Cool! I usually dream about weird stuff. Anyway here are my honest thoughts on this chapter. I loved your descriptions; you’ve really gone out of your ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: The death of London and the rise of Berlin.(PG-13)
You’ve got some good reviews so far. I’m going to touch on a few things. Firstly it was brave of you to attempt this type of narration but I think ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: Is this a good start to my story?
Hi, welcome to YWS! I think you’ve got a good story so far and a good introduction. I’m interested to see where this story will be going so good job! ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: The start of something good: Lights, Camera and Action!
I absolutely LOVE this! Your writing simply oozes with confidence and it makes brilliant reading. I love your characters and how you present them. Kim is such a refreshing character ...
Nov 1, 2009 -
Re: The Vampires Story Prolouge
Thanks for reviewing my story, now it’s my turn! :D I like it, I really do. You set the beginning out really well because I want to read more. Everything ...
Oct 29, 2009 -
Re: A land away from home
Hey there! Here are a few things I’ve come up with. Firstly, I think you mention the word “master” a few too many times in your first few sentences, take ...
Oct 29, 2009 -
Re: Maurie and the Poison Ring Ch.1: Maurie's Unfortunate Story
Hello, welcome to YWS! Firstly, I think you need to work on your first sentence. Instead of saying: “When I walked home from middle school I would think it would ...
Oct 29, 2009 -
Re: killers' fragments
The previous reviewer is right you really need to sort out those capitals because it's extremely important, not only because your supposed to, but because for a reader, reading something ...
Oct 23, 2009 -
Re: The Peoples Army-Chapter 1
I should start reading the historical fiction section a lot more, the stories here are brilliant and yours is one of them! I love how you begin your story; you ...
Oct 23, 2009 -
Re: Yet to be Titled - Chapter 1 Section 1
This is quite cool and quite creepy at the same time! What I love about it is that it sounds like the beginning of a really gripping story. You leave ...
Oct 23, 2009
