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*coco

*coco

  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: The Vampires Story Chp.4

    I think you need to project a little more emotion in the dialogue through some of your characters. The conversations seem a bit boring, almost like a list; break it ...

    Nov 6, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: Chapter 1 of "Tainted Life"

    This is absolutely brilliant! You write with such confidence it makes everything I read seem believable, the world your story is set in to your characters, it’s as if I’m ...

    Nov 6, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: The Vampires Story Chp.3

    Hey Cassie! Here’s my review, first I’ll start with the nit picks. The second sentence is missing something or maybe it’s just me. Maybe if you changed it to “I ...

    Nov 4, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Different - chapter three

    Firstly, I apologize for not reviewing your stories earlier, I've spent so much time trying to put together my own. I think Pretty Crazy is right, you need to give ...

    Nov 4, 2009
  • Short Story » Fanfiction, General Re: The First Hunger (X-Men Origin)

    Personally I think you did well with portraying the emotions of your character, you said just about enough for us to get a glimpse of her feelings. Your plot was ...

    Nov 1, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Dragon Market: Proluge/Chapter one

    You dreamt about dragons? Cool! I usually dream about weird stuff. Anyway here are my honest thoughts on this chapter. I loved your descriptions; you’ve really gone out of your ...

    Nov 1, 2009
  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General Re: The death of London and the rise of Berlin.(PG-13)

    You’ve got some good reviews so far. I’m going to touch on a few things. Firstly it was brave of you to attempt this type of narration but I think ...

    Nov 1, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Is this a good start to my story?

    Hi, welcome to YWS! I think you’ve got a good story so far and a good introduction. I’m interested to see where this story will be going so good job! ...

    Nov 1, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: The start of something good: Lights, Camera and Action!

    I absolutely LOVE this! Your writing simply oozes with confidence and it makes brilliant reading. I love your characters and how you present them. Kim is such a refreshing character ...

    Nov 1, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: The Vampires Story Prolouge

    Thanks for reviewing my story, now it’s my turn! :D I like it, I really do. You set the beginning out really well because I want to read more. Everything ...

    Oct 29, 2009
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: A land away from home

    Hey there! Here are a few things I’ve come up with. Firstly, I think you mention the word “master” a few too many times in your first few sentences, take ...

    Oct 29, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Maurie and the Poison Ring Ch.1: Maurie's Unfortunate Story

    Hello, welcome to YWS! Firstly, I think you need to work on your first sentence. Instead of saying: “When I walked home from middle school I would think it would ...

    Oct 29, 2009
  • Short Story » Historical Fiction, General Re: killers' fragments

    The previous reviewer is right you really need to sort out those capitals because it's extremely important, not only because your supposed to, but because for a reader, reading something ...

    Oct 23, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Historical Fiction, General Re: The Peoples Army-Chapter 1

    I should start reading the historical fiction section a lot more, the stories here are brilliant and yours is one of them! I love how you begin your story; you ...

    Oct 23, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Yet to be Titled - Chapter 1 Section 1

    This is quite cool and quite creepy at the same time! What I love about it is that it sounds like the beginning of a really gripping story. You leave ...

    Oct 23, 2009


I want to see people turn and writhe; make them feel things they cannot see and sometimes do not know.
— Anna Held