Spoiler! :
If anyone would've asked me who I believed in I would've said 'God the father' or 'Jesus Christ' but lately...lately I've been questioning what I believe about Him, what's true about him, and what's just human construct, and just...I feel distant from Him.
I do believe in a creator, I do believe in spirits and the supernatural, but there are so many different cultures that say many different things about God [or gods], and spirits and it's just...which of them is true or not?
Fear is also playing a part in this I suppose.
I'm still reflecting over certain actions of mine from three to four years ago, and I'm just scared. What if some sins [namely said actions of mine], are unforgiveable, irredeemable. What if I've doomed myself to hell? Because I hurt a lot of people deeply, and...I apologized yes, but then I went on and on about it, and I'm slowly realizing that...that maybe not all of it was genuine. That some of it was just for sympathy, and attention. Not necessarily in attempt to make someone hate themself [though sometimes I wonder if it was that too, I was upset and hurt, and wanted said people I hurt to understand/feel that too]. All of that's messed up behavior on my part and what if...it's irredeemable in the Father's eyes?
I do believe in a creator, I do believe in spirits and the supernatural, but there are so many different cultures that say many different things about God [or gods], and spirits and it's just...which of them is true or not?
Fear is also playing a part in this I suppose.
I'm still reflecting over certain actions of mine from three to four years ago, and I'm just scared. What if some sins [namely said actions of mine], are unforgiveable, irredeemable. What if I've doomed myself to hell? Because I hurt a lot of people deeply, and...I apologized yes, but then I went on and on about it, and I'm slowly realizing that...that maybe not all of it was genuine. That some of it was just for sympathy, and attention. Not necessarily in attempt to make someone hate themself [though sometimes I wonder if it was that too, I was upset and hurt, and wanted said people I hurt to understand/feel that too]. All of that's messed up behavior on my part and what if...it's irredeemable in the Father's eyes?
Hahaha that was everywhere but yeah, there's my current status as of typing this.
Sep 27, 2023