Ok, I've only just came back from Ireland, after an endless week comforting my mum and watching someone in a coffin who was soon to be cremated. 7 days I was there, but only one day mattered: the day of my Grandad's funeral. My mum blamed the service, she hated the food. I hated the hotel. I hated the experience of being unwanted. But in just 7 days misery unfolded itself to me. Afterall, I finally have something to be moany and miserable about. I have something to look forward to. I am going to spend the next two months of my life in purgatory.
Just 2 days before my Mum got that call- "your father passed away last night"- I was downstairs, on the only real site I care about. I was here, on YWS. I logged out, and was about to take out one of my favourite books, The Naked Lunch. I was on a peculiar bit, where the narrator was describing the "man who taught his asshole how to talk". My mum was upstairs, presumably with her 8th new boyfriend (literally, I counted). I thought of nothing really. Since my dad ran away and had a new family, my mum has been unlucky. She has changed. A lot. I didn't think anything of it, simply because 99% of the time this happens:
BF: So, you're Adam huh? Your mum's told me all about you.
ME: Has she told you that I write novels about heroin and call girls?
I can never resist really. They are just begging for a metaphorical slap across the face. But this one was different. After 20 minutes he comes back downstairs. He gives me a smile as if Charles Manson has been inherited into his soul. He even winked at me. He was obviously drunk, almost falling over and laughing about anything. But that wasn't all. Do you know what really broke me in two? The thing that killed off my concentration? What he said to me.
"Your mum's got a sweet pussy"
I screamed. I tried. I started to throttle him. Strangle him. Smother him, whatever. He just would not stop laughing. He still found it amusing. He found my mum's sex amusing. He found me wanting him dead amusing. My mum came downsatirs to see me choking him. She pushed me aside. She picked up the phone, for an ambulance for the pig lying on the floor and the police to restrain me. It was a night of hell.
So where to now? I surely can't recover right now, but what I can do is post some old poetry I wrote last year on another forum up until Monday when I depart. I am to be admitted to a mental hospital in Scotland, with no rain or YWS or even someone to laugh with. My girlfriend is worried about me. Even worse fears come to mind. What if she cheats? What if my mum starts to have sex with random people when I am gone? Maybe I am paranoid. Or maybe this whole pressure has suddenly come down on me quicker than I ever imagined.
I'm sorry if I am leaving so quickly after I returned. In the next 3 days, expect a lot of stuff from me to pass the time. While I am gone, please don't barge me with PM's. I am sorry for those who enjoy my writing, and I am especially sorry for those who have submitted into The Very, Very Dark contest. I have read all the entries so far and I love them all to bits, but I can't judge. So, when the time comes, I will need someone to judge the contest and decide. I am also sorry to all of the people who have supported Pornography Kiss, hoping for another chapter. I am also sorry to Nate and all the other admin of YWS.
I hope to come back to the site in two months, but if I don't immediately, don't worry. I will. But in case I still longer in Scotland, I wish you all the best of luck. I love you all, and you are all like family. When I return I shall post a message stating I have returned and what upcoming projects I am to attend to.
Peace out
567ajt
PS: I hope they actually allow me to write
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