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My Father



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Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:28 am
empressoftheuniverse says...



I used to think of my dad as
A root, a vegetable,
clinging to filth with arms strung up to the sun.
Something organic and stiff and pure,
made from the raw things that grumble beneath the earth.

At our old house we had a peach tree; the pink-orange of the peach,
the blue of my dad’s uniform, a grease-stained jumpsuit,
and the tub that we had in our front yard, spilling over with flowers,
lay golden in the suburbs of my childhood.

When I was young, Dad called me double-o-seven.
He taught me to dream all tall and wide, like a canyon.
Dad said I looked best at six, in curls and overalls;
he taught me to dream cool and deep, like the ocean
reflected cobalt in the sky.

My dad has these hands,
all brown and wrapped in thick muscle and cords of vein.
Calluses like landmarks, like promises of comfort.
They give off cinnamon heat, they do not lie.
They were borne of dirt and made for greatness.

Our house is his legacy; he formed it
like god formed the earth: all splendor,
all perfection, but my father?
On the seventh day he did not rest.
He continued, and continues
to lay his cinnamon hands on everything
and make them bountiful.
Last edited by empressoftheuniverse on Wed Jul 27, 2011 5:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
*Le Bible
Royal Reviews Here!
  





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Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:38 am
livurdestiny says...



I just love it so much it has so much to it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayou did so great
  





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Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:47 am
confetti says...



This is so wonderful in every way. The beginning caught my attention pretty much instantly!
I love how you used a subject that really means something to you, and I loved the images you created with your words. The figurative language was just fantastic. BRA-VO.
"So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads."
— Dr. Seuss
  





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Wed Jul 27, 2011 5:30 am
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Iggy says...



Hey Em! Soooo, your poem. I liked the imagery! Especially how you described the father's hands. As usual, you have no punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors. Hate you for that. JUST kidding. :P

BUT. It lacked emotion. It seemed if you were just describing his appearance and his strength. The narrator didn't express any affection fo the father. Also, forgive me if I'm wrong, but the rhymes weren't very obvious. In a few lines, sure, but not through the whole thing.

I loved the use of imagery! So descriptive! Yush, I loves me a good, descriptive poem! ;D

Well, I hoped I helped! PM with any questions! :)

- Ariel.
“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
- Lewis Carroll
  








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