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Save The Last Dance For Me



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Tue Feb 15, 2011 2:40 am
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lovethelifeulive says...



Save the Last Dance
For Me


Spoiler! :
A short story romance, during the early 1900's. If you enjoyed it, press the LIKE button. Thank you, enjoy!


Prologue:

My Darling Nicholas,
I miss you terribly, and I also apoligize for my sudden absence. Due to the fact that I am not in Ireland, nor London, you must be wondering where I am and why you have recieved this letter.
First,
I am in France, 'returning' some items that are simpy useless to me.
Second,
I have realized that what we had was wonderful, but not everything lasts forever. So we must move on.
I understand that this decision was very sudden. But I am sure that you feel the same, for I have never felt more than friends and I hope that we will forever stay friends, just not married.
I hope to see you sometime soon.

Yours Truly,
Genevieve Darlique

P.S.
My dear, I am sure that right now you are quite releaved of me leaving, for I am not the silly little girl that you think I am. I have begun work as a designer for Coco Channel! She is a lovely woman, and I hope that you will be proud of my dresses. And I have come to an understanding that you are in a 'special' relationship with my lovely friend, Nelly.
Good luck with that. For I am not a stupid child, and I know of all your little secrets that you have kept from me.
Farewell, my darling Nicholas.
Your faux ring will be there within a few days.


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The doorman opened the wide golden doors, revealing a gorgeous room, with red and gold walls, huge chandliers, and a winding red staircase. With my gloved hands, I lifted up the front of my pink, black, and blue dress, to walk without tripping. I tried not to expose my petticoat, like I tended to accidently do.
When I walked in, I smelt the aroma of fresh roses and strong perfume. I noticed a few people turn to see my outrages dress.

For these old women who never accomplished anything in their silly little lifes, have never seen a woman wear dark blue and black to a formal ball. I walked down to the middle of the large room, couples glided across the floor in dance as the fiddles and flutes played a familiar upbeat tune in G major.

My strange style was always talked about amung the women. They thought that woman should only wear light and bright colors. But times are changing. And the men did not seem to notice the difference. But in truth, it drew their eyes to me. For they know that dark colors on a woman are unfamiliar, but more attractive.

I noticed the host of the party, my dearest friend, Nelly, sipping wine and speaking to her beaux, Charles Newton. Charles is 34 and whose father was the owner of the bank. Therefor, Charles was very respected. Because we knew that his fathers days were numbered due to old age. Nelly fluttered her eyes in response to him.

Like me, she was 19 years old. The time to be married with children on the way. But she was taking her time, enjoyed herself. She traveled to and from England. She usually spent the last two months of Summer in France, and the first month in Ireland. So I got on a ship and sailed here to join her on her last week in Ireland.
Suddenely, I my fiancé stood before my eyes.

"Nicholas!" I cried and kissed his cheek lightly.

"Oh, darling Genevieve. You look stunning as always." He smiled and looked down a my dress.

"I'm terribly sorry I am late." I appoligized.

"Aren't you always." he grinned, taking my hand and leading me towards the instruments playing.

The music paused just to start again in a faster tune in D major. We danced together to the music, when the music changed agian, the dance did too. We seperated as another man took my hand and we swirled around the room. Then he handed me to another gentleman in a dark black suit.

"Edmund!" I frowned, angrily.
Edmund was my old beaux, I left him when he became a worldwide criminal, a theif. He stole sculptures for India, paintings from France and antiques from Italy. They all thought that he went mad. But I knew better.

He was only trying to show his pure genious. He was a mastermind. He could dance, cook, preform magic, and kill. And he knew exactly how to sweep a woman off her feet with his charm.

"Why are you here?" I hissed. He was supposed to be on the run!

"For you, my love." he grinned, his silky voice was clear as water.
I felt my heart skip a beat, for I had missed him so. It had been a long two years.

"No! I am engaged!" I showed him the ring on my finger. "You are not-are not..."

"Are not what?" he raised his eyebrow, a sly smile still plastered on his face.

"You are not my love." I cried angrily.

"Fine, for now. But you will be mine, Genevieve." he pulled my hand up and twirled me back to Nicholas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I walked out of Nelly guest room, and into the dimly lit corridors of her mansion. I could hear the music still playing in the ball that was still going on downstairs. I wore my white sleeping gown that exposed my legs and a thin white robe on top that glided on the soft Persian carpets. In the corner of my eye, I noticed a shadow moving.

I felt a shiver of fear run through me, but was quickly overcome by my curiousity. The shadow continued to move. I followed it down the hallways of the fourth floor of Nelly's mantion. The smell of expensive cologne ran through my nostrils, when I realized the shadow was leading me up the stairs. I took hold of the dusty railings against the wall and I remembered Nell's warnings about the fifth and final floor.

She told me that it was haunted by her step mothers evil ghost. It was believed that when we were youngsters, her birth mother died after the labor of Nelly. Her father supposedly went mad, but still marriad a younger second wife. It was told that he brought her to Ireland and killed her on the fifth floor. Maids refuse to go up there to clean due to silly stories, therefor leaving the fifth floor a dusty cobweb.

Nelly wasn't only only my friend, but a blood relative. Her father was my father's brother. We spent summer days when we where younger playing with dolls and riding horses.

I walked down into the filthy hallway when I realized that if I scream, no one will hear me. Fear overtook me, as much as I wanted to turn around, my body wouldn't to it. I let out a screem when a rat ran across my feet. I turned around when I heard a deep chuckle from a bedroom at the end of the hall. As I walked toward it, the doors flew open. As if by magic.

But I continued to walk in, holding my breath the whole time. When I entered, the door closed behind me. Inside, were open windows on the wall, blowing the white curtains and letting in a cool summer breeze. I turned my head to see a in the middle of the room, with red blood stains smeered on the covers.

This was the room where the murder took place!

I heard another chuckle from the opposite end of the room. Turning around, I said,
"Who are you? And what do you want." sounding braver than I was.

All of a sudden, I felt warm arms wrap around my waise and bosom.

"Ghosts aren't supposed to be warm." I said aloud.

"I'm not a ghost." I turned my head to see Edmunds kind face on my shoulder.

"You gave me a horrible fright, Edmund. I-"

"Is that why your shaking?" he asked. "Or is it another reason?"
I merely sighed a response to his question.

"Edmund, your a criminal, a very handsome criminal, but all the same. I cannot associate myself with criminals." I explained.

Edmund turned my around so that our chests were crushed against anothers and that our faces were inches apart.

"Genevieve, I love you." he whispered, twisting a lock of my honey blond hair in his gentle hands.

"But, Edmund-"

He gently pulled his lips against mine. His soft lips satisfing the craving I have had for his kiss. Every night for the past two years, I couldn't help but dream about his embracing, passionate kisses. His hands holding my face, moved down to my shoulders, pulling off my robe. No man, not even Nicholas was allowed to see me like this even with the robe on.

"Genevieve, will you save the last dance for me?" he whispered in my ear.

I pulled off his tuxedo jacket and replied,

"Yes, Edmund. I will always save the last dance for you."

"Why don't we go downstairs?" he smiled, heaving me into his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was reminded of the night of February ninth, two years ago. It was a chilly that day with cloudy skies, so that you couldn't see the stars. We were invited to my friend, Anthony's, wedding.
He was also friends with Edmund. Edmund held the ring around my neck in his tight grasp. He smiled proudly at the expensive ring he had gotten me for our engagement. He opened the doors for me and we walked into the grand church.

I danced in Edmunds arms, his kind smile suddenely changed into a nervous frown.
"Excuse me, love." Edmund, whispered. "I'll be back within a few hours, you enjoy yourself. Just save the last dance for me."
I dropped my smile as he unwrapped his armes from around my waist and walked out.

A few hours later I stepped out of the church and walked down the boardwalk as the sun began to set.
I sat down by the water and watched the light of the rising moon dance across the sparkling water. I removed me tall heeled shoes and placed my feet into the cold water. I lightly kicked my legs, swooshing the water around.

"Madame."
I turned my head to see my friend, Constable Benedict, standing over me.

"Why, yes constable, how are you! I-" he helped me up.

"Excuse me Miss Darlique, but we found stolen artwork in the residance of Mister Edmund Beeson. Would you happen to
know exactly why that is?"

A shocked expression crossed my face.
"Why no! I have never heard of such I thing! How could-"

"Let me take you to scotland yard, why don't we talk there." He lead me into his carraige as I placed my heels back on.

At the gates, gaurds stood with metallic hats and frowned harshly.
Inside a cell, sat Edmund, with his hands on his elbow and his head in his hands.

"Edmund!" I cried, gripping my hands around the bars. He stood up with a pained exression on his face.

"Love, I'm sorry. I did it for you! I did it all for you! I love you so..."

"I'm sorry. I-I can't." I held the ring dangling on a necklace in my hand.

"You are so beautiful, Genevieve." he careessed my cheek through the thick bars. "I love you I want to be with you..."

"Why?" I let tears fall down my face. "Why did you do it?"

"For you-"

"No! No you didn't. You did it for yourself."

"That is not true!" he spoke painfully. "I had to prove myself to you, you had to know that I am more that just a silly rancher."

"You knew..." I sobbed. "...you knew that I loved you for who you are. I will always love you, no matter what. You are not just a great rancher. But a good man and an even better friend."

"Genevieve..."

"Goodbye, Edmund." I cried.

I beathed heavily as tears streaked down my cheeks as stepped away from him.
"Constable, please let me go. I have nothing to do with this man." he nodded at me and opened the doors.

I ran out, holding my dress up, exposing my petticoat. I threw off my large hat and slid down the muddy concrete roads. Thunder cracked above me as I slipped and crumpled to the ground. I tried to get up, but couldn't. I cried as I felt my dark green dress cling to my body in cold rain. I sat and cried even when the rain and lightening had stopped.
I reached to my chest, but couldn't feel the thin chain and thick ring hanging around my neck.

I twisted my body to search the sidewalk.
I propped myself up on my knee and extended my arm to search as people ran by me without a second thought.
A large carraige swirved to the right, a wheel ran by a large puddle on the road, drenching me in dirty water.
I finally found his expensive ring, when I felt a soft hand touch my shoulder.

"Nicholas..." my voice cracked. Nicholas was my neighbor when I was only a child in Paris. His blond hair blew in the wind.
He helped me up and lead me to his carraige. I could recall the bright mornings in Papa's grand backyard. Me and some friends gathered on a bench under the white arbor, covered in grape vines. The four of us girls spoke of gossip and boys, smelling the blooming tulips that grew around us.

When one morning, Nicholas only sixteen and I was fourteen years of age, he came by while Nelly, Amelia, Phoebe and I attempted to pick off the grapes hanging above us. Nicholas, being quite taller, reached up and helped us get them. He held the grapes over me as he feed them to me. That was the day he told me he was moving to Germany with his father. His mother died of some rare illness that we were never allowed to speak of, his father thought that taking Nicholas to Germany would take their minds off the dead woman.

I remembered the sweet kisses we shared that meant nothing. We had tricked ourselves into thinking that we were madly in love. But when he left, only bittersweat memories remained. And I realized that I only loved him as my best friend.
"Five years." I muttered under my breath.

"My dear, what is it?" he asked in his deep German accent he must have gained.

"Nicholas, what are you doing here. Aren't you supposed to be in Germany?" I wiped my eyes. He pulled me close to him.

"Dear, everything will be okay." he muttered as I cried into his shoulder. "It will be okay."


Epologue:
I sat at the lovely bakery on a sunny Friday morning, as Edmund walked in.
"Love, congratulations! It is wonderful that Channel has decided to accept you into her business, I always knew that you would be in the fashion business." he sat down and glanced at my purple and yellow stripped dress and feathered hat.

"Genevieve, you are wearing our engagment ring!" he smiled, with bright eyes.

"Yes, I cannot believe that I wore it as a necklace all those years ago."

"Everything you wear looks spectacular on you." he grinned.

"Edmund, I must get to work in thirty minutes and I have a letter to send." I glanced at the gold envelope addressed to Nicholas and stood up and gently kissed Edmunds cheek.
He stood up and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me properly. A way that Nicholas never did, never could and never will. I felt my heart beat quicken as he dipped me to the right.

"You never did give me the pleasure to dance with you." he twirled me around the bakery to the soothing French classic music.
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Last edited by lovethelifeulive on Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:24 am, edited 4 times in total.
If you prick us, shall we not bleed?
If you tickle us, shall we not laugh?
If you poison us, shall we not die?
If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
The Merchants of Venice-Shakespear
Love the life u live,
and live the life u love
  





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Points: 912
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Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:14 am
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RieOngaku says...



whoa....AMAZING PIECE OF WORK!!!Keep it up!:D
Don't let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you..

Name: Rie Torimaru
Message: READY TO ROCK YOUR WORLD!!!!
  





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131 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 3558
Reviews: 131
Wed Feb 16, 2011 1:35 am
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Sunshine says...



I do agree with Rie but hey, everyone does have flaws. ;) I love Victorian stuuff! It's great to see this piece!

Pro's

Goods before bads, eh? You had great description skills! Never change a thing about that! Also, your charecters were interesting and pretty well fitting to the era. I loved the seeting. There are more pro's but, sadly, con's are what make us better. :(


Con's

~ I'm pretty sure 'Beaux' is supposed to be spelled 'Beau.'

~ You used amung instaed of amoung near the beggining.

~ The only flaw in your descriptive skills: What does her fiance look like? What does her former Beau look like?

~ The ending. Sorry, it just doesn't seem to fit with the main charecter's personality. In the nd she just kind's of gives in to Edmund while before she was denying his advances. It is romantic, but doesn't fit. Fitting is usually better in writing.


Good Work! Hope I helped!
I have loved the words and I have hated them. I only hope I have made them right.

---The Book Thief---

Hi, I'm Sunshine! It's lovely to meet you!
  





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Points: 7377
Reviews: 99
Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:39 am
TabbyGirl says...



(I believe "beaux" and "beau" are both correct... or maybe beaux is plural, but I don't think anything's wrong with that spelling... it's sort of Cajun, but that isn't a bad thing XD)

Okie dai, so, overall I thought that this had a really cool setting, and I liked the characters.

I felt the ending was sort of odd… Nelly didn’t seem like an especially important character, but then the setting is so involved with her past… I feel like, why couldn’t it have been Genevieve’s (love the name, by the way) dead mother, and her crazy father? That would make more sense, why she was drawn to the place, and why Edmund knew she would come…

Also, I don’t know enough about Genevieve and Nicholas… are they really in love? I mean, the fact that she was kissing her ex makes you think differently… Yeah, at the end I feel like he should be mentioned. Does she love Edmund more? Or is it just not that simple? Give us something along those lines…

There were some spelling/grammar mistakes that you could probably fix yourself if you just read through it closely… if you really want me to nitpick this I will some other time just PM me

I must say, the beginning was excellent. Descriptive, intriguing, totally sets the mood for a Victorian day ball. Speaking of which, what was the ball for exactly? I don’t think you said exactly… But, yeah, everything I can ask of an intro.

The middle was good, but the end is where it got a bit confusing, and I felt sort of cut-short and under whelmed.

Also, this seems like it could be a cool introduction to something longer... I'd like to read it if there is a continuation.

--

Tabby
  





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Wed Feb 16, 2011 4:18 pm
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writerwithacause says...



I noticed a few people turn to see my outrageous dress.


My strange style was always talked about among the women. They thought that women should only wear light and bright colors. And (no "the" here) men did not seem to notice the difference. But in truth, it drew their eyes to me. For they knew that dark colors on a woman are unfamiliar, but more attractive.


I noticed the host of the party, my dearest friend, Nelly, sipping wine and speaking to her beau (from what I know, beaux is the adjective, beau the noun), Charles Newton. Charles is a thiry-year-old (man) whose father was the owner of the bank. Therefore, Charles was very respected. Because we knew that his father's days were numbered due to old age. Nelly fluttered her eyes in response to him.


Like me, she was 19 years old. The time to be married with children on the way (no verb here?). But she was taking her time, enjoying (sounds more logical) herself. She traveled to and away from England. She usually spent the last two months of summer in France, and the first month in Ireland. So I got on a ship and sailed there to join her on her last week in Ireland.


Suddenely, (no need for "I" here) my fiancé stood before my eyes.

"Nicholas!" I cried and kissed his cheek lightly.

"Oh, darling Genevieve. You look stunning as always." He smiled and looked down (no "a" as well) my dress.

"I'm terribly sorry I am late," I appologized.

"Aren't you always?" he grinned, taking my hand and leading me towards the instruments that were playing.

The music paused just to start again in a faster tune in D major. We danced together to the music, when the music changed again, the dance did too. We seperated as another man took my hand and we swirled around the room. Then he handed me to another gentleman dressed (again, sound more logical this way) in a dark black suit.

"Edmund!" I frowned, angrily.

Edmund was my old beau, I had (action that happens before what you describe in Past Tense) left him when he became a worldwide criminal, a thief. He stole sculptures for India, paintings from France and antiquities from Italy. They all thought that he went mad. But I knew better.

He was only trying to show his pure genius. He was a mastermind. He could dance, cook, preform magic, and kill. And he knew exactly how to sweep a woman off her feet with his charm.

"Why are you here?" I hissed. He was supposed to be on the run!

"For you, my love." He grinned, his silky voice was clear as water.

"No! I am engaged!" I showed him the ring on my finger. "You are not-are not..."

"Are not what?" he raised his eyebrow, a sly smile still plastered on his face.

"You are not my love," I cried with anger (would sound more natural).

"Fine, for now. But you will be mine, Genevieve." He pulled my hand up and twirled me back to Nicholas.


I walked out of Nelly's guest room, and into the dimly lit corridors of her mansion. I could hear the music still playing from the ball that was still going on downstairs. I wore my white sleeping gown that exposed my legs and a thin white robe on top that glided on the soft Persian carpets. In the corner of my eye, I noticed a shadow moving.

I felt a shiver of fear running through me, but was quickly overcome by my curiousity. The shadow continued to move. I followed it down the hallways of the fourth floor of Nelly's mansion. The smell of expensive cologne ran through my nostrils, until I realized the shadow was leading me up the stairs. I took hold of the dusty railings against the wall and I remembered Nelly's warnings about the fifth and final floor.

She told me that it was haunted by her step mother's evil ghost. It was believed that when we were youngsters, her birth mother died after the labor of Nelly. Her father supposedly went mad, but still married a younger second wife. It was told that he brought her to Ireland and killed her on the fifth floor. Maids refused to go up there to clean due to silly stories, therefore leaving the fifth floor a dusty cobweb.

I walked down into the filthy hallway when I realized that if I screamed, no one would (grammar issue, see conditional type 2) hear me. Fear overtook me, and as much as I wanted to turn around, my body wouldn't to it. I let out a screem when a rat ran across my feet. I turned around when I heard a deep chuckle from a bedroom at the end of the hall. As I walked toward it, the doors flew open. As if by magic.

But I continued to walk in, holding my breath the whole time. When I entered, the took (what does this mean?) closed behind me. Inside, there were open windows on the wall, the wind (if you do not add "the wind", it will mean that the windows are blowing the curtains) blowing the white curtains and letting in a cool summer breeze. I turned my head to see a (a what? you've omitted a noun") in the middle of the room, with red blood stains smeered (smeered does not appear to be a verb, perhaps spilled or you could simply omit the verb) on the covers.

This was the room where the murder had taken place!

I heard another chuckle from the opposite end of the room. Turning around, I said, "Who are you? And what do you want?" sounding braver than I was.

All of a sudden, I felt warm arms wrap around my waist and bosom.

"Ghosts aren't supposed to be warm," I said aloud.

"I'm not a ghost." I turned my head to see Edmund's kind face on my shoulder.

"You gave me a horrible fright, Edmund. I-"

"Is that why you're shaking?" he asked. "Or is it another reason?"

I merely sighed a response to his question.

"Edmund, you're a criminal, a very handsome criminal, but all the same. I cannot (while there is nothing wrong with "cannot", I see that you've used American English, and "cannot" is rather specific to British English - if you want me to re-correct this and tranform the words in your story to British, let me know!) associate myself with criminals," I explained.

Edmund turned me around so that our chests were crushed against another's and that our faces were inches apart.

"Genevieve, I love you," he whispered, twisting a lock of my honey blond hair in his gentle hands.

"But, Edmund-"

He gently pulled his lips against mine. His soft lips satisfied the craving I have had for his kiss. Every night for the past two years, I couldn't help but dream about his embracing, passionate kisses. He hands holding my face, moved down to my shoulders, pulling off my robe. No man, not even Nicholas was allowed to see me like this even with the robe on.

"Genevieve, will you save the last dance for me?" he whispered in my ear.

I pulled off his tuxedo jacket and replied, "Yes, Edmund. I will always save the last dance for you."


And now I'll make some remarks upon your story.

Weak points: your grammar and vocabulary, punctuation is not bad, but you've made some repetitive mistakes. For example, when you have a phrase like this one: <<"Come here," Jane said.>> you always have comma before the last<">. There were some confusions when you used some verbs also. If you are describing in Past Tense, you have to use Past Perfect to describe things that happened before.

Strong points: Your description was pretty well-done, I would work on the dialogue a little more, but it's a good start.

:) Hope you find these useful!

**edit: oh, and "your" shows possesion (as in your book), while "you're" comes from "you are". Also, you forgot the apostrophe in structures as "Nelly's" and "father's".
Julie, a sucker for romance, historical fashion, medieval fairs and blues music. Add photography and you already know me 50%. The rest of me you'll discover through my writings and my photos.

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Thu Feb 17, 2011 2:18 am
theotherone says...



Hello there. :)

For these old women who never accomplished anything in their silly little lives,
Lifes isn't a word that exist, it should be lives. :)
The time to be married with children on the way comma but she was taking her time, enjoying herself.

Suddenly, I my fiancé stood before my eyes.

He stole sculptures from India, paintings from France and antiques from Italy. They all thought that he went mad comma but I knew better.

"I am not- am not..."

"Are not what?" he raised his eyebrow, a sly smile still plastered on his face.

"I am not your love." I cried angrily.
Shouldn't be more like that?
Fear overtook me, and as much as I wanted to turn around, my body wouldn't do it.

I have to say that I was a little disappointed with the ending. Although I liked the story, and the writing was good, I feel like it's missing something in the end. Why was he on the fifth floor? He's just creepy like that? You might want to make the attraction take a little more place too. Like when they are dancing, you could talk about how she had loved him, and sometimes at night, she dreamed about him. She doesn't have to realize anything, just like she's wondering, lost in her own world. This story is a great start, and I'm intrigued now. ;)

Keep on writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466
  








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