Chapter one

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Prologue

When I was in elementary school, I thought there was no such thing as true love, or even crushes. Back then, guys had cooties, and if you even sat with them during lunch then you would be teased. But now as I am here, in 10th grade, while it dosn't seem like that long ago, and there isn't much difference between everything, I have come to realize that we all have become much more mature, and are ready to move on past the cooties stage and actually confess our true feelings for someone. Now as I sit here and write this, I realize that life in elementary school was a whole lot easier, because we did not have to worry about anything silly, like dressing to impress, or making sure we are flirting just right or that we have just the right amount of makeup on. Back then, the only things we had to worry about was actual school. Now, school is not really school, it is the place where you have to worry about everything, like who is dating who, who likes who, who has the best trends, what shoes or purses or anything like that are the latest... I could go on and on with a huge list. But I sit here now with a story to tell, about the drama and highlights of my 10th grade year, and everything else that happened.
To be worked on... this is my first story, hope it will turn out ok and people will like it!

Chapter 1

As we walked down the hall, It was that day when i noticed him, actually noticed him.
It was the 2nd day of school, and I had him in my 4th block. I sat right behind my best friend Maddi, to my right, was a guy named Luke, who had been in my class since 2nd grade, to my left, was a girl named Sydney, who I did not know, and he sat diagonal from me, on my right. Little did I know it, but he actually lived in my neighborhood. I mean, on the first day of school I had noticed him, but I hadn't really seen him, if you know what I mean. He was constantly looking at me, I realized, and wondered about it.
The 3rd day of school was when I actually started talking to him, I guess he knew who I was, and I mean, I did know his name. When I asked Luke for a pen to borrow, he gave it to me, and I smiled at him, trying to be friendly. I constantly talked to him, and he seemed nice. But at the end of class, thats when the drama started. I know, pretty early for drama. Austin, was his name, and he was ok, at that point, I definitely did NOT like him, well as like boyfriend like, as he was ok as a friend. I guess since he had been watching me, he suspected something between Luke and me, since I was always smiling at him and talking to him, but he didn't mind.
So one day, Austin said "you should go out with Luke. You seem to like him and I think you to would make a good couple."
I started freaking out and was like " omygod no way! I may no him really well as he has been in like all my classes, but there is no way i would go out with him! I don't even like him that much as a friend!"
" Well you seem to be flirting with him all the time, and I think that you would make a good couple!"
" Well, you are wrong. I definetly don't like him, and I don't know where you got that idea."

The next day was Saturday, and me and my best friend Lucy were going to the mall. We spent the whole day walking around the mall, going in and out of stores, not really buying anything, except at the very best stores.
We lived in Los Angeles, so they had the greatest stores there, and both Lucy and my family were very rich, so we had tons of money to spend on stores like Coach and Express.
" So, yesterday, Austin said that me and Luke should go out. I had not heard anything around school, but do you know if there are rumors going around that we like each other?" I asked Lucy.
" No, I hadn't. Do you think this is my color?", she asked me, holding up a teal slouchy dress, that was slightly baggy on purpose.
I studied it, before saying " yeah, it goes really well with your dark hair.
"Great, ok well, I'm ready to checkout. I think I only want the dress and these two shirts" she said, holding up the dress, a white shirt, with a owl on it, and a red pink top that had real gold on the top, along with a few rubies and diamonds.
"Ok, well, the line is long and i need a few more minutes, so go stand in line and I'll be there in a few."
" Alright see ya" Lucy replied, and went to the line.
Knowing her, even though she has a boyfriend, she would start flirting with the cute guy a spot in front of her.
I sighed, rolled my eyes, then went over to the section of the store with the shoes, and browsed the shelves, looking for a cute pair to go with the pink lacey tank top and pre-ripped jeans that I had bought at Allia's, the store where you would be lucky if you found a shirt under $75. Hurried by Lucy, who was getting closer and closer to checking out, I finally decided on a pair of gold flats and a pair of white wedges. Neither really went with the outfit but i figured that I could find something to wear them with. I picked up all of my bags, and hurried to checkout, just in time since Lucy was just getting to the front.
I jumped in line behind her, and she smiled, before saying bye to the guy in front of her,( who probably gave her his #), and dropped her stuff on the checkout counter.
The teenage chic who was at the checkout counter sighed, before saying " Hello, welcome to Kitson, is this all?"
I laughed at Lucy's expression, as I knew she hated people like this, but I guess she decided to tolerate it because instead of saying some snide comment she just replied "yeah thats it."
The checkout lady quickly checked Lucy out and then it was my turn. I placed the two pairs of shoes on the counter, but was all of a sudden startled, when the girl jumped up and exclaimed" yes! break!", and ran out of the store.
I still had that surprised look on my face, when the new checkout person came in.
That surprised look stayed on my face when I saw who was going to be checking me out, because he was absolutley drop dead gorgeous. He was as hot as Ashton Kutcher, and i guess Lucy was hating me then, because she was staring at me and then him. I laughed, and then decide to rub it in her face.
I placed my shoes on the counter, and smiled at him. When he smiled back I was thrilled.
I stuck out my hand. " Hi I'm Macey! What's your name?"
"Tyler" he said, in a adorable boy voice, shaking my hand. "You live around here?" he asked me.
"Oh yeah, totally. I come here like every weekend almost. How come I havn't seen you before?"
"Well, I just moved here, and I am not going to start school till the 2nd quarter, so I've mostly been working during the week days. Is this all?"
"What, oh yeah"
"Well then your total is $213.48."
I handed him my plasma credit card, and in exchange he handed me my bag. While he was printing my receit, I dug through my bag for a pen and a peice of paper, wrote my # on it, and then when he handed me my receit, i signed it, and handed the peice of paper along with the receit back to him.
"Whats this"? he asked, looking down at the paper.
"Oh, thats my #. I figured that if you were new around here then you might want someone to help show you around."
By this time, Lucy's eyes were practically a mile outside of her scull.
Tyler smiled and looked back up at me. "Well, I might have to call you sometime and have a true Californian show me around!"
"Sure. Anytime."
"Hey, spead it up. I've got a limited amount of time here" someone from the line shouted, ruining the perfect moment.
Tyler glanced at the line and then back at me. " Well, I guess there is other people who have to be checked out." he said. "see you around?"
"Definetly! See ya!"
I grabbed my bag, and purse, and headed for the front of the store, where Lucy was waiting for me.

Later that day when I was in my bedroom, looking for a outfit to wear on Monday, I got a text. I picked up my phone( an iphone 4g) and saw that it was from Austin.
" So, have you talked 2 Luke yet? I can set u 2 up if u want me 2"
I sighed, and then texted back" i do not like him. he is just a frind. stop buggin me."
I sighed again, threw my phone at the end of my bed, and then plopped back onto my bed, with Tyler on my mind.
I was startled a few minutes later, when my phone started ringing, with the ringtone of a recorded message saying " incoming, stupid person. Incoming, stupid person, which signaled that it was a call, instead of a text, from Austin.
I quickly sat up, then leaned over and grabbed my phone. I hit the green button on the screen, then leaned back onto my many pillows.
" Hello?"
" Hey its Austin"
We got talking for a while, I guss we had a lot in common. Then, all of a sudden, it came out of nowhere.
"Hey Macey, well, since you do not like Luke, will you go out with me? And I am being serious so please do not think that I am joking."
I was frozen for about 2 seconds. Then I dropped my phone onto my bed with a startled squeak. I left it there, staring at it, with a look of terror and surprise on my face.
"Uh, hello? Macey? Are you there? Ok well, I'm going to hang up now."
He waited for a minute, I guess he thought I was going to go right back to talking to him. When I didn't he said" well uh, ok, um, I guess I'll see you at school, and uh, I'll text you later. Ok? Well, bye!"
He waited another minute, and then I heard a beep, and then the voice tone thing. I leaned over, hit end, and then grabbed my phone. I decided that the only way to distract myself, was to organize the new clothes that I just got, so I grabbed the millions of piles of new clothes, took my phone, and my ipod, and pushed open my closet door. I padded along the red carpet that was in the middle of it- like a runway-then when I came to the end of my closet, I went to the left of my closet, where there is a little nook.
In there, I had the 3 sides that it consisted of, with floor to ceiling mirrors. There was a stool in the middle, and up in a corner was a T.V.
I dumped all of the clothes on the stool, paying no attention to the fact that almost all of them fell off. I then sat on top of whatever was left of them, pulled out my phone, and texted Lucy.
" Omg! U will never guess what austin just did!"
"???????"
" he askd me out!!!"
"omygod! what did u say?"
"hang on. ill call u"
I went to my contacts, and clicked on Lucy's number. She answered on the first ring.
"Speak, and don't leave anything out."
" Well, we were just talking, about random stuff, and then he said that since, I wasn't going out with Luke, that I should go out with him. He also said that he wasn't kidding, so I should take him seriously, and not take it as a joke."
"Oh my gosh. You said yes though right?"
"Well, no, I didn't say anything. I mean, it was totally unexpected and I didn't know what to do."
"What? Are you crazy?"
By this time, Lucy was practically yelling, and I had to put her on speaker and then turn the volume down.
"You are one of the only 9th graders without a boyfriend, and then when a totally popular totally hot guy asks you out you said no? Are you insane? You could become a unpopular! You need a boyfriend! And no, Tyler dosn't count right now, since he isn't starting till next quarter. You need a boyfriend now!"
"Jeesh. Calm down Lucy. I mean come on. I don't like Austin like that. He is just a-"
I was cut off by Lucy, who went back to yelling at me.
"It dosn't matter if you don't like him! You can not risk becoming unpopular, just because you don't have a boyfriend! Either go to him and say yes, or find one. Someone who is in this grade or higher, who goes to our school!"
Lucy sighed, obviously frustrated, and then hung up. I then sighed, threw my phone down, then leaned back against the wall.

On Monday, when I got to school, Lucy was after me right away. She was wearing the teal slouchy dress she had got at Kitson. She had cinched it with a thick black belt, black leggings, and ballet flats. Her hair was straightened, and held back by a black barret with diamonds on it. Me, I wore a pink tank-top, a jean mini skirt with strategically placed rips , and a pair of rainbows. I had thrown my hair into a ponytail, curled it slightly, and stuck a pink ribbon with rhinestones over it. Compared to Lucy, I looked like a 4 year old slob, but I did not really care.
"Did you talk to him? Or find yourself a different boyfriend?"
"Lucy, look. No one ever became unpopular just because they did not have a boyfriend. I am fine. I really don't want to date Austin, so stop trying to make me."
With a huff, I hurried off to homeroom. Lucy groaned, spun on her heels, and stalked the other way. When I got to my homeroom, with Mr. Karl, I sunk into my seat, and dropped my bag and my purse on the ground. I sat in my seat, looking dazed for a few minutes, before realizing I was the only one in the classroom. I stood up, and walked over to the doorway, and peeked out. The teachers don't really care what we do in homeroom, so I walked across the hall to Ms. Cherry's room. My best friend Clara, was already in there, sitting at her desk doing her makeup and talking to her other friend Makenzie.
"Hey guys! What's up?"
Makenzie looked up at me and smiled before saying "hey to you to." I laughed faintly. Makenzie and I have known each other for 6 years. She was in my 3rd grade class. We were best friends, but over the years we kind of drifted apart. Now, we barely acknowledge each other, except on rare occasions. Clara has known her only since last year, but they soon became inseparable.
Clara snapped her compact mirror closed, shoved in the mini shelves to her makeup kit, and shoved them both in her giant purse before looking up at me. She seemed to be studying me, and then all of a sudden said "you know what? You should find a boyfriend. Like maybe" she tapped her chin and seemed to consider it, before saying "Austin?"
I groaned. " You have been talking to Lucy haven't you."
"Um, maybe?" Clara smiled sheepishly, and sighing, I dropped into the seat in front of her and spun around to face her.
"So you really think I should get a boyfriend?"
"Well, I don't know. I mean, Lucy told me to prompt you to say yes to Austin, but honestly, I think you should do what you want."
"Ok. Thanks. Uh, I'm going to go back to my classroom so I'll see you later."
"Alright see ya!" Even before I was gone, Clara's attention was directed to her phone, which started beeping with a text.
I walked back to my room, just as everyone started coming in. Mr. Karl took his place in the middle of the hall, chatting with the other teachers, and I went and sat down next to Jenna, a girl who lives across the street from me. She is the popular cheerleader type, blond, bubbly, and blue eyed. The three B's are what basically classify most of the girls who we know are going to make the cheer-leading squad. Most people figure out who is going to be on the squad, just by the practices, so when the competition rolls around, about 3/4 of the girls don't bother showing up.
Because of the resemblance between me and Jenna, as I am classified into the three B's category as well, most people see why we became instant friends.
Jenna looked especially pretty today, wearing a pink girly halter top dress, that sparkled when she moved and had lots of layers made out of mesh. Her normally curly hair had been straightened and left down, with nothing but a small pink barret to keep her bangs out of her face. She wore a pair of silver half gladiators, ones that I had seen at Express, but not gotten. When I asked her if there was an occasion, she said it was her boyfriend Parker's birthday, and later that night they were going on a date, and she had gotten a special present for him.
I felt a small twinge of jealousy, as she and Parker had been going out for 9 months, whereas I was getting yelled at for not saying yes when someone asked me out. But I pushed that aside, as I knew it was my own fault. Tons of boys would be lining up at my door to ask me out, if it wern't for last year, when I turned down 4 of the most popular boys in the school. Now, all of the other guys do not want to have to face that same kind of embarrassment, so most of them stay away.
I was about to ask Jenna what she got for Parker, when we were both interrupted by beeps from both of our phones. There were a few beeps around the room as well, and everyone took out their phones. I read the message and gasped.
" Macey Caldwell can't find a boyfriend. Could you be the one? If so, feel free to contact her."
My eyes grew huge as everyone turned to stare at me, as it seemed the message had been sent to everyone in the school. Then they all turned back to their phones and began texting their friends. A minute later we were all disturbed by another text.
" Macey Caldwell said no to Austin Kiln. Can you believe that? Do you think you are good enough for her?"
I felt my breakfast lurch in my stomach, as I stared at my phone. Only one person could have sent this. I grabbed my phone, and stormed out of the room, and went to Mrs. Star's room, 3 rooms down. I stomped over to Lucy's desk, and pulled her phone out of her hands. What she was typing next confirmed my suspicions.
"What are you doing?" I practically screamed at her.
She looked guiltily up at me. "Uh, I was trying to help. I mean, you need a boyfriend and I figured this was a way to get one."
"No, this is a way to embarrass me in front of everyone in the school body! A way to let guys feel free to never leave me alone. A way to for Austin to think I don't like him."
"But you don't. You said so yourself. You said he was just a friend." Lucy said with a smug smile. She crossed her arms and waited for me to say something. Since nothing came to my mind, I threw her phone on the floor, spun around, and stomped furiously out of the room. On my way out however, I ran into Austin who was just walking in. I brushed past him quickly so I would not have to face him, and ran to the bathroom. As I waited for it to clear out, as there was a huge group of girls in there, I sat on a toilet seat, and took out my phone. I began texting Kaylie, my friend from New York who I met on vacation 2 years ago.
"My life is ruined!"
I didn't receive a text for a few minutes, which is unusal for Kaylie, and when I finally did it was surprising, because she never does not text, even in school.
"Sorry, I can't talk now, in school."
I sighed, frusturated, and threw my phone onto my lap. When bathroom finally cleared out, I unlocked the stall that I was in, and walked over to the mirror. Checking under the stalls one last time, I began to do what I loved most. Sing.
"First rule, never let em change you
Rule two, do you to the fullest
And never be ashamed to
Your just good at what they can’t do
And they hate that, they wanna paint you
In they color, put you on another
But what they don’t accept, and what they don’t see
The best thing is what you already be"
BBRRRIIINNNGGG!!!!! I jumped at the sound of the bell, and stopped singing. I stuffed my cellphone into my back pocket, straightened my skirt, checked my hair, and ran out of the bathroom to class.

During dissmisal that day, I received the best thing that happened that day. Carter Farley gave me an invite to her anual back to school party, that she hosted a little before a month of school had been in session. Carter was one of the girls, who used to be a big bitch, and she still is, but that is what made her become popular. I had once been told that I wasn't popular, because I wasn't mean. When I became popular, I wondered if I had become mean, but after that popularity became to important to me, so I really didn't care.
I looked down at the invite.
"You are invited to Carter's back to school party!
This year, dress up formally!
rsvp by August 30!
Bring a date! There will be prizes for outfits!
It is on September 2nd!


Later that night, I received another text, guess who!
"I heard that Macey is going to be at a party! better start practicing dancing guys!"
"Ugh"! I groaned, and dropped my phone. It seemed these days all I did was groan and sigh. I think my life was turning into a living hell. I reached down, picked up my phone, and set it down on my desk in its charger. I then went to my closet, and came back wearing a purple tank top, bright green shorts, a pair of white knee highs, and a green sleeping mask... my pajamas for that night. I climbed into bed and slid under the thick teal comforter. I turned over on my side, and went to sleep.
The next morning, I woke up really early for some reason. Once again, I sighed, but knowing that I would not be able to get back to sleep, I climbed out of bed and took my sleeping mask off. I set it on my nightstand and then walked over to my desk. I picked up my phone, and checked it for any missed calls or texts. None. Not that I expected any, but it was nice to know that Lucy wasn't getting on my bad side yet that day. I then proceeded getting things ready for that day. We had cheer-leading tryouts after school, and then after that I would have to go straight to dance. Then I would go home, attempt to do my homework, snack on some stuff, and then at 6:30 go to etiquette lessons. My mom seems to think that I need to behave like royalty, so she makes me do the stupidest things, like etiquette. After that, I would go home, find something to do for a while, and then at 9:00 I would eat dinner. The rest of the evening would be up to me, and I intended on spending it in the bathtub, soaking, and then getting a massage.
I first started on dance stuff. Into my duffel bag sized ballet pink dance bag, went 2 pairs of tights, one pink, one white, a ballet pink leotard, then a purple one, and a warm up one. Then my white warm up suit, a hoodie, and sweatpants, with toe footies. My shoes consisted of 3 pairs of ballet shoes, one pair of white keds, and a pair of heels, for practicing walking in. Finally, I slid in a extra outfit, and 2 towels, along with a snack, and a water bottle.
Then my cheerleading tryout stuff went into a smaller blue duffel bag, a pair of black Sofie's, a pair of pink Sofie's, 2 pairs of white leggings, professional white cheerleading shoes, 3 purple tanktops, one white one, and an extra outfit.
All I needed for etiquette was an outfit, so Into a giant zebra printed purse went black heels, a navy blue skirt, pantyhose, (ugh!), a white blouse, and a navy blue vest.
Then I stood up, and walked over to all of my bags, tapping my finger on my chin, looking for a good backpack to use today. I finally decided on a light pink backpack with white swirls on it, a green lunchbox, and my favorite jean purse.
The last thing to do was get dressed, so I spent at least 20 minutes looking for just the right outfit.
I finally decided on a light blue tanktop, with skinny jeans and a pair of sparkly black ballet flats. I spent 24 minutes, crimping my hair, and then another 20 applying hairspray. I slipped on a big chunky necklace- a thick gold chain, with a clump of small skinny silver chains, diamonds, balls, and pearls at the bottom of the chain. The last half an hour went into applying makeup. I took extra care to get it all just right, and not smear anything. 2 layers of mascara, a skin tone brown colored eyeshadow, a tiny bit of blush, then my lips. A bottom coat of lip plumper, then lip stain, a super light pink lipstick, then clear lipgloss, and finally a few dabs of lip sparkle. I brushed my cheeks one last time with the makeup brush, sprinkled in a little sparkle to my hair, and changed into my small pearl earings. I slipped on a white and grey striped open button down sweater, and undid all of the buttons. It was a little warm for the weather, but in my opinion, it didn't matter the temperature, just what you wear.
I slipped all of my school stuff into my bag, put my cell into my purse with my wallet, and grabbed everything and went downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, I dropped my purse and my bag, and with my lunchbox, walked past the swinging doors, and into the kitchen.
"Grace!" I called out.
From behind a teetering stack of breakfast platters came Grace, one of our cooks.
"Out, out! Breakfast will be done in a few minutes, miss. But out for now."
" Ok."
I handed her my lunchbox to fill, and walked out. I sat down in a dining room chair. My mom, was already out on the court, practicing with Andrea, our tennis coach. My dad had a coffee in front of him, and was reading the newspaper, but as soon as I walked in he put it down.
" Well hello there sunshine. What are you doing up this early?"
" I don't know. i just woke up early and got moving fast."
" Well good luck today with whatever you are doing, and I'll see you later. I've gotta bounce. Meeting this morning."
He got up, grabbed his newspaper and briefcase, and walked out the front door. He got into the waiting car on the driveway, and John, one of our chauffeurs, drove him off to work.

What: macey's Blog
Time: sometime in the middle of math class
Why: who cares?
We were sent to the computer lab to do whatever we wanted to do during math class... I guess the teachers eventually got bored of us not listening to the boring crap that they say, so all of our math class was sent here. We were told that we could do whatever we wanted on the computer. Now quote, remember I say "on the computer." I took the liberty of going on this lame blog thing that the teachers have set up for us. Noone goes on here to do anything, except for profanity, and they never look at what everone else posts. So I should be fine writing whatever and not worrying about what to do. Most of the class is on Facebook, or texting. The boys however, are swinging from loose lights, fighting, or spraying each other with silly string. So much for the computer...

I sighed, and logged off of the blog. I didn't really feel like doing anything. I shut my computer down, and looked around the room. I had to duck, to avoid being bombed with silly string.
"Hey Macey! Will you go to Carter's party with me?'
"No! go with me! Your'e hot!"
Shouts came from all across the classroom, from boys. Everyone was laughing. So I did the only thing I could think of. I clutched my stomach, grabbed my purse, and put my hand over my mouth. I then proceeded to run out of the room and ran down the hall to the bathroom. Once I was in the safety of a stall, I pulled out my cell. I then called Cameron, my personal driver.
"911. I need you to pick me up now!! I hung up right after that. He would know who called him.

I unlocked the stall door, went over to the mirror, touched up my makeup, and walked out.
I went to my locker, and got all of my stuff together. Then I walked back to the computer lab, but instead of go in and have to face the humiliation, I waited outside the door, texting Kaylie.
When Cameron showed up, I avoided his eyes, as I dropped my bag on the floor, then headed for the door. He picked up my bag and followed. As I slid into the seats of the plush mini limo, Cameron said "where to?"
I thought about it for a minute, before saying "the mall." I didn't have a dress for Carters party yet, and I wanted to see if Tyler was there.
When we arrived at the mall, Cameron said " Ok, I'll meet you here whenever, just call me and say you want to be picked up."
"ok. thanks for the ride. I'll see you later." I turned off the t.v that was in the car, grabbed my purse, opened the door, and gasped when I was blinded by sunlight. I quickly opened my purse and took out my heavy silver sunglasses, and slipped them on. I slammed the car door shut, then headed for the doors of the mall.
I first headed to K's Boutique, for a dress. In the end, after looking through the millions of racks of clothes, I finally decided on one. It was a black haltor top dress, that faded into white, like tye-dye, at the bottom of the dress. A Skinny red ribbon belt went through the middle of the dress, and on the side was a small red rose. To match it, I got striking red sandal heels, and a small white purse, with black sequins on the edges. It was perfect.
I also got a short yellow girly flare dress, a purple mini dress, a pair of white heels, and a 2 black barrets for my hair. (The clip, not the out of style yet still stylish hat.)
I then headed to Kitson, and on the way, prayed on my lucky stars that Tyler was there. I guess my stars were on my side that day, because when I walked in the door way, Tyler was checking out people. The line was short, and there was a perfect strapless pale pink shirt on the rack next to the window. That way, I would have an excuse to go get in line, and I didn't have to spend time looking for something. I pawed through the sizes, grabbed a small, then made my way to the line. When I finally got to the front of the line, I quickly coated my lips with very berry clear gloss, then walked to the check out counter. I put the shirt on the counter, and said "just this."
Tyler looked up, and when he saw me he smiled.
"Hey you! What are you doing out of school at this time? Not skipping are you?"
"Me? Of course not! why would you think that?
He smiled, then checked his watch. "Hey. I get my break in 2 minutes. Want to go grab something to eat?"
"sure! I'd love to!"
"Awesome."
Tyler quickly checked me out, then checking his watch again, he stood and waited for the next person to come check out people. When the overweight teen came in, holding a magazine in one hand and a donught in the other, Tyler grabbed his wallet, placed his name tag on the counter, and stepped out. He walked up to me, and we walked out of the store.
" Want to go to Pinkberry?"
" Sure!" I didn't mention that I didn't eat sugar or fat, so on the way there I was racking my brain for an excuse not to have to eat anything. When we got there, I gave up, and looked at the menu. I figured I deserved a treat, but I knew I couldn't indulge, so when Tyler asked me what I wanted, I said " A mini mango, with coconut and shaved chocolate toppings please."
I went to pull out my wallet, but Tyler knocked it away, with a simple " my treat". I blushed and put my wallet away, all the while thinking " wow. cute, and with decent manners on how to treat a girl."
"Hey, do you mind grabbing a seat? This please tends to fill up fast."
"Sure!"
I looked around the room, then walked over to one of the few empty booths. It was perfect, In a corner, kind of away from everybody else, next to a window. I wiped it down with a napkin, shoved all of my bags into the seat that was away from the window, and slid into the booth. I then checked to see where Tyler was- he was waiting in line, about 8 people in, his head was bent and he was texting. I took that time to take out my mini makeup kit and make sure all of my makeup and hair was perfect- it was.
After waiting for 7 minutes, Tyler walked over, with our orders in his hand. he slid into the seat across from me, and slid my frozen yogurt in front of me, along with a spoon. He placed his in front of him (a medium chocolate, with fresh kiwi's, brownie bites, marshmallows, strawberrys, and choclate chips on top.) He dug in, taking a giant bite. I smiled when he got it on his nose. I picked up a napkin, and leaned across the table, not caring that my shirt was dropping, leaving my chest exposed, and I wiped off the yogurt. he smiled his thanks, and wiped his mouth. "So, what are you doing here?"
" Well, My friend Carter is having a party, and i needed a dress. I was in the mood for shopping, and the teachers wern't doing anything, so I got picked up early and decide to come here and shop." It wasn't far from the truth, it was almost what had happened. I though about it for a minute, then thought of something. A smile lit up my face, and I hurried to contain it.
" So are you doing anything anything Friday night? Cause we are supposed to come to the party with a date, and I don't have one yet." I then hurried to say " I mean, we would go just as friends of course, and I know you don't know Carter, but it could be fun."
" Would i have to dress up?"
" Well yeah, I mean it is a black and white party, and kind of a costume party, but i dont really care about that."
" I would be honored to go with you!"
I smiled then gasped. "Oh my god! What time is it?"
Tyler checked his watch. "4:15."
"Oh my god! I'm sorry, I have to go. I totally forgot that I had cheerleading tryouts today." I scrambled around in my purse, grabbed my cell, and fired off a text to Cameron. " get here as fast as I can. bring my cheerleading and dance bags!"
I then handed Tyler my phone. " Here. Put your number in and I'll call you." He quickly programmed his number in, as I got my stuff together. i grabbed back my phone, picked up my purse, and bags and stood up. Tyler grabbed my yogurt and followed me as I ran out of the store. I walked quickly to the entrance of the mall, and stood out side. Cameron pulled up to the curb and hopped out, opening my door for me, and then taking all of my bags. Tyler whistled.
"Sweet ride!"
I turned back to him. "I'll call you okay?"
He handed me the cup with my yogurt in it, and then leaned in and hugged me. "See you later!"
I hopped in the car and Cameron shut the door. He nodded to Tyler, then ran around to the side, and we drove off.
When I got to the school, I lept out of the car, grabbed my bag, and ran inside to the gym. I quickly ran into the locker room, and walked over to where Clara and Makenzie were standing, getting dressed. I quickly started to get dressed. I changed into my pink sophies and white tank top, then slid on the pair of sneakers that were in my gym locker. I pulled my hair into a slightly messy bun, that still looked cute, then walked into the bathroom. When I came back out, Mrs. Strawberry, the school cheerleading coach, and a former proffesional cheerleader, was handing out nametags. She called my name and I hurried up to me. I took the nametag that had my name and number on, and saftey pinned it onto my shirt. I then headed into the gym.

Three and a half hours later, the gym was full of sweaty hopefuls. We had learned the routines, the dances, the cheers, and had our instructions on what to do. On Thursday, two days away, we were to stay after school, and we would perform in front of Mrs. Strawberry, her daughter, Caroline, who was a football cheerleader, the principal, and our 3 dance teachers, Ms. Lucy, Ms. Bonny, and Mrs. Daisy. for some reason, the sport teachers insisted that we call them by their first names. We all headed back into the locker room, chattering away. I caught up to Jenna, who wore a red abercrombie tank top, and white hollister short shorts, the good ones, that didn't show underwear lines. She wore white athletic Pumas, which had red shoelaces on them. Her hair was pulled back into a perfect ponytail, that was tied with a red and white bow. She didn't even look sweaty. " How are you not sweating? We just did our best for 3 and a half hours. Non stop."
" Well, in order to make the team, you have to be really good. Iv'e wanted to be a cheerleader since I could walk and understand what happened on t.v. So I have taken lessons since I was four. I have one of the best teachers ever. My parents pay twice the normal tuition, to make sure I get the best, and normal tuition is pretty pricey. The teachers push you, and i go 6 days a week, 4 hours a day."
" Oh. Wow. Well, that seems intense. But if you want to be a cheerleader that bad...I guess you would practice that hard. Um, I gotta go change so I'll talk to you later k?"
Without waiting for a response, I ran into the locker room, and quickly changed into the extra outfit that I had packed. (A pair of short jean shorts from Forever 21, with frayed edges, a cheap pink tanktop from Aeropostale, and my green flip flops.) I piled my practice clothes back into my bag, headed outside to the waiting line of cars, waited for Cameron to pull up, and when he eventually did, I hopped in and we headed to dance.
Last edited by cassidyrose on Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:00 pm, edited 21 times in total.
I have no idea what to put so I am writing random things. There. That should be enough.




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Hey hey hey!!

You know I'll go ahead and get straight to the point. This piece is missing some things, nothing major and definitely nothing that a little editing and revision won't fix.
The first sentence of the first paragraph is just way too long. I suggest you divide it into smaller sentences, that way it doesn't seem so wordy and cluttered. That's something that I tend to wrestle with myself.
Another thing, you repeated the word 'actually' 'like' and 'really' alot, along with a few others. Word repetition can become very tiresome to the reader, and the three words that you used in particular can be eliminated altogether in most places.
There isn't a whole lot of description here, and that is needed ifvyou want to give your readers a clear picture of what us going on, where this is all taking place. Yeah it's in a school, but what is the school like? And the classroom? What stands out? What does this boy look like? The list on inquiry goes on... The way it is now, it's very vague. As a writer you want to liven up the page, color it with words and descriptions and dialogue between characters to keep it all interesting.
It's always good to have a goal to mesmerize the reader, intrigue them from start to finish and have them beg for more.

Other than those things this was a very good starting point. I hope you keep on writing this because I think it has tons of potential.

If you have any questions at all about it, feel free to pm me, I'm here day and night :)
Keep it real,
Bell3
Are you a Badfish, too?




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Why hello thar, I am Azrael and I shall be your reviewer today. *Bows* Let's begin!

Prologue


Darl, if you want to make this look more professional and less... shall we say amatuer, it'd be beneficial for you to at least put an enter (space-line) between "Prologue" and your actual story. Also, it would be completely awesome if you thought of a story title and not just "Chapter One".

When I was in elementary school, I thought there was no such thing as true love, or even crushes.


I agree with disbelief of true love, but even in elementary I'm pretty sure I knew there was such things as crushes.

Back then, guys had cooties, and if you even sat with them during lunch then you would be teased.


Depending on who you were. Don't make this about stereotypes and the "normal" thing.

But now as I am here, in 7th grade, while it dosn't seem like that long ago, and there isn't much difference between everything, I have come to realize that we all have become much more mature, and are ready to move on past the cooties stage and actually confess our true feelings for someone.


This should be cut up and swapped around. Also, you use "But" too much. I don't like repetitiveness. It should look something like this:

However, now, in seventh grade I realise that even though those days don't seem so long ago and there's not a whole lot of difference between now and then I think we have become much more mature. Like we're ready to move past the cooties stage and actually confess our true feelings for someone.


Anyway, it should look something more like that. Also, isn't seventh grade a tad bit young for "true feelings"? Unless... you're in some different country.

Now As I sit here and write this, I realize that life in elementary school was a whole lot easier.


Stop your sentence here and start a new one. Get rid of the now.

We didn't have to worry about anything silly, like dressing to impress,or making sure we're flirting just right or that if we have just the right amount of makeup on.


Fixed up a few things. :P

Back then, the only things we had to worry about was actual school.


It really is one of my pet hates. Repetitiveness. You've had "Back then" twice now as the starting of sentences. Think of something else. :D

Now, school is not really school, it is the place where you have to worry about everything.


You could get away with saying, "Nowadays" instead of now. Also, stop your sentence here.

Things like: who is dating who, who likes who, who has the best trends, what shoes or purses or anything else that are the latest and greatest. I could go on and on with a huge list.


Fixed up a few things here.

But I sit here now with a story to tell, about the drama and highlights of my 7th grade year, and everything else that happened.


You've already mentioned that you're sitting there telling the story. No need to remind us. Also, when you write 7th I think you should consider writing seventh instead.

Chapter 1


As with the prologue don't forget a line space.

As we walked down the hall, It was that day when i noticed him, actually noticed him.


I don't know what you're really trying to say in this sentence. Are you saying this:

"We strode down the hall. Today was the day. The day I noticed him, actually noticed him."


Or this:

"We walked down the hall at the start of a brand new day. It was at that moment I noticed him, actually noticed him."


Anything along these lines?

It was the 2nd day of school, and I had him in my 4th block.


I advise replacing your numbers and numbered words with actual words. Like second and fourth.

I sat right behind my best friend Maddi, to my right, was a guy named Luke, who had been in my class since 2nd grade, to my left, was a girl named Sydney, who I did not know, and he sat diagonal from me, on my right.


Sentence is too long and unimportant. Why do we need to know about the girl you didn't know? Cut up this sentence as well. While you cut it up give a sentence to each of the people you describe.

Little did I know it, but he actually lived in my neighborhood.


The bold should be replaced with "I didn't know it then."

He was constintley constantly or consistently looking at me, I realized, and wondered about it.


You probably should mention that this occured during the first day, not the second.

The 2nd day of school was when I actauly actually started talking to him, . I guess he knew who I was, and I mean, I did know his name.


Don't forget to use itallics for words which can be over-exaggerated. Also, how did the character know his name?

When I asked Luke for a pen to borrow, he gave it to me, and I smiled at him, trying to be friendly. I constantly talked to him, and he seemed nice.


Pointless. You're telling us right here. I want to be shown them talking and laughing and getting along.

But at the end of class, that's when the drama started.


Technically, you can use "But" as a starting word, but it just never... went well with me. Use it if you want.

I know, pretty early for drama. Austin, was his name, and he was ok, at that point, I definetly did NOT like him, well as like boyfriend like, as he was ok as a friend.


Makes no sense. Re-write this so we can understand it, please.

Overall:
I didn't like it. It seems cliche. You character seems like a conformist; I don't find anything unique about her. You haven't described anything - you've just told us. Your grammar is pretty good. :D So is your spelling (mostly). Don't be afraid to give your character more of a personality. Right now, she has the personality of a tac. As it is, I wouldn't continue reading this story. However, I think this has a good... skeleton. Writing a story is like building a person from scratch. It'll be complicated, but you have to have the foundations down pat first. So, this is what I advise you do: Look through your story - wherever you can find a place to describe something, describe it. When you've done that - look through it again - if its too descriptive, get rid of it. You have the potential to be a good writer and I look foward to good things from you.

Have A Nice Day,
Azrael.
Dynamic Duo AWAY!!!

A computer once beat me at chess. It was no match for me at kick boxing.

"I wish Homer was my father," - Ned's son.
"And I wish you didn't have Satan's curly red hair," - Ned Flanders.




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Hey there Cassi,

Thanks for the request!

Azrael pretty much said everything that needed to be said. I read it over completley and my one and only thought was, "Oh my god, I'm reading someone's diary" *looks around guiltily.*

That's the impression I got. Or if I was listening in on a private conversation between two friends, you know?

Also, you put a lot of numbers, but unless the number is over 100, we usually write it in letters. Tenth grade, second period. And so on.

I guess the best advice I can give you is pull back from your teenage slang. While it's important to have your own voice when you're writing, you don't want that voice to be eternally thirteen. Because you might attract crowds your age, but older people or young adults couldn't relate to the way your characters speak.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help, and I also agree with Azrael that you have real potential. Just keep practicing and you'll get there. We all started somewhere, just remember that.

Tanya :D




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I like your story. Its pretty good but really cliche. It kinda makes you see the Hollywood life which I have no experience with so I wouldn't really know. This is a story I would continue to read and look forward to it. Keep up the good work and keep writing. Maybe you could flesh out your characters a little bit more.
Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead :o <3




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hi!!I am here to review!


Prologue:
I don't think you need to have this. It says something that EVERYONE knows.

Ch.1:

1.
Spoiler
had him in my 4th block.

you mean 4th period?


2.
Spoiler
was ok as a friend

The proper spelling of this word is okay


3.
Spoiler
way! I may no him really well as he

ya' mean know?


4.

Spoiler
before saying " yeah, it goes really well with your dark hair.

you forgot a "


5.
Spoiler
a white shirt, with a owl on it,

there should be no comma between shirt and with


6.
Spoiler
gold on the top, along with a few rubies and diamonds.

WOW! I have never seen one of those! do they really sell those?????


7.
Spoiler
,( who probably gave her his #),

what?? NO!!!!!!!!! there is none of this on this site!!!!!!! no # spell the word!! *cringes in sadness that this user doesn't know this.*


8.
Spoiler
The teenage chic who

chick..


9.
Spoiler
"Tyler" he said,

okay!!! we have a lesson to learn!!!!!
"Tyler." he said
"Tyler," he said
"Tyler," He reached out his hand.

Each one is correct.


Okay, thats all the nitpicks I can do today. I liked it. Let me know if you post more.
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


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hi!!I am here to review!


Prologue:
I don't think you need to have this. It says something that EVERYONE knows.

Ch.1:

1.
Spoiler
had him in my 4th block.

you mean 4th period?


2.
Spoiler
was ok as a friend

The proper spelling of this word is okay


3.
Spoiler
way! I may no him really well as he

ya' mean know?


4.

Spoiler
before saying " yeah, it goes really well with your dark hair.

you forgot a "


5.
Spoiler
a white shirt, with a owl on it,

there should be no comma between shirt and with


6.
Spoiler
gold on the top, along with a few rubies and diamonds.

WOW! I have never seen one of those! do they really sell those?????


7.
Spoiler
,( who probably gave her his #),

what?? NO!!!!!!!!! there is none of this on this site!!!!!!! no # spell the word!! *cringes in sadness that this user doesn't know this.*


8.
Spoiler
The teenage chic who

chick..


9.
Spoiler
"Tyler" he said,

okay!!! we have a lesson to learn!!!!!
"Tyler." he said
"Tyler," he said
"Tyler," He reached out his hand.

Each one is correct.


Okay, thats all the nitpicks I can do today. I liked it. Let me know if you post more.
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame




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sorry that was an accident
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame




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Just a few nit-picks:

As we walked down the hall, [color=#BF0000]It was that day when i noticed him[/color], actually noticed him.


I needs to be capitolized, but 'It' doesn't. And the 'As me walked down the hall, it was hte first day' seems kind confusing and backwords, so you could write ' As we walked down the hall that day, i noticed him for the first time,'

It was the 2nd day of school


Now dont be to mad over this one, because I do it too. When writing, never use numbers. you have to spell it out. a pain, I know, but you need to.

Now the good stuff!:

Now as I sit here and write this, I realize that life in elementary school was a whole lot easier,


Just wanted to say... true that!

I have to go now though, time for bed. I shall finish reveiwing tomorrow!

Keep on writing!
-Ruth




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I wish people didn't focus so much on the bad because this is good.....is grammar and punctuation really so important at this point? I mea, this is an online fourm people
Bella:)



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— W. A. Nance