Young Writers Society

It's like how you know it's going to rain,
but you're just not sure when.
So, you grab your umbrella before you leave,

To shield yourself from the rain,
but it's still there to hit you right in the face.

It doesn't protect you for long because it blows away.
You get soaked with all the rain,
and you have nothing to protect yourself from it.

Then, you curse and cry because you feel helpless.
You blame God for not having a "Plan B" in store,
but you know it's nobody's fault.


You were prepared for the rain...but you were never really ready for the storm.



I wrote this in the passing of my mother. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I just never really knew when, ya know? The "rain" was her "pain" and the "storm" was her "death." I guess...in a sense. And the umbrella was just my readiness.

Anyways, I wrote this a few years ago, so no harsh comments, please!

Your poem is pretty good. I'm really sorry about your mom :/But anyway about your poem it's pretty good but like when you say "you get soaked with all the rain, and you have nothing to protect yourself of it." I don't think with all the rain is really needed or of it

Hey Here comes the Vamp for a review!

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, and I'm really glad you chose to write about it. I really like this piece, especially the metaphors and the lines "It doesn't protect you for long" down to the end

Now, to critique.

First off, the format confused me a little. It seemed more prose than poem to me. I would suggest fine-tuning it a little more to give it a little shape, perhaps splitting up the lines?
Here's an example I'll pull off the top of my head:

It's like how you know it's going to rain,
but you're just not sure when.
So, you grab your umbrella before you leave,
to sheild yourself from the rain...

but it's still there to hit you right in the face.

It doesn't protect you for long because it blows away.
You get soaked with all the rain,
and you have nothing to protect yourself of it.

Then, you curse and cry because you feel helpless.
You blame God for not having a "Plan B" in store,
but you know it's nobody's fault.

You were prepared for the rain...
but you were never really ready for the storm.

See how that makes it a little more accessible to read? I think this poem has excellent potential, and I shall do my best to help bring it out

So, here's where I nitpick.
There are a couple of spelling/grammatical mistakes, which I'll go through and correct in red. I'll also capitalize the first letters of each line.

It's like how you know it's going to rain,
But you're just not sure when.
So, you grab your umbrella before you leave,
To shield yourself from the rain...

But it's still there to hit you right in the face.

It doesn't protect you for long because it blows away.
You get soaked with all the rain,
And you have nothing to protect yourself from it.

Then, you curse and cry because you feel helpless.
You blame God for not having a "Plan B" in store,
But you know it's nobody's fault.

You were prepared for the rain...
But you were never really ready for the storm.

Ok, my last critiques
Lastly, I think a couple of the lines could be refined a little to be more "poem-esque"
Again, I'll go through it, giving an example.

You know it's going to rain,
You're just not sure when.
You grab your umbrella before you leave,
To shield yourself from the coming rain...

But it's still there,
To hit you right in the face.

It doesn't protect you for long
Because it blows away.
You get soaked with all the rain,
Nothing to protect yourself.

You curse, cry because you feel helpless,
Blame God for not having a "Plan B" in store,

But you know it's nobody's fault.

You were prepared for the rain...
But never really ready for the storm.

So I really, really hope this helps, and again, I really like your poem. Of course, this is all just my opinion, and feel free to disregard any and all of it if you want, it's your work.
Keep writing!
Vampyre

Thank you for your review. And I'm glad you weren't all mean about it. And thank you, also, for your being sorry. It's alright. I know it isn't really formatted like a poem, but I didn't write it like a poem. I wrote it for a theatre class and pretended I didn't know who wrote it (it was supposed to be a famous person). But everyone liked it, and that gave me confidence. And plus, I wrote it a few years ago, which is the reason for the spelling errors. Again, thank you. And I will make the changes right now.

-Street