Let Me Love You(20)-The End

Chapter 20

Isabella sat in the rocking chair silently staring at two empty cribs. The doctor had released her to go home with restricted movement until she healed from surgery. Gary slowly edged his way into the doorway, watching her. Sighing, he leaves the room and goes to his home studio to work on songs.

When they come home I’m going to wrap them in silk blankets and cuddle them all day and night. Their soft, peach fuzzed covered skin will be so soft to touch. I want to hear them giggle. I want to see them smile. I want to see them come home, and grow into beautiful, terrible twos. I want to be their mommy.

***

Ring. Ring.

“Hello, this is Gary; may I ask who’s calling?”

“Oh my god, we’ll be right there.”

Slamming down the house phone, Gary woke up Isabella, and they rushed off to the hospital.

***
Jessica’s small chest pumped up and down slower and slower each time around. Her father’s face coming from one direction, and her mother’s coming from another. Her icy blue eyes cried out to them, sending shivers down their spines. She spent the rest of the evening making her lungs work for them to hear her, understand her pain. The machines, needles, intravenous drips dangling from her tiny body, prolonging her life, her suffering. Mommy. Daddy. Save me.

Gary tucked a chair under his butt as he slipped his hand into the incubator, letting her little fingers curl around his. You can do it. Just tiny steps at a time, but you can do it. You’re a fighter, my daughter.

The doctor walked in, realizing how delicate the situation was, and silently waited for them to ask questions.

“How long will she live?” Isabella was determined to help Jessica.

“With the machines she could live up to a week. If we take her off of the machines she would only live a couple of hours. We’ve tried and tried, but we can’t seem to find the find donor for a heart transplant, especially a heart small enough to fit in Jessica. We could wait the week out, and see if a donor comes up, but chances are very slim. It’s up to you guys whether you want to wait or if you want to do it now. I’ll come back in a while to see if you guys have made a decision.” The doctor got up and walked out of the room with tiny fast steps, away to another patient.

Gary stared down upon his daughter, little Jessica. He knew she could wait it out; he knew she was strong enough to wait for that donor, but Isabella had other thoughts and ideas.

“Gary, she’s suffering. Each tiny breath takes all of her energy. She needs us to be responsible… we’re her parents; we have to do what’s best for her.” Isabella’s face was white as snow, and she was trembling.

“No! She can make it. She can wait a week to live much longer.”

“They might not find her a donor. She might die at the end of that week. She would be put through so much for nothing. Gary, please listen to me.” She was sobbing uncontrollably.

Gary slipped his hand out from the incubator and held Isabella’s cheek; “Honey, she’s strong; she can fight.”

“I don’t want her to have to fight.”

“You want our baby to die?”

“Do you want her to be in pain?”

Isabella turned her back to Gary, and slowly traced every detail of Jessica’s small frame, to memorize her. Gary walked away and stood over Jonathan’s incubator. He was strong and healthy; he was going to make it. I can’t believe she’s going to give up so easily. She’s letting our daughter go. Well, I won’t have it. Jessica will make it; we just have to wait it out. God please… tell Isabella to just wait. His tears trickled upon the plastic covering of Jonathans incubator, and as Gary wiped them away Jonathan smiled up at him.

The minutes turned to hours and soon the doctor was back to finalize their decision.

“Can I hold her first?” Isabella was anxious, trembling at Jessica’s side.

“Yes.” The doctor lifted Jessica from her incubator and slowly lowered her into Isabella’s arms as the nurse made sure the cords didn’t get tangled.

Jessica’s fragile body laid almost lifeless in Isabella’s arms, with a slow thump, thump of her heart. Jessica filled her lungs with air as she blew it all out, crying in agony. The tears splashed from Isabella’s eyes. She couldn’t do this any longer, put her baby through this any longer.

“Turn the machines off.”

***

Gary stilled looked like he was a deer caught in headlights as the nurse slowly unhooked all the machines from Jessica’s body. You monster. You’re killing our daughter.

Isabella stroked her daughter’s small amount of feathery hair. I will always remember you, my angel. I will tell your brother how brave you were. I pray your daddy doesn’t hate me forever for this, but I could bear to see you suffer. Isabella’s tears were never ending, and she couldn’t hold Jessica any tight.

Gary was furious. This shouldn’t be happening to my daughter, not even to my wife. God, why does she have to die? We need her; she’s apart of our family. Fear crept over Gary like a shadow, slow and relentless; it never ended. His hand trembled as he pulled a chair beside Isabella, and prayed for his dear Jessica. As Jessica was slowly coming to her last breath gravity was compressing on Gary’s chest; he couldn’t breath, and he was beginning to get light headed.

“I can’t do this.” Gary left the room in a haste and waited in the hallway.

He just couldn’t stand there and watch as his daughter took her last breath, it hurt to much. He slid down the wall of the hospital and broke down. This was harder than anything he had ever had to do. He had to get over daddy’s little girl, who he had only known for less than a month. She grabbed his heart and never let go.

As Isabella slowly rocked Jessica back and forth tears streamed down her face. The baby’s eyes grew heavy and with each slow swing of the chair the lower they went. Jessica’s breaths were slow and spaced out.

“I love you, my baby girl.” Isabella kissed her tiny forehead, and tucked her finger in her little fist.

As Jessica’s eyes grew heavy and finally shut, she took her last breath. Silent sobs escaped Isabella’s lips. Her little girl looked just like an angel laying in her arms. She seemed totally at peace, and serene. As Gary finally came back into the room he knew she was gone.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Gary said as the tears fell down his face like Niagara falls.

Hey Tiffany, I am glad that someone here has completed a novel. So onto a review as I've to make up for the last chapter, too.

Isabella sat in the rocking chair silently, staring at two empty cribs.

The doctor had released her to go home with restricted movement until she healed from the surgery.

“Hello, this is Gary; may I ask who’s calling?”

“Oh my god, we’ll be right there.”

I assume this all is said by Gary, right? So make it one line, and then in between you could squeeze in some action or expression. As you wish!

His tears trickled upon the plastic covering of Jonathan's incubator, and as Gary wiped them away Jonathan smiled up at him.

Gary stilled looked like he was a deer caught in headlights as the nurse slowly unhooked all the machines from Jessica’s body.

I didn't understand the stilled portion. What it meant exactly?

God, why does she have to die? We need her; she’s a(space)part of our family.

As Jessica was slowly coming to her last breath, gravity was compressing on Gary’s chest; he couldn’t breath, and he was beginning to get light headed.

He just couldn’t stand there and watch as his daughter took her last breath, it hurt too
much.

He had to get over daddy’s little girl, whom he had only known for less than a month.

As Isabella slowly rocked Jessica back and forth tears streamed down her face, the baby’s eyes grew heavy and with each slow swing of the chair the lower they went.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Gary said as the tears fell down his face like Niagara falls.

No doubt this was a good line, a good thing to show us how he felt, but as for an ending to a novel, I wanted more, badly!Something you know you would be pleased to read, and it haunts you even after you've flipped the last page.

The end is not at all what I had expected. I sincerely thought Jessica would make it and get to live with her family, but it didn't happen. But I ain't grumbling, it's your story, your wish, and quite frankly I do have a thing for the sad ends. It's not sad entirely since they do have Jonathan by their side but a loss like this would never be forgotten, not even in a million years. Even after years Isabella and Gary would be haunted with her dreams, they would wish what it would have been like if they had her alive,too. Even I would think so. So, in a way, you made this story lot more interesting and it is surely going to leave an impact on its readers long after they've turned the final page. But the issues I had this time were with your style of writing. I a going to discuss this in detail in the next paragraph.

I seriously wanted more emotions here, just tears trickling down like Niagara and all that weren't good enough for me. I would say, though, that Gary's reactions were much more realistic and better than Bella's were. She was meant to be a strong character all along, and even now she should have been. I don't mean that a strong character doesn't cry, that just makes them more real. I wanted her to have more thoughts and actions which were more than trembling, sobbing,etc. You might not agree with me, but what I want to tell that I didn't feel any pain as I should have. Though I was feeling bad by looking at the situation but not by their reactions and pain, but the mere thought of she not being in the world any longer, and Jonathan missing out on his twin, with whom he shared eight months. So, I think what you mean. This didn't seem to be coming from you as I couldn't connect. You remember that earlier I would say that I could actually feel the pain. So this didn't work out this time, sorry!

There were lot of small mistakes shattered here and there but then not a big concern and I've tried to find out as many as I could. Now you would have other reviewers, so you don't need to worry, right? I know it happens sometimes, but on the whole I do know that you have a good grammar, and a small error like this cannot take away this credit from you. I remember telling you earlier about all the points you should work upon and use after you're once finished with the story. So do keep them in mind as I feel that this whole novel does need a lot of work, and it isn't in slightest in a condition to be published(Sorry for being harsh). Just make this more enticing, more expanded, and more interesting. I think I'll leave the 'more' word here. I'm always here and you can ask me for help with anything you wish. It's not like the story ends here so does my help. When and how I get time if, I would try reading this novel again, and try to detect some points which you could probably work on. But once you've found a publisher, you get many resources where they can help you out with a novel like this. So, just work more on it, shape out things. Have fun while doing this, don't stress yourself and do PM me about the review and what you'd be doing next. Till then I'll bid a bye.

Thanks for the read(PM if you need any more review),
Shubhi

Hey! Sorry for the delay.

Rascalover wrote: Sighing, he leaves the room and goes to his home studio to work on songs.

The other sentences in the paragraph are in past tense and this is in present. Either change the first couple or change this one so they match.

Rascalover wrote: “Hello, this is Gary; may I ask who’s calling?”

“Oh my god, we’ll be right there.”

With the break like this it's hard to understand that both are Gary speaking. After the first piece of dialogue I'd say something like, "there was a pause while the doctor on the other end spoke" so the reader knows who else is on the phone and the reaction to go to the hospital makes more sense. And then have the second piece of dialogue in the same line.

Rascalover wrote: Her father’s face coming from one direction, and her mother’s coming from another.

Tense confusion again. Before it's past tense and after it's past tense and this is present. I'd change this one to fit.

Rascalover wrote: Gary tucked a chair under his butt

This sounds awkward. You could just say "Gary pulled up a chair and slipped his hand..."

Rascalover wrote: the plastic covering of Jonathans incubator,

Don't forget the apostrophe before the 's'.

Rascalover wrote: she couldn’t hold Jessica any tight.

Tighter?

Rascalover wrote:Gary said as the tears fell down his face like Niagara falls.

This analogy sounds awkward to me because there isn't any other kinds of comparisons like this in the piece. I think you could just say "..as the tears fell relentlessly down his face." or something like that.

Overall I thought it was pretty good. Since I haven't read the entire thing I obviously don't know the characters or anything super well but this was still a pretty moving chapter. I felt for the parents losing their child which is cool because I don't know the characters at all and I already feel for them.
The only thing you really need to work on is the overall grammar type stuff. I think if you read it over a little more carefully you'd catch a lot of the typos and little mistakes. A good trick is to read it out loud. It's much easier to catch the things that don't sound quite right that way.
Let me know if you have any questions or need anything else!

-Carly