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"Your Story is About..."



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Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:04 pm
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Jenthura says...



Once upon a time, there was a small but useful machine. Its name was Generator, and it fed its masters the Ideas they craved. Being no larger than the average-sized coffee can, Generator depended on its Masters for care, protection and love.
One day, after going through a rather strenuous period of Idea-making, Generator decided it no longer wanted to be called ‘it’ anymore. He didn’t know how to go about changing his title in the minds of his Masters, so for a short while he stuck with the ‘it’. Secretly, ‘it’ called itself/himself ‘he’.
“Generator!” Master Newbie called out. “Make me an Idea!”
Master Newbie was one of Generator’s favorites, not only that, but Newbie would accept nearly anything Generator cranked out. So, with high hopes, Generator churned, clicked, hummed and thrummed for an interminable time. Finally, with a clacking noise, Generator pushed out the small white card with the Idea printed on it.

“Your Story is about a machine named Generator who is a he?”

Newbie read the card, their face a mixture of confusion, mirth and disgust. “Generator! I can’t use this!”
Sulking, scrumping and mumbling, Generator turned out another story: “Your story is about a scuba diver who takes a walk through the human body.”
This time, Newbie was sated, and then, without even thanking Generator, skipped off.
Generator enjoyed a period of quiet after newbie left, but he spent it sourly. No one ever thanked Generator, he was a machine! But somehow, Newbie’s laughter of his first story had cut Generator open to new levels. Generator was determined to get his message out to his Masters that he would like to be thanked from now on.
But not directly, like he’d done with Newbie. Subtly, softly, steal their apples slowly. Generator turned his positronic potentials over slowly, cooking them in a slow warmth of silicon circuits.
When Master Aqua came along, Generator was ready. After the churning, clicking, humming and thrumming, Generator clacked out an Idea.

“Your Story is about a mechanical monkey who forces the zoo manager to thank him for his tricks.”

Master Aqua read the card as she walked away.
It didn’t work! Aqua was so absorbed in reading the strange story that she had forgotten to thank him! For sure, had his story been less crazy, she would have thanked him…right?
Generator didn’t know, but there followed a long, long time where he was unused, set on a shelf and set to trickle-charge. Left to his thoughts, Generator devised a new story, one that would change his Masters once and for all.
Before he got a chance to show them his new story, something terrible happened. At the yearly Muffin Bakeoff, someone mistook Generator for an espresso machine and set him on the drinks table. Someone else, obviously plastered to the gills with Pepsi, knocked the punch bowl over, soaking Generator.
Within seconds, the cool drink seeped between Generator’s conduction plates, resulting in a hyper-vibrance shock wave through his positronic pathways. The wave scrambled Generator’s previously upset pathways, jolting them into completely unprecedented and otherwise unreachable paths. His thoughts jumped like lightning and he suddenly saw the answer to all his problems.
Meanwhile, someone wiped his orange plastic covering and someone else dried him with a hair blow-drier. But by that time, his thoughts were too removed from familiar paths to be reverted by a simple heating.
Back on the shelf he went, but not before he turned out a story all by himself, without anyone asking him for one.

“Your Story is about to end.”

Part Two

Generator changed.
Not only on the inside, where a dangerous hypertensive shift threatened to unbalance him into positronic freezeup forever. No, he changed outwards as well.
Originally, Generator’s bright orange plastic was inviting and cheerful, but now it slowly turned darker until it was blood-red. The Idea-card slot got thinner and darker until it looked like a sour, puckered mouth. The two lights atop Generator’s casing (one “Busy” the other “Error”) quit their soft blinking shades of blue and green. Instead, they now glowed all the time with a vermillion core.
His emotions were hard to direct, was he angry at the Masters? At himself? Was it coincidence that pushed the punch over? Was it a freak wind? Ghosts? His anger, lacking a target, funneled into himself, a downward spiral with a dangerously tight curve.
He also began questioning his reason in life, the right Masters had to shelve him, use him and spill punch over him. He wondered why he had suffered abuse at their hands for so long, why he had been laughed at for his futile attempts at Idea-making. Most of all, he wondered why he wondered; it was all very new to him.
In fact, half of him was still the old Generator, the happy and bumbling little machine. The other half desperately wanted to return to the ‘Good old days’ and sought help from the Masters. The bad half repressed these efforts, but some bit did get out. All the Masters wondered at Generator’s recurring mentioning of doctors, the other half was calling for help, calling for someone to fix him, a doctor.
But there was no chance for Generator any longer. The Masters noticed his change with a little uneasiness, but there was no other way to get cheap and ready Ideas, so Generator stayed. For a while.
The new Generator was sleek and white, all chrome and ceramic. Her Ideas were far beyond Generator’s wildest churnings. Not only that, but she produced character profiles, plot twists and intricate description work in a cute, chirrupy voice.
Generator grouchiness turned to a deep jealousy and rage. Back on the darkest shelf, he steamed and boiled and planned, his noises angry and grinding like rusty gears.
Now at least there was a channel for his anger, a reason to be angered. He had an enemy, albeit an unsuspecting one, and a goal to reach out towards with metal, grasping phalanges.
Darwin would have been proud to see Generator’s growth of arms and legs, more so of the expanding and widening Brain and Reasoning. Within time, Generator built himself up into a much bigger machine, absorbing other machines on the shelves.
Finally, fat and gorged on the blood and oil of his fellow machines, Generator turned on the new Generator, his wide arms sweeping in a windmill of death.
There was only one last chirrupy scream, a pathetic noise that made Generator’s hypothetical ears tremble with passion.
After that, Generator sat on the sad ruins of the new Generator, his body crunching the ceramic shards into sand. He took his place back and awaited a Master happily, having forgotten his previous animosity towards them (so focused was he on his revenge on the New Generator).
It wasn’t long before a Master came along, humming importantly and smiling. He needed a fresh Idea, and he was expecting the New Generator to supply him with one. Just imagine his surprise at see the oil-spattered Old Generator sitting satisfactorily on white dust.
“What happened to the Generator?” he shouted, more to himself than anyone else.
Generator had worked on a voice chip. It was mock of the New Generator’s voice, but it would serve its purpose…he hoped.
“Bad Generator, gone now bye bye no use G-g-g-generator back here.” His words were slurred and gravelly, as if he’d swallowed a bucket of rusty processors (which he had). “Master want I-i-idea?”
The Master had no appetite for Ideas any more, but he couldn’t turn away from a curiosity this large. He punched the buttons for an Idea and waited as Generator fell back into his old routine of churning, clicking, humming and thrumming. The dingy, yellow-white card clacked out and the Master took it gingerly between his white fingers.

“Your Story is about a small wart who finds a coconut in a Mars spaceport?”

The Master read the card incredulously. “What kinda junk is this? Why didn’t you give me any character information?”
The Master threw the card back at Generator and kicked the blood-red plastic carapace. He was about to turn away disgustedly when another hypertensive shift overcame Generator.
This one jumped his circuits so far from their original paths that there was no hope of ever returning. One of Generator’s claw arms grabbed the Master’s sleeve and tugged back.
“Hey! What the–” The Master pulled his arm away and ripped the sleeve of his shirt. “What are you thinking, you bucket of bolts!?”
That put generator back a bit. He had never considered his metallic/plastic body as ugly or old. He clacked his three claw-arms nervously and saw, for the first time, the rust spots and streaks of oil on them.
“You dirty junk-heap!” the Master continued. “You deserve to be scrapped and melted for being so useless and ugly.”
Useless? He was useless? The paths in his mind were already upset, this new information pushed them further, internal pressures built up. It was pure coincidence, but a hydraulic line burst in Generator’s error bulb. A single line of fluid trickled down what might have been the robotic equivalent of a face.
“I…I am Generator. A small, but useful M-m-m-machine. I–”
“Useful my left foot!” The Master bellowed, clearly agitated. “You couldn’t write an Idea if your positronic circuits depended on it!”
At that moment, Generator froze.
There were muted noises of churning, clicking, humming and thrumming.
A card shot out, hitting the Master squarely in the face.
Slowly, with the first tendrils of fear in his heart, the Master bent, retrieved the card and read it.
Generator’s eyes burned with a fierce crimson heat.

“Your Story is about x{5@!=&# KI6LLYO}UKILL*YOUKIL+LYOU*–…!”

One wide arm in the air, another slicer poised like a surgeon’s scalpel, the claws clacking and snapped, a baseball-bat shaped arm whirling like a windmill of death…

Spoiler! :
I wrote this after the recent craze of using the Story Generator rose up, notice the allusion to doctors and coconuts? It is extremely similar to Isaac Asimov's "The Bard" because of the fighting-back little machine that tells stories, in fact, I almost put it in Fan-Fiction for that reason alone.
If anyone here has read "The Bard", then they should notice the similarities quite easily.
Review and critique away!
Last edited by Jenthura on Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Thu Sep 30, 2010 1:21 am
Shearwater says...



Hey Jenthura! Pink here! :3

Fist of all, I have never read Issac Asimov's "The Bard" so...yeah. But I decided to review this piece anyways because it captured my interest. ;)
Nitpicks


Its name was Generator, and it fed its masters the Ideas they craved.

Why is 'ideas' capitalized?
Secretly, ‘it’ called itself/himself ‘he’.

I love this part. With such a simple sentence you've given us a very deep and emotional perspective of the Generator.
“Generator!” Master Newbie called out. “Make me an Idea!”

*dies* Newbie? XD

“Your Story is about a machine named Generator who is a he?”

You have this part underlined so I'm thinking it's what's printed on the card. But you add the question-mark at the end and normally, if an idea is printed, there shouldn't be a question-mark, right? Unless it's being read by the Newbie. In that case, you should have put it in quotes, you know?

Newbie read the card, their face a mixture of confusion, mirth and disgust. “Generator! I can’t use this!”

Why do you use 'their'? Are you referring to both machine and newbie? If so, that doesn't quite make sense, for I think the Generator would have loved this idea. If this is just a sort of typo, you should change it to 'his', as in referring to the Newbie.
cooking them in a slow warmth of silicon circuits.

This sentence doesn't quite make sense to me.

Within seconds, the cool drink seeped between Generator’s conduction plates, resulting in a hyper-vibrance shock wave through his positronic pathways. The wave scrambled Generator’s previously upset pathways, jolting them into completely unprecedented and otherwise unreachable paths. His thoughts jumped like lightning and he suddenly saw the answer to all his problems.
Meanwhile, someone wiped his orange plastic covering and someone else dried him with a hair blow-drier. But by that time, his thoughts were too removed from familiar paths to be reverted by a simple heating.

Um, I'm not so sure but I think 'vibrance' should be replaced with 'vibrant'.
Also, I think you should have taken out the 'meanwhile' in the transaction to the next paragraph. I find it interrupting the flow.

“Your Story is about to end.”

D: No! lol
Was it a freak wind?

I don't like this one. I thought you were going to say, freak accident. Freak wind is sort of weird, haha. My opinion.
Most of all, he wondered why he wondered; it was all very new to him.

Ditto.
There was the silent noises of churning, clicking, humming and thrumming.

*was the silent noise of churning
or
*were the silent noises
(plural, singular)

“Your Story is about x{5@!=&# KI6LLYO}UKILL*YOUKIL+LYOU*–…!”
One wide arm in the air, another slicer poised like a surgeon’s scalpel, the claws clacking and snapped, a baseball-bat shaped arm whirling like a windmill of death…

Great. Now I'm going to have nightmares based on the YWS plot generator. LOL
Just kidding. I was going to say that this ending was adrupt but I think it actually fits and I like it. So, nevermind. :)

Overall


Plot, was great. I liked the way it flowed and your train of events were done with skill and everything connected, one thing to the next, it all made sense and I didn't really have to question anything. I like the length of this piece as well, it was just enough to supply us with a general characterization of your main lead, the Generator and give us details of his personality. I liked the ending too, I mean, you can't always have happy endings, I'm actually glad it ended the way it did. I was getting annoyed with the 'masters'. Although, I knew it was coming, he was definitely going to kill them, haha.

Character wise, I mean, I've already mentioned that I liked the detail you gave. Even as the Generator's personality changed you managed to keep his thoughts clear and this motives in line. Although, I do think you should have kept a little bit of the good side in him. Like some sort of back thought, knowing that he's doing something bad but he just doesn't have the strength to stop himself. Anyway, not much to say about this. Generators, have personalities but I've never really reviewed a machine's characteristics before...

Also, I liked your descriptions. They were clear and painted some nice imagery, although I found myself 'hearing' more than I was seeing. Haha. Anyways, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story and I really liked it. One more thing, I noticed you used the word "positronic" and I was like, "huh?"
So I had to google it you know? But thankfully, Google is like god and I understood what you meant by it. Maybe you should post the definition of it in your post somewhere so other readers know what it means. Since it is connected to the book you mentioned before. Anyway, good work!
Alright, and I'm done! See ya,

~Shear
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham
  





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Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:21 pm
Jenthura says...



Its name was Generator, and it fed its masters the Ideas they craved.


Why is 'ideas' capitalized?


"Ideas" is capitalized because I refer to the story ideas, but I needed a name for the story ideas. I wanted to stay away from what the real generator does (while still having a skeleton of ideas from the real one) so I wanted "Ideas" instead of "plot sentence".


“Your Story is about a machine named Generator who is a he?”


You have this part underlined so I'm thinking it's what's printed on the card. But you add the question-mark at the end and normally, if an idea is printed, there shouldn't be a question-mark, right? Unless it's being read by the Newbie. In that case, you should have put it in quotes, you know?


I wanted it underlined because I wanted to bring out the Ideas in the story, however, in this case it needed a question mark. I actually had the Idea as a piece of dialogue, but then moved it, underlined it and kept the question mark.

Newbie read the card, their face a mixture of confusion, mirth and disgust. “Generator! I can’t use this!”


Why do you use 'their'? Are you referring to both machine and newbie? If so, that doesn't quite make sense, for I think the Generator would have loved this idea. If this is just a sort of typo, you should change it to 'his', as in referring to the Newbie.


Actually, that wasn't a typo, I really meant to use 'their'. You see, I wanted the first Master to have no singular identity, to exist solely as an abstract crowd. Therefore, I refer to all newbies (male and female) and shun the 'he', 'his', 'her' and whatnot.

cooking them in a slow warmth of silicon circuits.


This sentence doesn't quite make sense to me.


Computer chips are made from silicon wafers. Burning said wafers produces a strange heat. I know from personal experience.

Was it a freak wind?


I don't like this one. I thought you were going to say, freak accident. Freak wind is sort of weird, haha. My opinion.


Well, the whole thing was meant to be sort of weird, whacked-up and psychedelic. :D

There was the silent noises of churning, clicking, humming and thrumming.


*was the silent noise of churning
or
*were the silent noises
(plural, singular)


Oops. ><

Thanks for the nice long review! I understand that some of it is vague and makes sense only to me, but I like it that way, it preserves the 'weirdness' of it. :)

BTW, all three Masters have an identity. The first is obviously all newbies, but the other two are actual YWS users. guess who?
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Thu Sep 30, 2010 2:57 pm
Pretty Crazy says...



I liked it. It's creative and in-depth character-wise.
Poor Generator. All he wanted was to please the Master. Sometimes the best stories are the ones that come purely from the imagination. How you managed to make the reader feel sympathetic for an idea generator is quite amazing. I wish you good luck for future stories!

Write on,
~Crazy:P
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Look to Jesus.:)
  





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Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:44 pm
ultraviolet says...



Hi! ultraviolet here. :)

Okay, so I didn't read the reviews so sorry if I repeat something.

Master Newbie was one of Generator’s favorites, not only that, but Newbie would accept nearly anything Generator cranked out.


1. Love the name. xD

2. This is a comma splice, and I don't get why. "Not only that," makes no sense. You didn't give a reason why he's a favorite. You should word it something like, "Master Newbie was one of Generator's favorites because he would accept nearly anything Generator cranked out." It doesn't have to be exactly like that, but something along those lines.

No one ever thanked Generator, he was a machine!


Comma to semicolon.

Generator was determined to get his message out to his Masters that he would like to be thanked from now on.


This is worded awkwardly. Word it something like, "Generator was determined to get his message - that he would like to be thanked from now on - out to his Masters." It doesn't have to be just like that, but similar.

Oh, and I'm not sure but I don't think you have to capitalize "masters." It's not a name or a title, technically.

Generator didn’t know, but there followed a long, long time where he was unused, set on a shelf and set to trickle-charge.


This sentence feels wrong to me. I got that you meant that time was an allusion to him (that is what you're saying, right?) but I had to think a little to come up with that and you don't want us to think; it makes us take a break from the story and so it breaks the flow.

obviously plastered to the gills with Pepsi


xD

“Your Story is about to end.”


Dun. Dun. Duuuuhhhnnnn.

Part Two


Why is this split? And why are both the parts here? I could understand having two posts - it makes it easier to review - but having both parts here seems a little off. Since it's all together, you could simple leave a few lines blank to indicate scene change, and would still end up with the drama of the last line.

I don't know, this just made me stop and wonder about it instead of cramming the whole story into my head as fast as I could.

His emotions were hard to direct, was he angry at the Masters?


Comma to semicolon.

The other half desperately...


I think you mean "That half" because you're still talking about the happy, bumbling half.
All the Masters wondered at Generator’s recurring mentioning of doctors, the other half was calling for help, calling for someone to fix him, a doctor.


Put the bolded half at the beginning and it will make a lot more sense.

The Masters noticed his change with a little uneasiness, but there was no other way to get cheap and ready Ideas, so Generator stayed. For a while.

The new Generator was sleek and white, all chrome and ceramic.


This transition confused me. At first I thought that "new Generator" was Generator having transformed again. I did pick up on this, but I'd clarify at the beginning so as to keep the flow.

arm whirling like a windmill of death…


I like how you repeat "whirling like a windmill of death." It adds consistency and... I like death windmills. xD

Overall, this is a nice piece. Original. Had a fairly good flow - other than the things I pointed out. There were no big, bleeping grammar errors that were recurring. I like this. *likes*

loveness, ultraviolet <3
"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

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Thu Sep 30, 2010 7:13 pm
Sins says...



I told you I'd be here, didn't I? :twisted:

He didn’t know how to go about changing his title in the minds of his Masters, so for a short while he stuck with the ‘it’. Secretly, ‘it’ called itself/himself ‘he’.

Poor Generator... So misunderstood... :'(

Master Newbie was one of Generator’s favorites. Not only that, but Newbie would accept nearly anything Generator cranked out.


“Your Story is about a machine named Generator who is a he?”

I know you explained this... but the phrasing of it seems kind of awkward to me. xD

Newbie read the card, their face a mixture of confusion, mirth and disgust. “Generator! I can’t use this!”
Pfft, fussy.

Sulking, scrumping and mumbling, Generator turned out another story: “Your story is about a scuba diver who takes a walk through the human body.”

The reason I highlighted these words in red is because I've noticed you describing/listing things in three words quite a bit. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but with the examples, I think it kind of does... I found these examples within the first few paragraphs, which shows that there are quite a few of them. The reason this isn't necessarily a good thing is simply because it can sound a bit repetitive. This might be more of an opinion thing, but I'd suggest for you to be careful with these. This sentence below is another example of what I mean:

Being no larger than the average-sized coffee can, Generator depended on its Masters for care, protection and love.


But not directly, like he’d done with Newbie. Subtly, softly, steal their apples slowly.

Another example. ;)

Master Aqua read the card as she walked away.

Oh, I wonder who that is...? *cough* Aquamarine *cough*

Someone else, obviously plastered to the gills with Pepsi, knocked the punch bowl over, soaking Generator.

:O Noooo!

The new Generator was sleek and white, all chrome and ceramic. Her Ideas were far beyond Generator’s wildest churnings. Not only that, but she produced character profiles, plot twists and intricate description work in a cute, chirrupy voice.

Disgusting.

Generator's grouchiness turned to a deep jealousy and rage.

I think... xD

“Your Story is about a small wart who finds a coconut in a Mars spaceport?”

It begins...

“I…I am Generator. A small, but useful M-m-m-machine. I–”

This is actually making me emotional...

“Your Story is about x{5@!=&# KI6LLYO}UKILL*YOUKIL+LYOU*–…!”

One wide arm in the air, another slicer poised like a surgeon’s scalpel, the claws clacking and snapped, a baseball-bat shaped arm whirling like a windmill of death…

EPIC.


Overall

Obviously, this PWNS. This review's going to suck because a) You've already got some epic reviews and b) I can't really find much to critique 'cause the idea of this epic. Personally, I would have liked to have seen some more coconuts and doctors, but hey, what can you do? I adored the character of Generator... I felt so sorry for him. He only wants to be loved, but no one will listen and no one cares. It's terrible. Your descriptions were great and... I don't know how to explain it... fresh, I guess. Your grammar was really great and I only found a few little errors, which I'm not sure are even errors. I just wanted to find something to nit-pick. I'm weird like that. Oh, and my guess for the Masters are Aguamarine and Bolt... The Aquamarine one is obvious, but the reason I thought Bolt was the other Master was mainly because he was aggressive. Plus, in some dialogue, he called Generator a bucket of bolts. But yeah, the aggression is what made me happy with my guess. :D

The only critique for you that I have is rubbish... It's about the triple descriptive words thing. I really don't know what it's called. I don't even think there's a name for it. I tried explaining it earlier, but I'm not sure if I made any sense whatsoever. I hope I did because I'm not sure what the best way to explain it is. There's nothing wrong with using varied descriptive words, but I'd advise you to not get into a certain, specific pattern, if you get what I mean. I'm saying this for the basic reason that repetition like this can become a bit boring. You might read this critique and think WTF are you on about? That's hardly a bad thing? The problem with this wannabe critique is taat it is a bit of an opinion, thing, but yeah. I'd recommend maybe cutting out some of the three word description thingy's...

Keep writing and sorry this sucks...

xoxo Skins *Likes* ;)
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Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:12 pm
Lava says...



Hey Jenth!

Well, I really enjoyed the plot. SO, it's Aqu? (I'm using the same reasoning as Skins.) I haven't read The Bard though. SO, I can't help you on that. Anyway, onto the review now:

Once upon a time, there was a small but useful machine. Its name was Generator, and it fed its masters the Ideas they craved. Being no larger than the average-sized coffee can, Generator depended on its Masters for care, protection and love.
Well, the first line sort of made me want to skim the story. It wasn't very effective (for me at least,) and I know you can pull off a better start. Also, the rest of the story gives the impression that the Gen isn't very happy with its Masters, so 'care, protection and love,' even if it is sarcastic it doesn't give a good effect.
“Generator! I can’t use this!”
This bit of dialogue is a little awkward. You could skip the word 'Generator.' And on this subject, there is an awful lot of the word 'Generator' in this text. It's probably intentional, but I'd suggest you tone it down a bit to avoid boring the readers.
Generator turned his positronic potentials over slowly, cooking them in a slow warmth of silicon circuits.
Likes. :)
When Master Aqua came along, Generator was ready. After the churning, clicking, humming and thrumming, Generator clacked out an Idea.
Well, this line was a bit bland. Maybe give a bit more description? Just a little more so that we aren't thrust into this new situation.
In fact, half of him was still the old Generator, the happy and bumbling little machine. The other half desperately wanted to return to the ‘Good old days’ and sought help from the Masters. The bad half repressed these efforts, but some bit did get out. All the Masters wondered at Generator’s recurring mentioning of doctors, the other half was calling for help, calling for someone to fix him, a doctor.
This bit is confusing. Maybe you could rephrase a bit?
After that, Generator sat on the sad ruins of the new Generator, his body crunching the ceramic shards into sand.
Where did sand come from?
He clacked his three claw-arms nervously and saw, for the first time, the rust spots and streaks of oil on them.
There's a lot of use of 'clacks.' As much as I do like the use of it, repetition does tend to get boring.
Slowly, with the first tendrils of fear in his heart, the Master bent, retrieved the card and read it.
You could 'show' us a lot more here.

Okay, so I did like the plot and how you went about it. However, the one thing I though this could improve upon is that the descriptions were good, but you used them in these spread-out mini chunks. I would suggest going over it, adding details where you feel it could be done. Y'know, a little more development? Like maybe have Gen speculate on the Master or something else.A little more detail would help the reader. Plus, sometimes, using the same words, even if does have a good effect, in excess it actually ruins descriptions. I noticed a few such cases. Maybe some other words? A little rephrasing? And there's this mild impersonal way with which you have tackled the Generator. It doesn't make me 'feel strongly' for him nor does it make me hate him. And I'm not sure if this is good/bad.


Overall, good read, but I've seen better stuff from you.

~Lava
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Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
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Sat Oct 02, 2010 3:30 pm
Jenthura says...



@Pretty Crazy, thanks! I tried to make it that way!

@Utra, Skins,and Lava. Thanks for the nice long reviews, I shall spend a ponderous time chewing them slowly. :D

Ultra, I cut in half to make a pause between Gen's 'crisis' and the aftermath of it. I also wanted it to half-end, to emphasize that chilling "Your story is about to end.".

About the 'tri-adjective-paranormal-complex' (yes, there is a word for that particular phenomenon, Skins) it's not very important to the story, but I do find it interesting psychologically. I always thought my unconscious number was five, but I realize now that it's three. Perhaps this has something to do with being a small enough number to make three words not too long, but I wonder.
And, you got it right, it is Aquamarine. I actually wrote Gen's little story first, so when I thought about who the Master could be, I had the word 'monkey' in my mind. The first gift I gave Aquamarine in YWS was a dancing monkey. Or maybe it was hitting a drum.

Lava, I know the beginning was bland, but I wanted very badly to write the story (the plot was in my head when I started) and I rushed over that part.

I promise to read your reviews and edit the story!

Oh, and here's The Bard. However, I got the title wrong, it's actual named "Someday". (Also, that link will lead you to a Wikipedia page, I can;t find the online free version, sorry!)
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350 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 13307
Reviews: 350
Sun Oct 03, 2010 9:01 am
Jenthura says...



These are pictures of Gen, The New Gen and the New-Old Gen.

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When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
— Abraham Heschel