Young Writers Society

Chapter Seven (Liliah)



I truthfully felt bad for leaving Luke home with Mom and her Doctor. Dr. Evans was a tall skinny man in his early sixties, also Olivia’s Grandfather. Apparently, my Mother and he had become good friends during the last two years. Such good friends that there were times she would invite him to have dinner with us on the weekends. I was given this news only yesterday and it was too late to cancel my plans with Hunter to stay home and listen to Dr. Evan’s sarcastic jokes and stories of odd patients. I wondered how Luke would hold up, hopefully he wouldn’t get worked up and slash at the old man. To my new understanding, Luke was capable of doing these things.
Feeling Hunter’s Ford Explorer park, I let out a brief sigh. Maybe Olivia would tag along with her Grandfather and keep Luke calm. I’ve noticed Luke and her slowly working up a relationship. She didn’t even try as hard as I did and Luke still talked to her.
“You okay?” Hunter asked, opening my door as I stepped out.
“Yeah,” I lied. Luckily, my lie was convincing and he dropped the subject. We walked across the street towards the loud pumping rap music. Across the lawn, a large white brick mansion-like house came into view. Lights were displayed elegantly, glorifying its greatness. Party teens were frolicking about the yard with cans of beer while breaking into random fits of giggles. Gazing up, the magma colored sky was slowly become ash. The wind tangled itself between my strands of hair and I tucked them securely behind my ear as we crossed the parking lot.
My thoughts continued to wander back to Luke. I had to spend all morning alone with him today. In order to keep our paths from crossing, I locked myself in my room and watched the Lord of The Rings marathon on abc family. I was leaving him alone, sure I was going a bit overboard with the ignoring, but at least Luke could breathe. I wasn’t necessarily giving up on him, just allowing us some time to think. Bringing up his parents and the orphanage like it was no big deal, was wrong of me. Every time I thought of those lonely nights at the orphanage, the abandonment, my heart wrenched with pity. I could only picture a young boy looking out the dusted windows with a bemused expression, not reach out to him.
Shaking my thoughts, I took another look at Chase’s castle of a house. The building whispered secrets of royalty and I was sure the boy knew how to throw his dough. I mean, his reputation sat on his dollar bill. This party was going in the record books, I was sure of it. My eyes scanned the five acre property with a nervous laugh.
Feeling a hand slid around my shoulder, I looked up at Hunter. “Don’t be scared, Liliah. It’s not as bad as it seems, loosen up and have some fun once in a while.”
“Is that why you invited me?”
“Hm?”
“You think I’m that stressed?” I laughed.
He showed his perfect line of teeth. “You deserve some fun.”
“That, I do,” I answered smugly.
We pushed open the white doors and entered the center of the party. The living area was probably the size of my kitchen, living room and dining room combined. The white furniture looked as if it had been imported from Italy or some rich country in Europe. A glass chandelier danced on the high ceiling, making me dizzy.
Suddenly, I heard a whistle. “Damn, Liliah. I’ve never seen you dressed like this before.”
Snapping my gaze forward, Chase came walking up to me with a glass of yellow alcohol. He was dressed in a blue polo shirt, navy jeans and flip flops. Auburn hair looked ravished and uncombed on his head. Icy blue eyes scanned me up and down as a teasing smile tugged the corner of his mouth.
Taking a step back towards Hunter, I wished I had dressed in jeans and a sweater instead of this mini skirt and red top. Spending more than an hour picking this outfit showed its gratitude by spinning heads. But there was only head I wanted to spin, Luke’s. But when I left with Hunter this afternoon, he didn’t even spare a glance.
“Hi, Chase,” I muttered.
He studied the both of us, Hunter and I. “You two going out now?” As he asked that, his gaze went back to my chest and I wanted to turn invisible. Why didn’t I bring a sweater?
Just as I was about to deny, Hunter’s finger enlaced with mine. “Yeah, we’re going out,” he stated. The two stared at each other like two rams on the verge of collision.
Chase broke into laughter, startling the both of us. “It’s about time,” he clasped a hand on Hunter’s shoulder. “I’m happy for the both of you.”
Blinking, Hunter gave a twitching smile. “Thanks?” he questioned.
Chase’s attention turned back on me. “You should dress hotter for school.”
My eyes narrowed.
“Chill, Liliah, Chill. I was only joking,” he smirked. “Have a beer. Loosen up and enjoy the party, it’s not like I throw bashes every day.” He handed me a can of beer. Chase clicked his tongue, studying my outfit one more time before he left.
I pulled my hand free of Hunter’s grasp and faced him. “This is stupid, I shouldn’t be here.”
“Liliah,” Hunter rubbed his hands up and down my arms and I suddenly felt uncomfortable with the touch. “Just let Chase be, he’s probably had one too many. Ignore him and enjoy the party. I think I saw some of your friends when we came in, at least say hi and chat a bit.”
“But Luke and Mom are home with a guest, I should be there.” I tried not to sound too concerned.
His eyes flashed and he went silent for a second. “Forget about Luke.” There was a new edge to his voice. “He’s the reason you’re like this. Stop worrying about him, he can take care of himself and he doesn’t need you,” he paused, sighing, “just a while longer. If you don’t like it, I’ll take you home.”
Giving in, I nodded. “Alright.”
The next hour was spent saying hi to old friends and getting awkward glances from guys I hardly talked to. I regretted dressing up, half of me wanted to steal a white sheet and wrap it around myself.
Hunter had a large grin stretched across his cheeks. In fact, half of that was probably caused by the amount of drinks he had taken. I decided to be the designated driver today, so I stayed away from all the booze, in fear that they might have had something else inside of them. Leave it to Chase to have a clean party.
While Hunter was immersed in a conversation with his basketball buddies, I took the moment to step back and wander the large marble living room.
“Jesus Christ, who would throw a party here? Wouldn’t you be afraid to get all these expensive things dirty?” I mumbled to myself as I petted the leaves of a nearby plant. My concentration darted to the grandfather clock across the room. It had been an hour already, Luke and the others must be having dinner now. A smile form on my lips as I thought how much Luke must hate it. Dr. Evans always spent an hour talking before dinner, making everyone’s mind a pile of mush.
Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, Hunter was smiling with another cup in his hand.
“Do you still want to go home?” he asked with a puckered brow.
I nodded solemnly. “I feel out of place.”
He gave me a concerned look. “Fine,” he answered before drinking the last of his alcohol in one long stroke. He then reached out and plucked a glass out of a younger guy’s hands. “Thanks Brett, I’ll pay you back later,” he told him with a wink. I had a feeling that liquid in the glass wasn’t exactly ‘just’ beer. He nudged me towards the door. “Alright, let’s get out of here. I never liked Chase’s parties anyway,” he mumbled. Liar.
We walked back to his SUV and I rubbed my shoulders as the chilly air bit my arms, injecting me with goosebumps. Hunter opened up the back door of the car and I lifted an eyebrow at him.
“Can we talk first?” he asked.
Returning a concerned look, I entered the back of the cool car, sliding my butt against the leather. The door shut and we silently sat next to one another until he finished the rest of his drink.
My throat was dry and I felt uneasy in the shade of the night with just Hunter. He and I had been friends for a while but I knew the way he felt towards me, I just ignored it though. Never has anything more than friendship crossed my mind for us.
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked, breaking the dark peace. Without giving him the chance to speak, I blurted, “If you want to still party, that’s fine. I’ll just call Luke and get him to pick me up. I don’t think he wants to stay at the house anyway since Dr. Evans is there.”
He massaged the space between his eyes with a hard jaw. Turning to me, his eyes gave into aggravation. “Why is it always about Luke?”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Do you like him or something?” he asked, urgently.
“Huh?” My heart began to stammer. I felt moisture pool on my palms as I searched his eyes for some sort of correct answer.
“You guys can’t be together. Never.” His once friendly blue eyes bore onto mine and I felt myself drowning under his glare.
Unexpectedly, his voice became softer. “But I like you, Liliah…always have and it can work out between us. We always get along, we never fight and I’ll treat you right.” His body neared mine; my tongue tasted the scent of alcohol and punch with a gulp.
“Hunter, I don’t think you…” He wasn’t listening. Soft lips moved towards me, making me recoil and push at his chest. “Stop it!” I hissed with my head low.
His grip struggled with my arms as he pushed me back, leaning in again. “No!” I shrieked, feeling fear invoke me, coursing its way up my throat as his lips pushed against mine, halting my oncoming scream. Fingers scratched and clawed, trying to find an opening to pull myself free but with no luck. He had me lodged between the crack in the seat, his hard body like a large wall between me and freedom.
Violent kisses danced across my neck and lips. Bubbles of thick tears choked my eyes and my breathless attempt to break free was futile. I wanted to scream but there was no noise. I needed to cry out a name…
Luke…Luke….Luke… “Lucas!” The name tore its way out my throat, vibrating every sense in me. "Luke!" I screamed his name at the top of my lungs; hoping he could hear me, save me, hold me…
I wanted to apologize, to say I was sorry and that I would listen to him and stop being annoying. If he needed me, I would be willing to deliver myself. And if I needed him…
There was a flash of light overhead, making the shadows play like puppets against the stillness of the night. My mind was beating as fast my heart. Hunter looked up like a deer caught in the headlights of car.
A car?
Suddenly, the door on my side swung open. I heard a familiar voice spiting cursing like no other. Hands reached in, grabbed Hunter’s shirt by the collar and dragged him off of me and onto the lawn.
The sound of rustling and grunts made my heart slow, unexplainably. I heard a punch, then another, some more curses, then another punch.
He came. Did he really hear me? Was I dreaming? How did he know where I was? It didn’t matter; I wasn’t going to question Luke. Ever.  
__________________________________
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OMG!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I must read more!

You have some mistakes, like extra commas and stuff, but I'm going to let the others get to that. First of all, the part when Hunter kisses her violently is very good. You made the emotions she was feeling very clear and realistic. Very good job on that one.

Now, I loved the entire first bit especially, from the beginning until she finishes getting dressed for Hunter. The Lord of the rings marathon was great (I loved how normal it made her seem!) and everything she did - like barracading herself in her room, like not going to the bathroom - were very, very convincing and I loved that!

I loved her reaction with Chase: Narrowing her eyes and everything. I thought you did a great job with passing the emotion of dislike.

I loved this, in general. You are very good, did you know that? I don't have anything productive to say, sorry, I just find this a really interesting read.

Oh, oh, I think I found something! Who is the best friend character and how come I don't remember her? If I don't remember her that well, then you must not have wrote a lot about her during the previous chapters. And if she's a best friend then she's certainly got a very big role and the readers should be aware of her by now. Of course, this could be due to the choppy reading experience, maybe if it was all written down in a book it would be clearer.
Alirght, I'm done.
Good job!!!
Ofir

Heeeelloo PinkShearwater, Here to review .
I HOPE YOU READ EVERYTHING!!
Let's just get the nitpicks over with :

I was afraid of bumping into Luke and afraid to talk to him or even look at him. I don't know what it is about this sentence, but it doesn't exactly flow. Try splitting it into two different sentences.

I knew I shouldn’t have been hiding, that I should have apologized to him about my interference, but he told me…I didn’t know anything. Okay, so the highlighted part of the sentence is obviously what I found to be the mistake. I believe you got your tenses wrong try shouldn't beIt works more.

Without further ado, I snuck into my chamber and locked the door.Honestly I don't like the without further ado part. Try putting something else in there.

That’s exactly how it went the rest of the day; I evaded confrontation and didn’t utter a word to him. This part somewhat confuses me. Did she see him or didn't she? Because if she didn't then the didn't utter a word to him part is completely unnessaccary.

His fingers lifted a few strands of my hair and he cocked his head to the left. UH-OHH Hunter!!

“Love your outfit,” he mentioned as we climbed into his shiny red Ford sedan. Sedan should be capatilized.

Once we arrived at Chace’s large mansion, the kids had already taken over the place like a flock of geese. They teeter and tottered over the front lawn with cans of beer in their hands. I stepped out the car only to be greeted by the loud blasting of rap music and chilly screams from girls as they fled from boys who chased them with outstretched hands. The sky was already the color of magma and I could see the ash colored clouds roll in from the sides. The wind’s breeze tangled my hair in front of my eyes and tucked the strands behind my ears.
This paragraph is awkward to me. Try re-arranging it so that it flows more. It's more that first couple of sentences describing the part, Chace's house. Liliah wasn't really that surprised that he had a mansion. Yea, I assume that she already knew that but if she has never been in a mansion than she would have been a bit more surprised than that. She didn't really have ANY emotion toward it.Not many teenagers know what a mansion looks like.

Okay, that's it . PHEWWW!

How Realistic Was The Chapter: The chapter itself was very realistic, except for two things:
One: I mentioned it in my nitpicks, her reaction to Chace's house.
Two: You don't really get drunk on one can of beer. Which is all Hunter had to drink before they left the party. His actions after, in the car, were realistic, but I couldn't really imagine Hunter doing them without being intoxicated. Only because so far Hunters character hasnt been very outgoing so to speak. So ,yeah, I find for him to do what he was doing he'd have to have more than one beer in his system.

Overall :
I loved the chapter. It fit in with the story so far. I liked Liliah's reaction to Chace's comments. Everything was great except for what i pointed out. Luke's reaction to everything is good.

P.s - I love how she was watching a Lord of the Rings marathon. Makes everything more realistic.

Good job keep going. Your faithful reviewer from now on - Imaginemymind ( Sorry if I made any mistakes in my corecting)

Hi guys! Thanks for the reviews!

Ofir: Thanks for the comment and I totally get what you mean by Olivia, I remember I placed her in chapter three and in Lucas's POV she is mentioned as the 'girl with the blond hair'. She's going to get more screen time after this chapter so hopefully that clears that up.
Imagine: I totally get what you mean by Hunter needed to be more intoxicated >.< I figured that the glass he took from that one guy was something stronger, not exactly booze...

Also, personally, I enjoyed the Lord of the Rings part too
Thanks again for reviewing! I'll be editing this piece accordingly.

~Shear

Pink, this was fantastic. You get better with every chapter you write, with every picture you paint. You draw us readers into your worlds and that is such a great talent to have.

I have no nitpicks, I noticed nothing that needed work. And I, like everyone else, loved the touches of normalcy you added. We've all locked ourselves in our rooms, hoping to avoid someone for a while.

I have to wonder, though, if after having spent the day hiding from Luke, why her first thought would be to call him when she was in trouble. Maybe have her think through her options quickly before realising she didn't have any??

Thanks for inviting me into your world,
Tanya

Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!! I love this story and if you don't write another chapter I'm going to go crazy!!!!!!! There's nothing else to say. Please hurry on with the next chapter.

Nitpicks!

I had fought, I had tried my best and I made countless mistakes but now, I was out of breath.

- I think you can/should put a period after 'fought' instead of a comma.

I wanted to know.

- You can put 'still' before 'wanted'.

I stepped out the car...

- Isn't this supposed to be 'I stepped of the car...'?

I could see the ash colored clouds...

- Should be: 'ash-colored clouds'.

“Don’t be scared, Liliah, this isn’t as bad as it seems..."

- I think you can put a period after 'Liliah' instead of a comma.

then added with a smirk,

- You may use a period instead of a comma here.

“Just take me home, parties and I shouldn’t mix.”

- I actually didn't understand this one.

And without thinking I blurted out, “If you still want to party, it’s okay, I’ll just call Luke to pick me up.”

- I think you should put a comma after 'And'' and 'thinking'. And, I think you should use a period 'after okay'.
- - - - - - -
This was another awesome chapter . Anyway, I agree with Tanya.

Keep writing!
- Whisperer -

Thanks for the critiques everyone!
And, Livelaughlove, you sound super excited-which makes me super excited
Ugh, and again, Whisper catches all my mosquitoes. . .
Thanks bud, don't know what I'd do without you, or anyone else for that matter.
Thanks again! I'll be editing this now.

~Shear

Hey Pink.
Since Whisperer has taken care of all the mosquitoes you probably had I don't think there's much work for me.

I was afraid of bumping so I tiptoed silently and pulled out a box of crackers and few bottles of water.

Due to personal choice, I would like the word 'silently' before the tiptoed word. This can also be because we generally see adverbs placed before the verb, although of course it's not a hard bound rule.

His words echoed in my head and I griped the box of crackers harder.

I am not sure if this is American English rule, but shouldn't there be a 'p' in the word gripped? Also, here you have the right time to quote the exact words 0actually threats given by Luke in the previous to previous chapter. That would sum up things a bit, and also it would look bit more mature from writing point of view. And yeah, put the thoughts then in italics.

The sky was already the color of magma and I could see the ash-colored clouds roll in from the sides.

I have seen many people use different colours to depict the thousands shade of sky, but this was the first time I saw magma, and honestly I adored it. It was imaginative.

We walked back to his Sedan and I rubbed my shoulders as the chilly air bit my arms, injecting me with goosebumps.

Hard beats pumped inside of my head as I lost sense of everything else.

The word 'of' is not actually necessary here and it somewhat disrupts the structure of this sentence.

This was a beautiful chapter again, and I really liked the twist you had in there. Before these chapters, I had always considered Hunter a lover boy for Lei, nothing more than that. He seemed just a kind, poor guy for not getting Lei pay him any attention. But slowly his colours changed like chameleon and he turned into this big monster. I like that! Maybe I know what is up next, but it's just guess work and it would be concrete once you post the next chapter, which I know would be great.

Reality Quotient:
Indeed this was a great realistic chapter, and my answer about Lei's sudden attitude change has been answered well. I actually understand she keeping a distance from Luke because she is totally tired of running after him and wants to do what he has asked for. So full points on that.
The party thing and Hunter getting so wild is definitely a catcher in the whole chapter. But I think you can include a bit more about how she feels mentally after being abused and moreover by a person whom she saw as a safe friend. But the physical pain she had was quite right, and elaborating on it but more would be also a nice idea.
As imagine has rightly said, you don't get drunk after gulping through one can of beer, even if it has drugs. So, I think this was what probably didn't set right. I always wondered why Hunter has been named so. I think I have my answer.


You picture a beautiful painting for us to see and it is magnificent, no doubt. Your descriptions are never a clump, but well sought out. Unlike me, you have a clear picture of how your story is going to progress. Generally, I get an idea and start writing and then pours in more ideas and the story becomes confusing. I am weird into all that. But I have been thinking in depth about the novel I had managed to write till eight chapters. But it sucked, so I am going to re-write whole of it again, and I hope to get your views on that.

So, have a blast while writing this, which is very essential for a writer. And also write the next chapter fast. I don't think I'd be able to wait for long.

~Shubhi

Nice chapter, again.

The bit with Hunter seemed kind of out of place to me though- it seemed completely out of character for him. They've been friends a lot time, right? And he hadn't drunk that much alcohol it seemed.... I dunno. It just seemed really sudden to me. And I'm really curious about what he said to Luke.

Anywho- onto the next!

Nice write. c:

-Coral-

Heyooo

I'm hoping thi review won't be as dodgy as the last one.. but you know me. I couldn't make sense if I tried. Anyway, onto the review!

I knew I shouldn’t have been hiding, that I should have apologized to him about my interference, but he told me…I didn’t know anything.

I've actualy italicised the last part of this. I thought it kind of worked well... You don't have to do it, but I kind of like the effect it gives... or maybe I'm just weird.

He told me to leave him alone and that was what I was doing. I had fought, tried my best and I made countless mistakes, but now, I was out of breath.

You don't need the last comma in this.

Honestly, I had never been to a party, especially a party hosted by the infamous Chace. Sighing, I twisted the cap of the water bottle and lifted it to my lips.

What makes Chace so infamous...? O.o I'd like for you to explain.

I secretly walked out, keeping up my guard, and made my way to the bathroom.

It was Luke. He had the door open and he was giving me a hateful look but I ignored him.

I thought that a period sounded good here. Also, I thought that Luke was feeling guilty about Liliah. This is probably my pickiness kicing in again, but I'd have thought he'd maybe jut given her a blank, lifeless look or something?

Chace lifted his hands. “Never even thought about it.” He winked at me. “You should dress hotter at school,” he advised.

Pfft, perv.

He clicked his tongue, studying my outfit one more time before he left. I pulled my hand free from Hunter and faced him. “You know what, I change my mind. Can you just take me home?”

In a rush of movement, he pushed me down and locked my wrist above my head. I let out a piercing scream as he went down on me. His heavy weight was crushing and his alcoholic breath made my stomach churn. My heart burned inside of my chest as I tried to free myself by kicking my legs but he had trapped me completely. Hard beats pumped inside of my head as I lost sense of everything else. I felt powerless and numb to the point where I couldn’t even feel his hard violent kisses that danced around my lips and neck; I couldn’t feel the pain his hard hands gave to my wrist or the weight of his body on mine.

The only thing I could think was…why?

Good description


Overall

This is definitely one of my favourite chapters. It made me mentally go Dun, Dun, Duuun at the end. I'm weird like that. I adoed the description of Hunter grabbing and holding own Liliah at the end. I think that you portrayed the situation very well and it seemed realistic to me. At first I as thinking would Hunter really do that? Now I think about it though, I think that it did kind of suit his personality. He clearly loves Lilih a hell of a lot and he's clearly intoxicated, so I didn't really find it a problem. If you write Liliah's reactions in her next chapter effectively and realisticly, this scene and situation will be a very good one. It's actually harder to nail the aftermath of an incident like this than the incident itself, so that should be interesting. Once again, your descriptions were really great and they didn't feel too heavy in this chapter. Your characters are progressing well and the stry itself is becoming more and more ineresting.

My critique for you involves Chace and his parties. To put it simply, I want to know more! The party scene felt a tad bit rushed ot me. I understand that Liliah didn't like the party, so they left early. Because if that, it wasn't like you could make the party scene very lengthy or anything. The problem is that I feel like her wanting to levae was kind of random. I get that Chace made her feel uncomfortable and I think that Hunter did too, but I'd have liked for you to explained a bit more. I think tha it would be effetive if you described the party a little bit more. To be perfectly honest, this is a sugestion, not a critique. I'd actually lke for Liliah to bite her lip and try and cope with the party for an hour or so. If you do that, you could make Hunter drink more and be a bit more convincing when he's drunk in the car. By doing that, you could really show us readers the atmsophere of the party. Show Chace making out with a load of girls, Hunter constantly shoving alcohol dow his throat, annoying music balring in Liliah's eardrums while she is simply sitting there until she finally snaps and asks Hunter to leave. So yeah... not really a critique... more a suggestion.

Sorry for this review being pretty much pointless. I'm not sure what else to say xD Sorry if, once again, this review didn't make much sense and is a bit dodgy. Also, sorry for any typo's or misspelled words again... I'm still on my mum's computer because I can't find my laptop charger. Stupid me. Anyway, this is shaping up to be a really neat story. I'm looking forward ot the next chapter and I've got a good feeling tha Luke might turn up, which would be very interesting.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Feeling Hunter’s Ford Explorer park, I let out a brief sigh.

hearing, maybe?

“No!” I shrieked, feeling fear invoke me, coursing its way up my throat as his lips pushed against mine, halting my oncoming scream.

I would cut out 'feeling' here and add 'as' or something. she is feeling it, so describe it. Also, I don't think 'invoke' is the right word, although I have no idea what you meant. I mean, invoke is like when you're invoking the spirits, right? Calling them to you or something. I can't believe she's 'calling the fear' to her, right?

I heard a familiar voice spiting cursing like no other. Hands reached in, grabbed Hunter’s shirt by the collar and dragged him off of me and onto the lawn.

spitting.

aaaah! All this makes more sense now. Olivia, the car, the drinking for an hour. Great editing, Wifey, nicely done! Now I can't wait to read the next -edited- chapter.

All the changes were rather apparent to me, so I commend you. It's obvious you've hard on it and it's pratically perfect.

Can't wait to read the next!
Tanya

I'm waiting for my real mom to watch. =) So I guess I'll be giving you another review. =)) The format will be like the in the previous one. =))

I truthfully felt bad for leaving Luke home with Mom and her Doctor.

You don't capitalize that. =)

Bringing up his parents and the orphanage like it was no big deal, was wrong of me.

No comma. It's a gerund.

You're still doing this a lot. O_o

“Chill, Liliah, Chill. I was only joking,” he smirked.

“Chill, Liliah, Chill. I was only joking.” He smirked.

See?

“Liliah,” Hunter rubbed his hands up and down my arms and I suddenly felt uncomfortable with the touch.

That's suppose to be a period. O_o

“He’s the reason you’re like this. Stop worrying about him, he can take care of himself and he doesn’t need you,” he paused, sighing, “just a while longer. If you don’t like it, I’ll take you home.”

"He paused, sighing" is not a dialogue tag.

This is the right way:

Giving in, I nodded. “Alright.”

Typos, Dad? =)

Never has anything more than friendship crossed my mind for us.

What? O_o

Was it really Luke? O_o if it was, then I find the dragging unnecessary. The action of the punching was kind of weird. I mean, I think it lacked action? LOL

Never mind that. Ahh...Liliah's so stupid. Sorry. Hahahaha! AFter getting glances from the man in the bus, she still dressed that way. Won't she ever learn? Hahahahaah!!! I'm off to the next one. =)