Killer Mask [0.11]

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Points 1040
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I’m sitting in Miss Keats room, in a plush leather chair. This room seems out of place in a mental hospital – the walls are sky-blue, tall oak shelves filled with medical journals reach to the ceiling, and bright light filters through the windows. The room is more appropriate to be a stand-alone guidance office, not a psychologist’s office that’s stuck in a mental house.

“Isabelle? Would you like to start?” Miss Keats leans forward, questions bounce in her eyes.

“No thanks. You can start.” I mutter. Mentally, I lock my heart with an iron key.

“How do you feel about your situation, Isabelle?”

Pissed off. Annoyed. Upset. “I don’t really know.”

“No opinion whatsoever?” She pries.

“Nope.” I’d like to fucking rip your throat out.

“Well then, Isabelle… The only questions I had for you involved your particular… situation, so I think we’re finished for the day.” Miss Keats realizes.

“Okay. Bye.” I stumble over the chair and high-tail out of the office.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back in my room, my mind whirls. I just lied through therapy. How am I supposed to get better if I don’t give anyone the magic key?

Mona appears at my door. She presses her finger to her lips as she tiptoes past the threshold.

“I’m not allowed out of my room unless it’s for therapy, so… be quiet.” She whispers.

I glide my finger over my lips and twist it before flicking my wrist. “No worries.”

“Thanks. I needed to get out of the cell. It’s driving me insane!” She exclaims.

My room isn’t that terrifying yet – than again, I’ve only been in it for a little under two weeks, so it could get worse.

“I came here to have a chat with you. But I didn’t want any of the hawk-eyed nurses to overhear it.” Mona explains.

“Okay. Talk.”

“I just wanted to discuss why I’m here… just to – you know – get it out to someone who might understand. Well, I totally get it if you don’t… but just to put it out in the open.” She babbles.

“I’ll try not to judge.” I say.

“Thank you…” She moves towards me and sits next to me. The bed buckles under our weight.

I stiffen as she grabs my hand. It’s bony and cold. She leans forward and kisses me.

I inhale sharply as she pulls away.

“Sorry…” She apologizes. “I just… I don’t know… thought maybe… anyway, I was sent here because my parents thought it’d cure me. I’m a lesbian. My parents don’t really accept me so they sent me away.”

She thought that I was too. Wow.

“Again – I’m sorry. Are you just a bulimic or is it something else?” She asks.

“Nope. I just have an eating disorder.” I mutter.

“I’ve got to…” She springs from my bed, her face burning scarlet. She swiftly walks out of my room without so much as a “goodbye”.




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Hallo there. :} I'm Aushy, nice to meet you. Yes, I am reviewing something that I haven't read the beginning of... I'm doing this a lot lately, I really need to stop.

Anyway.

Grammar
You've made one mistake consistently that I see made very often. When someone's speaking, and at the end of their sentence would be a period, you put a comma instead of a period, because it's in quotation marks.

I know. The English language.

Here's an example (using Anna, she, and I):
"Let's go to the park," said Anna.
"Let's go to the park," I said.
"Let's go to the park," she said.

And there we go. Fix those few mistakes and perfect grammar. ^^


Now, on to the actual story itself.
For someone who hasn't read the other parts of this, I actually enjoyed it. I wasn't sure of what's going on, obviously because I haven't read the other parts, but I picked up on it really quickly. It was easy to see how you felt. Which is really good.

Okay. Good job. I enjoyed this. ^^

If you ever need a review again, post to my wall, PM me, or go to my tropical shack by clicking 'Reviews' at the bottom of this signature. You'll already be featured there from this review. :}

Mkay. Keep writing, and I hope to see you later!

Love & Blessings,
Aushy

*clicks like, follow, and submit*
formerly ZlyWilk

Finally achieving my dreams. Dive into a unique horror story.




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Points 2936
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G'day.
This was a pretty interesting story.

GoldenQuill has already mentioned it, but I'll just reiterate the point.
When a character speaks, end the dialogue with a comma.
So..

“No thanks. You can start.” I mutter.

will become: "No thanks. You can start," I mutter.

I haven't read the other parts of the story, but this didn't leave me confused or anything. :)

I'm glad that you put a rating for this piece. At least the younger ones won't stumble upon this piece without prior 'warning'.
The piece was well done. Keep writing!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
- Homer Simpson



i like that the title of dr jekyll and mr hyde makes a clear stance that the embodiment of one’s own evil doesn’t get a claim to the doctorate
— waywardxwallflower