Young Writers Society

Act 2: The Battle with Perseus

“Lord Zeus, I don’t know if I can do what you ask.”
Athena, the goddess of wisdom, and Zeus, the lord of the skies, were walking in a hallway of the council room on Olympus. A session with the other gods had just adjourned; they had been discussing the situation in Argos, which Zeus’s son, Perseus, was trying to resolve.
“He will not be able to succeed without our help. He needs Medusa’s head.”
Athena froze. “At her state, death is a gift to her. She needs to live with what she’s done.”
“And she’s had long enough to do so,” Zeus’s voice was pleading now. “Please, Athena—for the good of my son. He loves the girl Andromeda. It would be a pain for him for everything that he wants to disappear.”
Athena sighed and looked into Zeus’s eyes. They were desperate. “Even If were to do so,” she said, “What if your son fails?”
“He will not fail.”
“How are you so certain?”
“We’ve given him our gifts. He’s very strong,” Zeus said plainly.
“Those who have entered have lasted only seconds in Medusa’s lair,” said Athena stubbornly. They had reached the end of the hallway now, so they sat down on a bench and continued talking.
“Athena,” Zeus said impatiently. “It is a small thing to ask of you. She may have committed wrongs in your temple, but now we need her for the good of everyone, not just your grudge.”
Athena looked downward, her mind drifting away to when she caught Medusa and Poseidon in her temple. She had been very angry indeed, causing her to do what she had done. But how was Medusa fairing now? Maybe she had lived out her punishment long enough. Maybe she had realized the consequences of her actions. If Medusa’s head was used by Perseus, she could be a hero, redeem herself, in way.
“Alright,” said Athena. “I will give her mortality once again.”

Medusa was sitting on the chair in her corridor, fingering a note which she had received from Poseidon so very long ago. The paper was old, yellowing and frayed, but that only made the memory sweeter. It was the only physical remainder of her life before her curse.
Medusa spent a majority of her time sitting on that chair—absorbed in memories and thought. Her dreams each night were broken recollections of all she had left behind in Athens—they started off as sweet, joyous times from her life, but they all ended the same way. Again and again in Medusa’s mind, her lovely, corn-silk tresses would turn to snakes, and her skin would become creviced and dry. She would be banished to this temple and turn her former lover into stone.
She had completely lost the concept of time. She could see no light, do nothing within this temple—to her, days were classified by the amount of time between the various attacks from heroes who had come to slay her. They had all failed miserably—Medusa guessed that they hadn’t realized or fully come to terms with her power. She didn’t know exactly how many people she had turned to stone, but she knew that it was a lot—a lot of stupid young men.
The note she was looking at had been given to her by Poseidon when she had first arrived at the temple. She could just barely make out the words. She had even forgotten what the note was about. She just remembered that it had made her happy.
Medusa took the quiver of arrows off of her back and fingered each one delicately. Poseidon had made these due to his own affection for her. She missed him deeply. She missed being able to have to human contact that was beyond just killing people. It had been a mistake for her ever to become a priestess in Athena’s temple. She shouldn’t have taken for granted the interaction with men she was able to receive.
It was at that moment that Medusa thought she heard something. Could more travelers be coming? She dismissed it at first, but then the noises grew louder. Medusa slung her quiver back over her shoulder, grabbed her bow, and went to investigate.
When it became clear to her that there were people there—a group of three, to be exact—she stayed hidden behind a pillar and watched them. They looked utterly clueless, but it was clear that they had a leader—he stood taller, more gallantly then the others, and his armor, shield and weapon looked much stronger.
Medusa started to move forward, and her snakes hissed at the perfect time. One of the men, frozen with fear, looked straight forward into her eyes. He crumbled to stone and finally to nothing. The second man went down much more easily—he ran over to the area where his friend fell, and looked up at Medusa, locking eyes with her.
Two had gone down very easily. But there was still one to go, and that was the leader. He was running backward, closer to the exit. For a minute Medusa thought he was escaping, but soon tried to hide behind one of the pillars. Medusa still saw him, though. She took out one of her arrows and fired, but he dodged it easily. She fired another arrow, and the same thing happened. Medusa was beginning to get frustrated. There was something different about him, she realized. He was much smarter, much stronger than the others. After firing another arrow, Medusa realized why he was doing so well. He was carrying a shield which he could use to look at her reflection. If only she could get the shield out of his hands…
Medusa descended the stairs and loaded an arrow so it would be ready when she wanted to fire. She continuously jerked her head back and forth, side to side—just in case the leader came out and struck her by surprise.
Her footsteps seemed amplified by the quiet and spacious room. That was when Medusa saw something shiny slice through the air. She instinctively dodged to the side, and when something shined she jumped. The leader! She saw his face beneath a layer of shine. Medusa, frustrated, shot her arrow. It bounced off and fell limply to the side. Of course it had been his shield! How had Medusa not seen it before?
Her snakes sensed her frustration; they were tugging viciously at her skull and hissing madly. Medusa turned. If what she had seen was his reflection, he must have been close by. However, she did not see him. She loaded an arrow and began to tip-toe down the hall. Why was this boy different? How was he not dying? There was definitely something special about him. Could he be…Medusa shook her head. It was impossible. Athena had left her to rot for eternity. It wouldn’t make sense for her to send someone, just so they got killed. Her thoughts turning to the gods, she thought of Poseidon. How marvelous it would have been for him to be here. He wouldn’t care how she looked—the arrows had proved that. She leaned down, whispering into the arrow which she had loaded, “This one’s for you, dearest.”
It was at that moment that the leader, who was hiding behind a pillar, swung at his sword and sliced off Medusa’s head. At that moment, all of his tenseness had evaporated. He was breathing heavily, thinking to himself, I did it, I did it. Now he could turn the kraken to stone and finally marry Andromeda. He closed his eyes as his he fingered a loose snake. It was disgusting—there was cloth back at camp that he could put it in. Everyone had said it was impossible to kill Medusa. But he had achieved the impossible. He remembered the conversation earlier. Medusa was beautiful once, he had been told..He had put an end to her miserable existence.

... that was long... good description.

Phoenix lands for a review.


“

At her state, death is a gift to her. She needs to live with what she’s done.”

In seems like it would work better.

It would be a pain for him for everything that he wants to disappear.”

This statement confuses me.

They had reached the end of the hallway now, so they sat down on a bench and continued talking.

Seems like an unnecessarily long description of them sitting down. Make it simpler.

She had been very angry indeed, causing her to do what she had done.

Describe the anger and describe what she did. I read the previous Act but still this needs to be shown.

It was the only physical remainder of her life before her curse.

Remainder makes me think he's dead and she has a body part of him or his ashes in a jar. Reminder would work better.

but she knew that it was a lot—a lot of stupid young men.

Do not like this. It seems understated in its simplicity.

She missed him deeply. She missed being able to have to human contact that was beyond just killing people.

Two things, first human contact? Considering neither of them are human this is a bit odd. Second, when Medusa kills it's by a long ranged look or possibly her arrows. So at no point would she have ever touched someone while killing them.

shield and weapon looked much stronger.

I think you can come up with a better way of indicating that his weapons were superior to theirs.

The second man went down much more easily—he ran over to the area where his friend fell, and looked up at Medusa, locking eyes with her.

I'm not sure how that is more easy.

Two had gone down very easily.

The word easily again is way too close to the first.

But there was still to go, and that was the leader.

two

Medusa still saw him, though. She took out one of her arrows and fired, but he dodged it easily.

cut

There was something different about him, she realized. He was much smarter, much stronger than the others.

She realized hat before. Have her notice this once.

Her footsteps seemed amplified by the quiet and spacious room. That was when Medusa saw something shiny slice through the air. She instinctively dodged to the side, and when something shined she jumped. The leader! She saw his face beneath a layer of shine. Medusa, frustrated, shot her arrow.

Too many shine related words.

It was at that moment that the leader, who was hiding behind a pillar, swung at his sword and sliced off Medusa’s head. At that moment, all of his tenseness had evaporated. He was breathing heavily, thinking to himself, I did it, I did it. Now he could turn the kraken to stone and finally marry Andromeda.

Seems to a be an abrupt change.

I liked this adaption to Medusa's story. I must say I always liked the mythology behind Medusa and I think you took a interesting approach to it.

My only comment would be word choice. In a few cases I think you pick inappropriate words for the situation or you over use a word. I pointed out two cases but I also noticed a few others like frustrated.

Overall the story flowed very well and kept me reading as I wondered what would happen. Keep up the good work.

I hoped I helped

Phoenix flies away

Hey there! My blue star review! haha

So parts of this just felt like I was reading a summary about Greek mythology. It just sounded like facts being stated in yours story at random points, it wasn't all like that, but if you are going to tell a story, it must be told through the voice of someone. Even your narrator has a voice. You should put some emotion and opinions into the story of Medusa. You should answer this question before editing: who's side is your narrator on?

Is there not a story of Medusa? If so, is this the story just with your own descriptions? Anyways, I really liked it. I loved the description of the arrows. It added a personal touch to the story, which was great because there were a lot of impersonal points in this. So good job on that.

I feel like Medusa's character is awesome, and Athena's is alright. The only character I have a problem with is Zeus. Isn't he supposed to be one of the most powerful Gods? So why do you make him sound like such a wimp? I realize that you needed him to plead to Athena, and I love how you made her seem superior, but I don't think Zeus would be pleading. You make it seem like he's begging for her not to kill him or something. Ease up on the pleads a bit, and you should be good.

Oh and I noticed one redundant part in your story...

“And she’s had long enough to do so,” Zeus’s voice was pleading now. “Please, Athena—for the good of my son. He loves the girl Andromeda. It would be a pain for him for everything that he wants to disappear.”
Athena sighed and looked into Zeus’s eyes. They were desperate. “Even If were to do so,” she said, “What if your son fails?”

Pick one or the other. If you say pleading, we already know that he's desperate. Show, not tell, remember?

Good job on this! I really liked it. Is this the thing you submitted to the magazine?

Keep writing,

Classy

Hey, Elinor! So, for my review of this, all I really want to do is point out several major inaccuracies you have included.
What are your sources? Edith Hamilton? Because Edith Hamilton's mythology is dreadfully inaccurate. For a great relation of the Perseus story, I, as a uber Classicist nerd, would direct you to Ovids' Metamorphoses. For a mythology dictionary, try the Meridian Handbook of Classical Mythology.

Alright. So first:

“Please, Athena—for the good of my son. He loves the girl Andromeda. It would be a pain for him for everything that he wants to disappear.”

There are many inaccuracies here.
First of all, Zeus didn't really give a darn about Perseus. It was not he who helped Perseus. In fact, the gods that assisted Perseus were Hermes and Athena, who was extrememly eager to get rid of Medusa after the fun she had in Athena's temple.
Also, the reason Perseus went to kill Medusa was not at all because of Andromeda. When Perseus was born, his grandfather placed him in a chest and he and his mother Danae became washed up on an island where Polydectes was king (this is intense summarization; the whole story is uber-long). Polydectes would hit on Danae and wanted to marry her, but Perseus was like, "Uh-uh." So, Polydectes sent Perseus off on a mission he was sure would kill him: to slay Medusa.
Perseus, being your average hero who is more brawn than brains, accpets.
Fortunately, he is aided by Hermes and Athena, and some other minor deities.


That's the other thing- one of the tools Perseus uses is Hades' cap of invisibility, so Medusa should not have been able to see him.

So, after slaying Medusa, Perseus is flying through Ethiopia via Hermes' shoes when he spots Andromeda. That's when the Andromeda mess happens.

Also: Poseidon is not the good boyfriend type you portray him as. He never went back to Medusa after Athena cursed her.

I know you're interested in Greek mythology, but I have a feeling you're reading D'Aulaire's Greek Myths and Edith Hamilton. This is terribly, terribly inaccurate.

I don't want to be mean... but yeah.

My sources:
The Metamorphoses (Ovid)
The Meridian Dictionary
The Oxford Classical Dictionary
Apollodorus of Rhodes

very interesting story

You like Greek Mythology, huh? Awesome. I'm not going to comment on the factual sources of the myths, because, unlike our resident Greek Myth Historian Antigone, I have no idea what's correct and what isn't! I'm just here for the writing aspect.

Athena, the goddess of wisdom, and Zeus, the lord of the skies, were walking in a hallway of the council room on Olympus.

Do rooms really have hallways? When you think about it, no. A wing of a building has a hallway, but as this is the word choice is just a little off.

She could see no light, do nothing within this temple—to her, days were classified by the amount of time between the various attacks from heroes who had come to slay her. They had all failed miserably—Medusa guessed that they hadn’t realized or fully come to terms with her power. She didn’t know exactly how many people she had turned to stone, but she knew that it was a lot—a lot of stupid young men.

Not to go all psychiatrist on you, but how does she feel about this? The way you've presented Medusa seems to be more a unfortunate girl who made a costly mistake, not an evil monster. I'd like to see some reaction to this paragraph from her. Does she mind turning the stupid young men to stone? If she has nothing to do in the temple, I'd imagine that any excitement-- even someone coming to slay her --might be welcome.

She instinctively dodged to the side, and when something shined she jumped. The leader! She saw his face beneath a layer of shine.

First, "shine" is used twice in quick succession, which sounds redundant. Second, the meaning of "shine" is a bit vague. Is it the glare of the light hitting the shield, sweat on his face, or both?

It was at that moment that the leader, who was hiding behind a pillar, swung at his sword and sliced off Medusa’s head. At that moment, all of his tenseness had evaporated. He was breathing heavily, thinking to himself, I did it, I did it.

Throughout this whole section you're telling everything through Medusa's perspective, but here her voice fades away as she's killed. The transition between perspectives (the leader and Medusa) is kind of murky. I'd do something more like having Medusa narrate the last thing she sees or hears-- the sword slicing downwards hissing through the air. And then after you give her POV a bit more closure, more of a definite ending, you can break off into the young man's perspective and start afresh.

This is better! My first main suggestion for you is to really consider word choice. Think of words like money-- they're valuable, and you don't want to waste any. The words you're using are fine, and they get the point across, but they're not terribly interesting. Your prose is solid and clean; now, see if you can give it some spice, some...er...pazzazz! If that's even a word. Description especially, which goes hand in hand with imagery. I can't imagine this scene too well. Medusa has been confined here for quite a while, so I know that it's just background to her, but readers haven't been here yet and we need a mental picture to set the stage for the fight scene.

My next suggestion is to avoid long scenes without dialogue. It's really hard to avoid, I know, but readers tend to skim when there are long paragraphs without a conversation to break them up. You might even want to throw some fight-dialogue in here. Maybe the slayer is baiting Medusa, or just trying to get her to give herself up. Maybe Medusa wants to know why he's here. It'll give some valuable character insight and fix the problem of looming paragraphs.

EDIT: Oh, and Classy is right about Zeus! He's supposed to be macho and godly-- he does seem rather wimpy here.

Best of luck! PM me for anything, of course.

~Evi