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The Greatest Matchmaking Challenge Ever: Ch.6



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Sat Apr 24, 2010 2:18 am
Esther Sylvester says...



AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the sixth chapter of my romance novel. It's a little long and possibly very rough, but I would greatly appreciate your time and reviews. For those that have already reviewed, I am so grateful! Please enjoy!

CHAPTER SIX:


Alex strode through the castle halls with alarming suave for one who had just fallen off a building a few moments earlier. His back ached horribly, but other than that he was alive and breathing. The only thing that had him truly upset was that he had been tricked so easily by his long time friend. His expression was set in an angry grimace as he walked briskly through the busy halls, which were packed with servants preparing for the feast. Feet scuttled over the elaborately decorated tile and nearly scraped against age old tapestries as they went back and forth in preparation for the dinner. Alex had not quite remembered such effort put into making a feast this grand in a long time, and he wasn’t quite sure why people were putting so much effort into it.

Could it really be for the arrival of Anita and her brother? Alex pondered. It was possible, he supposed, but it was unusual for such a large feast to be held for a single princess and her brother.

He paused at the fork in the hall and considered which direction to go. He was pretty sure that the dining hall was to the left, but then the right wasn’t out of the question either. He had lived there all his life, yet the twisting lay out of the castle always got him befuddled. He rubbed his chin and looked around to ask a servant which way to go. The thought embarrassed him, but it was better than wandering around the castle for an hour.

“If you are looking for the dining hall, it is to your left, Prince Alex,” a deep voice said from behind him.

Alex turned around and saw a tall young man with deep blue eyes staring at him, his eyebrow arched in interest. Alex took him for Anita’s brother Robert, the man that had indirectly threatened him a few hours earlier. Robert had the same eyes as Anita, but they did not hold any humor, and he lacked the dark brown hair. Instead he had light blond hair which was smartly cut into an appeal able fashion. He stood tall, with broad shoulders and a muscular physique. In other words, he was the exact opposite of Alex, who had unruly dark brown hair, lean but toned body, and twinkling green eyes that lit up whenever he saw something interesting. Alex felt a little intimidated standing in front of Robert, who now was looking down on him. It was then that Alex realized that he must be at least three inches shorter than Anita’s intimidating brother.

“Ah, good evening Prince Robert. I was just enjoying the view,” Alex said.

“Yes, I suppose stone hallways are very pleasing to look at,” Robert answered coolly. He smiled and motioned down the hall. “If you would accompany me to the dining hall?”

Alex nodded, suddenly wishing he had to somewhere else to go. They began walking down the hall, or rather, Alex was walking. Robert was gliding elegantly, attracting the attention of the occasional servant girl on his way.

“I suppose we got off to a bad start today. Anita said that you apologized so I guess that makes me content enough,” Robert said.

“I am glad that you have forgiven me. I do not believe I would want to be on your bad side, Robert.” Alex answered.

Robert chuckled grimly.

“No, I think not.”

They walked by in silence for a moment, before Alex decided to break it.

“So Anita mentioned me?”

“Yes and many other things. I hear you made her climb down a building.”

Alex laughed and rubbed his head.

“I could have left her, but she was so distraught that I thought not to. Besides, I am not one to leave a girl in distress, no matter where my interests lie.”

“I wouldn’t think so. You don’t seem like the cowardly type.”

“And how would you know that?”

“I know a lot more about you than you think.”

Alex stood still for a moment, stunned by the comment. What on earth was that supposed to mean? Alex jogged up to Robert and pulled him around.

“You can’t seriously know more about me after a day’s meeting, Robert. That’s illogical.”

“I don’t believe I would need more than an hour to know a lot about you, Alex. However, I did study your family to get a better idea of what my sister was getting into,” Robert said.

Alex ignored the slight and questioned further.

“And your first impression of me was?”

“Not impressed, if you pardon my saying. Your behavior-or rather your entire family’s-leaves somewhat do be desired.”

Alex’s mouth drew into a thin line and he shot a glare at Robert. Alex was aware that he had not been polite, but for Robert to insult his entire family was not going to go unnoticed.

“If you want the good opinion of my father, you better hold your tongue.” Alex hissed.

Robert chuckled darkly and a slight grin spread across his face. Alex had absolutely no idea what the man was thinking, and the thought alarmed him.

“I assure you my words were meant for your ears only, and you would be wise to keep it that way. There is one extra thing I would like to say, however…” Robert slowly leaned towards Alex and finally whispered harshly in his ear,

“If you ever hurt my sister again, there will be heck to pay.”

Robert pulled away from him and left. Alex had a chilling feeling that Robert's words had more than just a threat behind them. Alex looked behind himself to see if anyone had listened to the short debacle. Their quiet feud had seemed not to attract any attention from any possible on lookers. Alex let out a sigh of relief, knowing that rumors of an uprising of Corin against Maritha were particularly increasing. Any fight between the two rivals could have been taken too seriously for Alex’s taste. Alex waited until Robert was long out of sight, then proceeded to go to the feast on his own.

{~(())((*))(())~}

Alex realized at the point when he entered the dining room that he was going to have a very, very long night.

The whole place was packed. Even nobles from close domains had come to the gathering. The colors of Maritha hung down from the ceiling in the form of vibrant flags. The long table that stretched in the middle of the room was already covered in plates and glasses of incredible finery. Even some tables were set aside for some of the more privileged servants of the castle, as was the kingdom’s custom. Everyone was chipper and talkative, with excitement buzzing through the air.

Alex closed his eyes and prayed that he would become invisible. The way the nobles spoke, and even the things that they spoke of, bored him to tears. Hoping he would go unnoticed, he made his way to the far end of the table, where his father was sitting.

“Oh goodness gracious! How my young little prince has grown!” a shrill voice said from behind him. Alex groaned and turned around to reveal the person that had noticed him.

“Madame Yolen! It is a pleasure to see that you are doing well,” Alex said in the most chipper tone he could manage.

“Oh yes! Yes, yes, yes! It is always a pleasure to see how my favorite boy is doing! But I shouldn’t say that should I? You’re practically a man now! Just look at those muscles!” Madame Yolen answered, waving her expensive fan dramatically as she spoke. Alex had never liked the look of her much: she was too artificial to his tastes with her thinly plucked eyebrows and her heavily powdered cheeks which only accented her enormous beak for a nose. Madame Yolen was a noble widow that had been a friend of Alex’s mother before she passed away, and she still thought it her responsibility to make sure that Alex was doing his princely duties effectively. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him.

“Yes, you are very handsome indeed! But I hear that you are having some-” she looked left and right and then whispered, “-girl trouble.”

Alex had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. He braced himself for another one of her lectures. Madame Yolen took a deep breath.

“I know that it is hard to find a good girl to settle down with, but you really must know that even though there are plenty of fish in the pond, you will run out of bait eventually,” Madame Yolen paused and smiled at her horrible metaphor before she continued, “You are going to run out of that devilish charm of yours, and then what? You’ll be wifeless, that’s what! Now I hear from my fellow citizens that Princess Anita is a good catch. I think you should go with her. I know if I were in your shoes I would do the same. You should just forget your little bump in the past and-“Her rant was interrupted by a firm hand on her shoulder. And to Alex’s fury, that hand was Jean’s.

“Miss Elizabeth, a pleasure to have your beauty grace the halls of Maritha castle again,” Jean said.

Madame Yolen blushed, which was difficult to tell behind all the makeup. Alex scowled. The frustration that he had kept inside bubbling up again. Ignoring the nobles around him, he shouted, “Jean Halbet, I trusted you! I can’t believe you actually locked me in-“

“Your study? Well, I can’t help it that you don’t like to learn, Prince Alex. If you would so excuse me, Madame,” Jean interrupted. He grabbed Alex sharply by the elbow and pulled him to an unoccupied corner where they wouldn’t be noticed. Once behind a desolate corner, Alex assumed his chastising again. He grabbed Jean by the collar and hissed,

“I can’t believe you did that, Jean! Because of you I had to climb down a building! If that doesn’t make you regret it I had to do it with a princess latched onto my back, who by the way made it very hard to climb because she smelled like wild flowers and honey! Do you know how distracting the smell of wild flowers to me is? Do you know how
difficult it is to not be attracted to a girl who smells like that? ”

Jean started chuckling and Alex shook him furiously.

“What’s so funny?” Alex demanded.

“It’s just that you seem to have enjoyed the whole fiasco,” Jean answered.

Alex blinked and stepped away from Jean, considering the fact.

“Well, I cannot say that it wasn’t…interesting. But how dare you go to such lengths as to actually lock me in a room with her? It goes against propriety.”

“Something you would be familiar with, I am sure.” Jean chuckled.

“Why did you do it?”

“Because I am your friend, of course. Aren’t friends supposed to make their friends happy?”

“I am perfectly happy the way I am now. And that way would be single.”

Jean paused and pursed his lips in thought.

“Don’t you think it is about time you considered loving again, Alex? I can’t stand seeing you like this,” Jean said.

Alex folded his arms.

“What are you seeing, then, Jean?”

“What I see Alex, is a ghost of what you could be. I see you smile, but it’s always false. I see you laugh, but it’s always forced. I want to see my friend happy again, and I know that moving on is the best way to do it.”

Alex gulped and turned away, his eyes distant. He leaned his head against the wall and took in a deep, shuddery breath. He chuckled, but there was no light in it. Memories of the past flashed in broken pieces across his mind, reminding him of things he thought he had suppressed. Pain swept through him viciously and he felt tears spark in his eyes. The room began spinning and he shut his eyes tightly. Jean stood next to his prince and put a firm hand on his shoulder. Alex, feeling the strong hand of his advisor, murmured,
“I just don’t want to betray her.”

Jean instinctively realized that Alex was not referring to Anita. Jean pulled Alex to him and hugged him tightly. After a moment of comfort, Jean said quietly,
“You aren’t betraying her. You know that. Now regain your composure. We don’t want you walking to dinner like this.”

“Nmmf…”

“Good boy.”

Alex stepped away from Jean sniffled. He straightened his collar and smiled weakly.

“How do I look?”

Jean leaned forward and patted down Alex’s unruly hair, only to withdraw with a sigh.

“It’s hard to believe your hair actually stands like that. Do you put products in it or something?”

“Jean! Way to ruin a man’s confidence with a comment like that!” Alex scoffed. He strode out into the open, where nobles greeted him warmly.

Jean smiled to himself.

“Not a man yet, Alex.”



After walking through hoards of nobles trying to gain favor with the royal family, Alex found his seat next to his father. He looked around for Anita, and saw her sitting across from him, one seat to his left. She was looking at him. Alex grinned and waved slightly at her. She blushed a little and turned her head away. Alex frowned, thinking that she must be angry at him for something. He was trying to figure out why when he heard his father finally boom,

“Greetings, nobles and friends alike! I appreciate your taking your time to come here, with times being so hard. I stand here today hoping that you will feast and enjoy yourselves, and perhaps forget pressing matters for a while. Just looking at that turkey makes me want to forget everything!”

The whole table erupted in uncomfortable laughter. Alex was not quite sure why his father was so serious about times being hard. He was aware that a hostile kingdom was near Maritha’s borders, but could that really be the reason why his father was so tense?

“Now, what am I waiting for? Lets eat!” the king shouted.

Men carrying silver platters arrived gracefully into the room, holding delicious foods of all sorts. A man set a dish in front of Alex, and Alex regarded it absently. He was too busy looking at Anita, who had her hair up in a fancy bun, but wisps of hair still fell around her face. Alex had to admit that she was quite lovely, even though he had vowed to hate her. But he had to admit talking to her and listening to Jean made him consider things more seriously. Perhaps…

“Your highness, everything looks fantastic,” Robert said to King Alexander. Alex realized that Robert was directly across from himself.

The king nodded.

“Thank you, sir Robert. I would have introduced you, but I was afraid that you wouldn’t be staying long anyway, after the incident this morning.”

Robert nodded morosely and said, “Yes, it is likely that-“

“Oh, I am not going anywhere!” Anita said.

Alexander raised his eyebrow.

“Really? It is hard to believe that you would stay after Alex’s harsh behavior.” he glared sharply at his son, and Alex shifted uncomfortably.

Anita clapped her hands together and said excitedly, “Well, I must say I was offended at first, but it is all right now. Your son and I have made up.”

“Really?” Alexander said, taking from Anita’s excitement.

“Yes, really! If that is all right with your majesty I would like to stay a while longer.”

“It’s all up to Alex. What do you think, my son?”

Alex looked up and leaned back in his chair, poking his salad with his fork. He was really quite excited that she was staying, but he couldn’t explain why. So he just said as nonchalantly as he could, “Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt if she stayed for a week or so. It’s not important or anything.”

His father regarded him with a wide eyed expression. Then after a pause his thrust his fork animatedly in the air and grinned brightly.

“Brilliant! I shall make plans immediately! Anita, have you seen the garden yet?”

“A little,” Anita responded coyly. She smiled and winked at Alex. Her smile sent a little tingle of excitement down his spine and he dove his fork in his food to let some of the energy she awoke in him pass. He stuffed the salad in his mouth and swallowed.

But the food wouldn’t go down all the way.

Alex tried to swallow again more carefully, but it didn’t work. The food wasn’t going down. Alex was then aware that he couldn’t breathe. He tried to hack the food back up, but his throat closed and his mouth went raw instead. He gasped for air, but none came. King Alexander was still paying all of his attention to Anita.

“And have you ever gone horseback riding, Anita? I assure you that our mares are the best in the land. Wouldn’t you agree, Alex?” Alexander turned his head and saw his son choking. “Alex! Alex! Are you okay? Jean! Come here!”

Alex tried to respond, but no words escaped his lips. He pointed to his throat and back to his plate.

“Good lord! He’s choking!” Anita exclaimed. She watched in horror as Jean ran over and looked at Alex’s plate. She watched as Jean picked up a small mushroom from the plate and looked upon it in shock.

“These are Lograsian mushrooms! Alex is allergic! Who did this?” Jean shouted.

“Somebody, get some help!” Robert shouted.

Anita realized that there was no time. She couldn’t just stand there and watch the boy she had grown so interested in choke to death. She hiked up her skirts and started climbing over the table.

“Sister! What are you doing?” Robert squealed as he watched his sister immodestly crawl over the table.

Anita reached the other side and pulled Alex out of his chair. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him, directly under his rib cage. Alex would have been shocked at such immodest behavior, but he was too dazed to really care. The world around him started fading and he began to slump against her.

“Not dying today, Alex!” Anita shouted. She pulled up against him as hard as she could.

“ANITA!” Robert screamed,” What are you doing?”

Not paying attention, Anita heaved again, this time with result. The offending mushroom flew up and out of Alex’s throat and plopped right on the table. Alex’s body slumped, and he drooped to the ground, bringing Anita with him. King Alexander rushed over to his son and dropped by his side. He pressed his head against his son’s chest.

“Thank the Lord,” King Alexander said, “a heart beat!” he crossed himself with his right hand and looked at Anita with amazement.

“Dear girl, when did you learn how to do that?”

“I learned it from a book I read. I can’t believe I actually got to put it in practice.” Anita answered.

By that time Robert had got over to the other side, Alex had started breathing regularly. A large crowd had now gathered around

“Thank goodness it wasn’t a serious reaction,” Jean said. He wiped a stray tear from his eye.

Alex groaned. Anita knelt next to him and said,

“Alex, are you all right?”

Alex heard her distant voice through the shrouds of disorientation, but being incredibly hoarse he only could say,

“Gleh!”

And then he passed out.
Last edited by Esther Sylvester on Sat Apr 24, 2010 10:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Sat Apr 24, 2010 4:45 pm
Kaedee says...



KD here to review chapter six! I'll start straight off with the nitpicks.

Nitpicks:

Esther Sylvester wrote:His back ached horribly, but other than that he was alive and breathing.
I think that the 'alive and breathing' part doesn't really work here.

Esther Sylvester wrote:It surely was possible, although this much effort for a princess who Alex was going to scare off anyway had never been done before.
The second half of this sentence is a bit confusing.

Esther Sylvester wrote:He was pretty sure that it was to the left, but then the right wasn’t out of the question either.
What is 'it'? Specify.

Esther Sylvester wrote:Your behavior-or rather your entire family’s-leaves somewhat do be desired.”
I don't understand this. 'Do be desired'?

Esther Sylvester wrote:“Oh goodness gracious! How my young little prince has grown!” a shrill voice said from behind him. Alex groaned and turned around to reveal the person that had noticed him.

“Madame Yolen! It is a pleasure to see that you are doing well,” Alex said in the most chipper tone he could manage.

“Oh yes! Yes, yes, yes! It is always a pleasure to see how my favorite boy is doing! But I shouldn’t say that should I? You’re practically a man now! Just look at those muscles!” Madame Yolen answered, waving her expensive fan dramatically as she spoke. Alex had never liked the look of her much: she was too artificial to his tastes with her thinly plucked eyebrows and her heavily powdered cheeks which only accented her enormous beak for a nose. Madame Yolen was a noble widow that had been a friend of Alex’s mother before she passed away, and she still thought it her responsibility to make sure that Alex was doing his princely duties effectively. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him.

“Yes, you are very handsome indeed! But I hear that you are having some-” she looked left and right and then whispered, “-girl trouble.”
Haha, I like this description of Madame Yolen.

Esther Sylvester wrote:“Sister! What are you doing?” Robert squealed as he watched his sister immodestly crawl over the table.
Do you mean 'under' the table?

You did a great job with the narration for the choking part! I actually laughed while I was reading it, which I hardly ever do. :lol:

This is still going very well. Please finish it! Hope I helped. Keep up the good work-

KD
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Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:51 pm
Sins says...



Hey Esther! :)

Here to review... obviously :lol:

Could it really be for the arrival of Anita and her brother? Alex pondered; It surely was possible. Although this much effort for a princess who Alex was going to scare off anyway had never been done before.


“If you are looking for the dining hall, it is to your left, Prince Alex,” a deep voice said from behind him.

In other words, he was the exact opposite of Alex, who had unruly dark brown hair, lean but toned body, and twinkling green eyes that lit up whenever he saw something interesting.


The words that he had said were a promise, not a threat, that Alex was certain.

This sounds a bit awkward. Try rephrasing it?

she was too artificial to his tastes with her thinly plucked eyebrows and her heavily powdered cheeks which only accented her enormous beak for a nose.

I liked this description!

Memories of the past flashed in broken pieces across his mind, reminding him of things he thought he had suppressed. Pain swept through him viciously and he felt tears spark in his eyes.

I liked this description too! :)

Alex grinned and waved slightly at her. She blushed slightly

The repetition of the word slightly kind of bugs me here. Try using a different word!

She hiked up her skirts and started climbing over the table.

This made me chuckle :lol:


Overall

I'm still really liking this! Your chapters are getting better and better. There's bits of humour in this, but it's not annoyingly humorous, which is a good thing! I especially like the chocking part; that was funny.

As for your characters, I really like them! They're pretty original and are fun to read about. They are believable as well, which can be rather hard when writing this kind of story. I myself struggle with the whole believable characters thing! I like Jean, he reminds me of my next door neighbour! :lol: Just less annoying. Plus, I'm suspicious of that Robert guy... ¬_¬

I really like the idea behind this and I also like the plot. It's original and you write it very well. Although, I would like to see it progressing a bit more! This might just be me being a bit picky though! :wink:

I haven't really got much else to say! I was definitely glad I read this and make sure you post in my WRFF thread when the next part is up! I'll be looking forward to it.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
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Sat Apr 24, 2010 10:14 pm
Esther Sylvester says...



Thank you so much guys! I have gone through and edited the work so far. It looks a lot better now, thank you.
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Sun Apr 25, 2010 2:38 am
Zibbie says...



Pretty much all the nitpicks have been covered. I still really like this story! Its got alot of diffrent twists and im curious about why Alex keeps telling the princesses off! Please post more and more
Zib
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Fri May 28, 2010 11:11 pm
austenite says...



Excellent still!! I'm really getting into this, hopefully you'll post more soon!! I'm curious as to Alex's past and who this other girl was. I like how you are keeping us guessing at it!! I wonder who tried to poison Alex as well!! Is there an antagonist we are yet to know about??

Also...who is Anita's secret?!?!?!

Post more soon please!! :D
I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity.
Chaucer, A Knight's Tale

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
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Sat Jun 12, 2010 1:44 am
squirrely says...



Well first off, sorry that it took me this long to get around to reading this. I was having trouble understanding this sentence:
“If you want the good opinion of my father, you better hold your tongue.” Alex hissed.

Is Alex threatening Robert, or is he suggesting that Robert listen more? I'm getting a feeling that Robert has an alternate agenda then seeing Alex and Anita married. There also seems to be a bit of foreshadowing of both Alex's past (Who is this girl that he speaks of? :smt017: ) and the future of the kingdom. However the foreshadowing was very soft and might be missed. And it would be very funny if a bit cliche to have the mushroom fly into Roberts face or very fancy clothing, he is right across from Alex... :D
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Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:34 pm
Daisuki says...



Okay, so I was going to try not to review until the end because I was reviewing every chapter and I thought that might get annoying. I'm sorry I'm not great with reviews - I have trouble pointing out the things people did wrong. In this one, I think most of the little grammar things have already been addressed by others, so I'll just say what I liked:
EVERYTHING!
I love, love, love the way Anita had to save Alex and I laughed when he said, "Gleh!"
Also, the talk between Alex and Jean was very realistic and heart-warming.
On to the next chapter!
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