Letters to My Grandma

It's sketchy but I really hope you like it.


Nena,
I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. To be honest, I really couldn't get myself to write. I miss you and I don't want to believe you're gone.

I closed school today and no, I am not going to tell you my grades. Well, not until I get enough courage to tell you, anyway. School is very school like: teachers, books, exams, punishments are still there and it doesn't seem like they'll be leaving any time soon!

Something interesting and embarrassing happened today. I was glad to be back from boarding school and I had really missed my room. So I stormed into it and to my surprise, I find a naked teenage boy in there. I froze. Actually we both froze and I couldn't help myself from looking there. Even when my mind kept screaming at me to look elsewhere and to leave the room, I couldn't. It's a good thing he came back to his senses and wrapped a towel around himself.

That's when I looked up and started stammering my apologies. Nena, I was so embarrassed and I couldn't help realising that he is tall ,handsome, dark and has a nice body. What was more embarrassing was that I wasn't leaving the room and there was this awkward silence. Why couldn't I leave the room like a normal person?

He finally broke the ice by saying that he needed to change. That's when my legs decided to listen to me(or was it him?) and stagger out of the room. I felt like taking a gun and shooting myself.

I staggered out of there with two questions in my mind: who was that boy in my room and why do people make such a fuss about having sex if it's going to hurt?

I love you and miss you,
Nanana.

Hi Nyiiri!

Well, I always wondered what style of writing goes into General Fiction - and clearly, it's just about everything. Okay, I'll review this in reverse to how I usually do - the little things first, and then the bigger picture.

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. To be honest, I really couldn't get myself to write. I miss you and I don't want to believe you're gone.

I closed school today and no, I am not going to tell you my grades. Well, not until I get enough courage to tell you, anyway. School is very school like: teachers, books, exams, punishments are still there and it doesn't seem like they'll be leaving any time soon!

This was a sweet beginning. The second line was interesting - but I skipped over it the first time I read it, nevertheless - however, it still counted towards the 'curiosity-tally.' The second para was - well, it begun talking about grades and that Nanana (I've nver heard that name before, by the way) wasn't going to tell her Nena (no surprises there), but then became a little predictable when you said: 'school is very school-like.' That line had little impact, and although the tone is sweet and conversational throughout, and that we expect to see 'small-talk' in the letter, it still pays to have more interesting things than the usual in the letter.

Something interesting and embarrassing happened today. I was glad to be back from boarding school and I had really missed my room. So I stormed into it and to my surprise, I find a naked teenage boy in there. I froze. Actually we both froze and I couldn't help myself from looking there. Even when my mind kept screaming at me to look elsewhere and to leave the room, I couldn't. It's a good thing he came back to his senses and wrapped a towel around himself.

Right, first of all, I cracked up big-time when I read this. It. Was. FUNNY. You began it in the customary way that I would expect in the letter, with a vague opening line that only barely hinted at what was to come. And then, we dived straight into some description!

Okay, so while I found that immensely entertaining, I do not think it is realistic. The event comes across as wholy realistic, yes, but the fact that she is telling her granny about something so unbelievable embarrassing was really questionable. I wonder at what kind of relationship the girl has with her grandma, to be able to tell her such a thing. This is something I would expect a girl to share only with her one or two most intimate friends, behind cupped hands, in whispers and giggles.

That's when I looked up and started stammering my apologies. Nena, I was so embarrassed and I couldn't help realising that he is tall ,handsome, dark and has a nice body. What was more embarrassing was that I wasn't leaving the room and there was this awkward silence. Why couldn't I leave the room like a normal person?

You don't need to say: 'I was so embarrassed.' We KNOW that - who wouldn't be? Plus, you've already used the word 'embarrassing' in the first line of the previous paragraph. And the 'tall, dark, handsome' part - we've heard it all before. Many, many times. So...think about having a more interesting character, than the customary teenage Romeo or Prince Charming. It'll make the character less two-dimensional, and more believable. What the heck was he doing naked without the lock on the door, anyway??? It's little questions like these that the readers will wonder about, and if you do not address them somewhere in the story, it will come off as weakly planned. Also, the 'why couldn't I leave the room like a normal person?' part is more or less unneeded. That's a question we, as the audience, should have the chance to ask - and answer. We kind of already KNOW the answer - because she was too damn embarrassed and absolutely shocked and stunned; that's why she couldn't leave.

He finally broke the ice by saying that he needed to change. That's when my legs decided to listen to me(or was it him?) and stagger out of the room. I felt like taking a gun and shooting myself.

I was not a big fan of the way this was written, actually. Now, the whole story reads like a confession, as opposed to an entertaining recount. Try to incriminate the central character less, and instead make us feel sorry for her. 'I felt like taking a gun and shooting myself' wasn't the best line you could have used to convey that same emotion (although, I definitely think you've nailed the emotion perfectly ).

I staggered out of there with two questions in my mind: who was that boy in my room and why do people make such a fuss about having sex if it's going to hurt?

I did not particularly care for the way this was written, either. Now, it seems like she's using her gran as a springboard for questions about sex - downright bizarre. Like something you'd see in a magazine, like an advice column. And what has sex got to do with the whole incident, anyway? I mean, all that happens is that she walks in on a naked boy, stares, stammers, listens to him, stumbles back out. Nowhere do you mention that he - or she - was having or thinking about sex.

I love you and miss you,

I have already said that we need a plausible reason for why the girl would tell her gran about something like that. Which is why the customary 'I love you and I miss you' sounds really weird here - one moment she's a teenage girl thinking about naked boys and sex, and the next she's a loving granddaughter. That's quite a transition.

Overall, I found the letter very entertaining, if at times slightly unbelievable. I think you might like to have a play around with different forms of retelling the same story, to different people - maybe as a phone conversation between two best friends? That way, we'll see the back and forth chatter, and it'll be more realistic too.

Feel free to PM me if you have worked on this further, and would like a follow-up review, or if you have any more questions.