Silver Moon ~ Prologue (should I continue this story?)

OK, I had this book idea about a month ago, but I immediately shut the idea out cause i was convinced it was dumb. Well, now i can get second opinions! So please post if it is good and should be continued! Please!

Silver Moon ~ Prologue

Run, gotta keep running The cloaked figure peered through the black night, The moon providing faint light as she searching for an exit. Gotta get away, gotta escape then she looked at the wall. There! With a new hope surging up into her heart, she ran with all her might to the wall. The wall was big, but not big enough to keep her out. *Crash!* She turned around, her cloak swishing around her figure like a loose dress. Can't let them find me! She looked harder toward the crash and saw what she had feared. The guards. She turned back on her course and continued running. It was useless for stealth, now that the alarms started sounding and the search lights on. She pushed harder and eventually made it to the walls. She looked up, judging the height. But when she turned around, she found the guards had surrounded her. All the search lights pointed at her, She shielded her eyes.
"Surrender" Said the Head guard. The others started joining the chant: "Surrender, Surrender" over and over, like brainwashed drones. Part of that is true. That is why I must escape
"Surrender dear sister" Said a new voice, that silenced the others. A tall woman walked to the one in the cloak, as the army of guards parted like the Red Sea to Moses. "You know what you must do. SO be a good little girl and return to your bed chambers. Now" Said the woman, her deep ruby red eyes full of rage, but her voice not letting any of it out.
"Rudessa, now, you know I can not do to that." Said the figure in the cloak, Not letting on how fearful she truly felt.
"Pity," Said the one called Rudessa, "Men, take her!"
The guards ran forward, but were repelled by a glowing light
"To late," Said the cloaked one, her body shining. Immediately, she snapped out her wings, feeling the light repel off of the silver "Try and take me now!" She said as she surged upward. Freedom! but immediately, pain erupted from her shoulder, spreading through out her body. She almost screamed in pain as she lost altitude...

OK! That's it for now! please comment and tell me if i should continue!

Hello!

Ok so there were some issues with grammar in this but you would like to know whether or not you should carry this on so I won't go in depth into them.

This looks interesting though it is difficult to know whether or not you should carry this on because I don't really know the story. Remember that we cannot see inside your head

You will probably want to put a short synopsis of your ideas before or after the prologue to give people an insight into what you intend to write, then we can give you a proper idea of whether or not carry it on. Remember that there is no right or wrong when it comes to your ideas, if you really want to carry it on then do so because one story will not appeal to everyone but you will probably find that someone would love it.

In my opinion, go for it!

Good Luck
~Lydia

Yo,

The cloaked figure peered through the black night, The moon providing faint light as she searching for an exit - here, the rhythm of the description gives away the fact that you are prone to poetry haha. Line one ends in black night, line two - faint light, line three - searching for an exit. OK, but seriously, even one example of what the faint light of the moon outlines will make this scene more real for the read.

Gotta get away, gotta escape then she looked at the wall. - I think a 'she thought' is missing here before the 'then she looked...'

Gotta get away, gotta escape then she looked at the wall. There! With a new hope surging up into her heart, she ran with all her might to the wall. The wall was big, but not big enough to keep her out - hihi, one: there are too many 'walls' here, and two: perhaps you can say that the wall is 'high', or 'formidable', instead of just 'big'

She turned around, her cloak swishing around her figure like a loose dress - very visual, super

It was useless for stealth - another part of the sentence missing. I suppose it's something like 'useless to strive for stealth' or something.

She looked up, judging the height. But when she turned around, she found the guards had surrounded her. All the search lights pointed at her, She shielded her eyes. - two things here. One: it really would work better if you add details like what did she shield her eyes with. Like her hand, or both hands, or knife, staff, sleeve etc. Second: this scene seems to be lacking in dynamism. After all, she is running for her life, or so she thinks, so you should add a little adrenaline to the scene. Like 'but even as she lingered just a second judging the height of the wall, it was too late. Search lights blinded her from all sides. She was surrounded by the guards', or something of this sort, where something which happened quickly, unexpectedly, and is bad, is shown to happen in one dynamic scene.

she snapped out her wings, feeling the light repel off of the silver - this... I know something is wrong here, but what exactly, I have no idea, because I have no idea what you mean by repelling off the silver:)

Right, the plot starts just fine, along well traversed lines, which is nothing to be ashamed about, especially when you are in high school:) I confess, the wings made me think of Maximum Ride immediately, but the whole setup could be a Marvel comics adventure from way back in the early 1960's and this is great. Many old masters have walked this way, means you're going into the right direction.

One last thing, keep in mind that the Moses metaphor will only work if this is our world.

Hope this helped, good luck