How Do You...

OK! this is not my best poem, but i feel i should post it. This poem is DEFINETLY over exaggerated from what has really happened, but it is open for any interpretation! And FWI, i usually write happier poetry, so this is probably the only depressing one you'll read from me! And i think that's a good thing


How Do You Sleep At Night?


How do you sleep at night knowing all to well what you have done?
How do you look in the mirror and see anything besides a cold-blooded murderer?
How do you wake up knowing you are what you are?
How do you continue doing what you know is wrong?
How do you not feel a hint of guilt for what you have done?
How do you look right in the eyes of those that are your victim's and feel nothing?
How do you thrive with all the sins you have committed?

How do you live knowing that you have killed me?


(So? what do you think? )

Hi!!! Welcome to YWS. I hope you like it here. Most of us don't bite. I shall review for you today.

How do you sleep at night knowing all to well what you have done?

"to" should be "too"

Here's what I think. It was really good, like a short little murder story. I wasn't expecting the last line to be

How do you live knowing that you have killed me?

Hope I helped.

-Crescent

I do like your poem and it really is creative. I give it a 6. but maybe it could be a 8 or 9 if you spike it up a bit like in this line...

How do you thrive with all the sins you have committed?

You could add: " How do you get your empty hearted self to thrive in your life with all the awful cold hearted sins you have committed to completely innocent people?"
Just add some more adjectives to your poem and wallah! a beautiful work of art! ( not that it isn't already)

* and please read my story, A new home a new love in the romantic fiction section!! thank you!*

Hello! Welcome to YWS~ Be sure to look around at works from other members and lend them your suggestions, too. Looking through what could be improved in other works helps you to see what you can change in your own.

First of all, be sure to proofread! Know the difference between 'to' and 'too', and also review when to use apostrophes. You don't need to use an apostrophe to make victims plural. It makes it seem like you're telling us that the victims have something, and then they never do.

What I recommend for this poem, though it's pretty powerful in the bare bones idea, is maybe getting a little creative so we can get some imagery in here. The reason Lily might have suggested you to use more adjectives is because we don't SEE anything in your poem. We just hear question after question. One idea that I had, without taking apart what you already have, is inserting more between each of these questions. Each of these could be the mini-title to stanzas that describe different feelings that the narrator has toward the person to whom she's speaking. For example, under

How do you wake up knowing you are what you are?

you could make a stanza that describes the 'killer' waking up into a cold room, using different words to evoke that coldness in the reader.

That might mean using phrases like 'the curtains shivered' or 'windows glazed over with frost', or something, just to slip in that idea of a cold, unfeeling room? But that depends on what kind of room you think the 'killer' would wake up to. Maybe it's not cold, but maybe it's burning with the heat of his crime, or something like that, yeah?

Take it further and explore a little more, because it's interesting now!

PM me if you have any questions.

-Hannah-

Short poem but well to the point I liked it. Though I'm not a poet and I have only written one poem I thought this one was pretty good.

crescent wrote: Most of us don't bite.

Unforunately I do. So brace yourself eh?

Now, this is just two cents before I pass out.

You're asking a specific person very personal questions that can only be answered by that person. You can't expect the reader to take away from something they cannot relate too. A) They aren't dead B) I sure hope they aren't murderers

Now, you can take any idea really. Murder, Lust, Robberies, Huge godlike events. Whatever floats your boat. But you have to put it in context. That is where lovely poetic devices like similes and metaphors encorporate themselves.

With those devices you can take something huge and distant from your reader's mind and make it tangiable for them. For all I care, relate murder to making a cake. As long as you learn to put it in context. You can't assume your readers have had certain experiences, lay it out for them. Once you have that down you can focus on improving in other areas, but doing this first is of prime importance.

All the best, and drop me a PM if you need anything.
Kamas