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Shades of Violet(5)[scream]



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Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:46 am
Valentine says...



I hope this addition to Shades of Violet quenches your thirst for rising action, and your thirst for blood. Hehe. Please tell me this isn't boring. If it is, then you must live in adrenaline land. I'll need grammatical fixes, so if you find any, please report them. Okay,please leave comments and remember to "like" it if you do. Here it goes:

~Shades of Violet~


[5] [scream] [Monday]

A scream wrenched me awake. It was the loudest, most pain-filled shout I had ever heard. My eyes stretched wide as I lay in bed, sweat sliding down my back. Somebody was dying. We were all going to die. Not again. Once was enough.
Derek’s whimpers rose from below me. My mind blocked them out. I attempted to pull my sheets tighter, but I found that my hand was shaking uncontrollably. The scream continued on for what seemed like an eternity. It was a high pitch wail completely engorged with pain. It was close. My ears rang painfully when it finally ceased.
“What-what was that?” Derek asked in a coarse whisper. A reply remained in my mouth, sticking to the sand paper sides of my throat. My chest rose up and down like the rising tide of the ocean. I was going to die.
“That-that sounded like Emily.”
The adamant walls of my mind let that statement slip through, and my breathing stopped. No. There was no way he could tell who the voice belonged to. It was his imagination playing with him. There was no way.
“I’m positive.”
My head shook from side to side. I couldn’t believe it. If that was Emily, than she was dead. I had never been surer of anything.
“No.” My reply finally left my lips. “You don’t know.”
He would have replied, but the sound of sirens stopped us both mid-thought. An ambulance was on its way. I glanced out of the foggy window next to my bed. I could barely make out blurred streaks of red and slowly moving dark splotches. My hand felt cool as I wiped away the condensation to see clearer. The dark splotches were actually a mix of teachers of paramedics. They were rushing in and out of the cafeteria doors. The expressions of fear were clear on their faces.
My mouth opened, but closed abruptly as I heard the door of our room close. Derek’s heavy breathing was silent. I hung my head over the side and saw that his bed was empty. Without a second thought, I dropped to the ground, and followed the sound of his footsteps out into the hallways.
The hall was incredibly dark. Eerie moonlight that streaked through the windows was the only light I had to work with. I silently prayed to any god out there, begging for nothing to have happened to Emily. It was unlikely. Out of the five thousand kids that went here, the chances of it being her were slim.
My bare feet slapped painfully on the hard floor. I halted when I reached the first door to the outside. This could technically get me in really big trouble. Students were forbidden from even leaving their rooms at night. A of now, I couldn’t care any less. After taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open and stepped outside.
The night air was frigid. Immediately, I wished I’d grabbed a jacket, but as I picked up my pace, I realized how silly that thought was. I really should have been wishing for a knife. If Emily was hurt, somebody was going to die.
I followed the lights and shouts that led me toward to the cafeteria. Pretty soon, I reached the cafeteria. I assumed somebody would have tried to stop me. Unfortunately, they were too busy. Too busy rushing out students on stretchers. Tears welled up in my eyes. Students were being rushed out of the cafeteria on stretchers. Their bodies were visibly mangled. It looked like they had been mauled by animals.
Where was Derek? If Emily was one of these students, I couldn’t bare to think what he’d do. I paused at a door that led into the cafeteria. Half of me wanted to go in, the other half screamed at me to run as far away as I could.

I ignored my conscience, and entered.

What I saw then will never leave my mind. It can’t really be described. But it was worse than any nightmare. Bodies were strewn across the room. Dead bodies. Blood coated the cafeteria floor. It looked like an angry bear had been let loose on the students.
I pulled my eyes away from the gore and saw Derek instantly. He was kneeling over the mangled body of a student. Tears were streaking down his face. My mind shut down that very moment. My muscles froze, my vision blurred, and my thoughts slowed to a halt.
I let out a scream of disbelief. At the same time, an icy pain crept up my wrist. Violet’s voice hammered against the wall of my mind, but I screamed again. An uncontrollable rage swept through my body.
All I knew was that I wanted to rip apart whoever had done this. But the next thing I knew, my throat was on fire, and I was lying on my back.
“Don’t make me hurt you.” Violet’s voice was angry, but it was also had a faint tone of empathy. I remained silent, still gasping for air. My eyes scrunched closed but the tears kept pouring out. “It’s okay Peter.” This time her voice had no anger in it, only sadness.
“What do you mean it okay?” I choked. “She’s dead!” Violet’s grip on my neck finally released, and my breathing steadied. ”She’s-,” I began, but my voice faltered as it succumbed to my emotions. She waited until my whimpers faded to reply.
“We’re all dead.”
I gave her a look that mustered up all the hatred I could manage. All she ever did was come out of nowhere and answer my questions with riddles. I pushed her off me and ignored the searing pain from the burn.
I was dizzy at first, and stumbled towards where I remembered Derek being. I almost fell again but Violet caught me.
“I’m sorry.” I heard her say. I ignored her apology and staggered forward. My vision focused, and I found myself standing in front of Derek. He was silent now; the tears dry on his face. His face was somber and his eyes were bloodshot.
“Where are you Emily?” he mumbled.
I slumped down next to him. “She’s right here Derek. It’s Emily.” It was the truth. Her face was mostly unharmed. Two thin cuts over her wrists had killed her. She lay in a puddle of her own blood. My mind couldn’t grasp the fact that she was gone. I guess Derek was in denial.
“No, it’s not her,” he replied. I looked over to him and suddenly I was overwhelmed with sympathy. I didn’t know if he’d ever accept the fact that she was dead. One thing was for sure, I wasn’t going to tell him the truth. But as I gazed over her face, it couldn’t have been anyone else. Her face was paler, but her hair was up and her cheek bones were high. She was even wearing her signature dark eyeliner.
“Look at her hair,” he ordered.
I opened my mouth to protest, but obeyed. I scanned over her hair again. It was still blonde; it was cut the same way.
“There’s no purple.”
I looked again. He was right. Her purple highlight was not there. It seemed like such a minute detail, but unless she cut it off, there was a small chance that this wasn’t her.
“If this isn’t her, who is it?” I asked. Really, I didn’t expect him to know. I was just thinking out loud. So instead of an answer, I felt somebody brush against me. Violet had kneeled next to me.
“An illusion,” she whispered. My eyes widened, and my hand brushed against corpse’s hair. It didn’t disappear. I rubbed the strands between my fingertips before looking back at Violet questioningly.
“Not all illusions disappear, Peter.”
“Are you saying,” Derek began, and swallowed hard. “Are you saying that this isn’t my sister?” Violet brushed her hand against the body’s skin.
“I know it’s not. None of these are real.”
“Then where are they. Where is my sister?” Derek pleaded.
“I don’t know. They never said-. I don’t know,” Violet answered.
“Who are you?” I asked. The question had a secret meaning behind it. She knew I was suspicious of her.
“Violet Steele,” she answered flatly.
“No, who are you?” I asked again. “Why do you know so much more about what’s happening than we do?”
Her eyes darted to the ground and she bit her lip.
“I can’t tell you.”
Derek glared at her with pure hatred.
“Why can’t I hear you?” Derek inquired, and looked down at the fake Emily.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Violet replied. She looked relieved that he had changed the subject.
“I can’t hear you,” he said, and when Violet looked at him blankly, he continued. “It started a little while ago. These voices started to talk to me. At first I mistook them for my own thoughts. But then I realized what they were.” Derek paused for a moment and licked his lips. “They were people’s thoughts. I don’t know how it happened. I can’t control it at all. But I can hear people’s thoughts like they’re speaking them right into my mind. Well, that is, except you. I hear your thoughts all the time. But it’s like trying to read a book in a different language. You know that is it says something, but you can’t understand what it means.”
What was he talking about? He could hear people’s thoughts. Maybe he already knew about my talent. What else did he know? I looked over to him, hoping to see a sign that he had heard my thoughts. He didn’t show any emotion. Violet on the other hand had stood up, and was pacing back and forth around us.
“I think I may know where you sister is,” Violet stated. My mouth opened is disbelief.
“What? You don’t have anything to say to Derek?” I guffawed.
“Well, of course he can read minds.”
Derek looked as surprised as I did.
“Who are you?” Derek asked.
“I told you already. My name is Violet Steele.”
"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain- TDK"

-My Bloody Valentine Reviews-
  





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Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:52 pm
Pretty Crazy says...



Ooh that was intense. I haven't done a review in a long time so let's hope this goes well.

A of now, I couldn’t care any less.

Isn't it "As"?

Ahh! There was another thing I saw but I can't find it again. Blah, who cares about the grammar right now. This is getting good! But it's still driving me crazy that we know nothing about Violet yet. At least drop a hint. But hey, it's up to you, as I said before, it's your story.

Well keep writing this. I cannot wait to read more. Hope this was of help.

~ Crazy :P
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Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:43 pm
infinite reality says...



Thanks Crazy. I was hoping it would be intense for other people than me. Violet is supposed to be confusing, but she won't be for long. Yay!
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Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:44 pm
infinite reality says...



oopsies!
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Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:44 pm
Valentine says...



Thanks Crazy. I was hoping it would be intense for other people than me. Violet is supposed to be confusing, but she won't be for long. Yay! You didn't see anything!
"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain- TDK"

-My Bloody Valentine Reviews-
  





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Sat Mar 20, 2010 3:35 pm
cosby says...



Oooh! I like this - I've just read all the chapters that you've posted, and I love it!Violet is really intriguing, and I want to know what's happening. One thing I don't really understand (although I might not be meant to) is the illusions. If these body's are illusions, how can people feel them, touch them? Why does everyone see them? Why does everyone see the same illusion?
I guess these are questions you want the reader to ask, and I hope you have some answers in the next few chapters, because I'll be reading them! Also, how come the ambulance came so quickly?

I really liked this, so please keep writing! (I'll be putting a like on this)
- From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it -

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Sun Mar 21, 2010 12:36 am
shineondiamondeyes says...



WHOOOOOO!!! YOU'VE HIT THE MARK VALENTIME!!! All right enough celebrating down to buisness. You were right lots of grammer errors. My suggestion for that is just read it out loud and you can catch a few of those. I have three biggies. Does Peter have violent tendencies? Didn't think so. I just don't understand why he is wishing for a knife when he's on his way to find Derek and Emily. I'm not sure how you would change that. Secondly, when Violet frist shows up it's really confusing. I think if you didn't try to describe what's happening. Keep it cryptic and it will add to the suspense. Last, this.

The question had a secret meaning behind it.
Delete this sentence!!! It just kills all the suspence in that moment it would be so much better if you just got rid of it.

I know this is probably confusing you but I hope this helps.

~Shine
rise and shine
and open up your eyes
to give this world some color
shine on diamond eyes
seperate the space
between love and lies

3393 words
  





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Sun Mar 21, 2010 1:00 am
Valentine says...



Thanks for the review Shine. You said this:

VALENTIME!!!


That's not my name-that's not my name-that's my my nameeeeee....They call me....


I crack myself up.
"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain- TDK"

-My Bloody Valentine Reviews-
  





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Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:13 am
shineondiamondeyes says...



Wow. You crack me up too. I'm sorry I misspelled your name. Sometimes I get carried away... I feel awful that I did that. I'm so so so so so so so so sorry. Haha. Great story. Keep writing. Maybe you should infuse some of your humor into the story. :lol:


~Shine
rise and shine
and open up your eyes
to give this world some color
shine on diamond eyes
seperate the space
between love and lies

3393 words
  





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Sun Mar 21, 2010 6:51 am
Hippie says...



Wow, now things are heating up. At first when Violet appeared at the scene of the crime I thought she must have killed everyone with her power or something. I guess not. I loved your description of the scream. In fact, you had brilliant descriptions throught the whole thing. And I'm glad that there's a bit more tension and action now.

In the scheme of the whole novel, I'd reccomend moving this forward so it catches them when they're still dazed from the thing with the vaccines and strange marks. That way it won't seem like a false start when everything goes back to normal for a bit before the plot kicks in again a few chapters later.

Shine beat me to the thing about him wanting to bring a knife, but I'll just reinforce it anyway.

Peter's thoughts are really starting to come through now. There's no credibility issues that stand out, so I guess that sums up this (rather short) review. It's no surprise that this has become a featured work.
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Sun Mar 21, 2010 10:46 pm
Mr.Knightley says...



Hi, Valentine! Here to review, as requested. Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to this... it was my birthday the other day, and it was crazy. :P

So I have to say, I really liked reading this. You definitely had a lot of suspense in this, and it had my heart racing! I love how you described the girl's screams. It was very realistic. Keep it up in that aspect.

Hm, what else can I say? There wasn't really anything to point out... Punctuation was good and your structure is nice, so...huh.

Take it as a compliment that I am at a complete loss for words--I always have something to say, but there really isn't anything bad to point out! Great job, Valentine. I enjoyed it.

If you have any questions or would like another review, please feel free to ask! :D

-Knightley
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Wed Mar 24, 2010 6:10 am
TearsLikeRain says...



Wow. That was definitely intense. I was about to cry. I thought you killed Emily. ): That was mean, Valentime. :)I mean Valentine. You know she is one of my favorite characters.
Haha, anyway I love this story. It just keeps getting better. I love your description in this chapter.
So their all dead? That really really really caught my attention. I can't wait for the next chapter. :)
Keep it up!!
  





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Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:49 pm
Valentine says...



hello. sorry guys, I was trying to figure out how to put a picture on here.
[img]
http://gothdating.org/wp-content/upload ... othguy.jpg[/img]
"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain- TDK"

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Wed Apr 07, 2010 1:12 pm
Sionarama says...



Wait a second!! Is that you?? Anyway, I love your stories so much I'm addicted to them like coffee! You should write them and publish them. They'll be a hit! Despite everything, I think it was suspence full (sorry I cant spell well) and Violet is as confusing as ever. My favorite character is Derek so don't kill him off! If you do, whenever I review I'll write
"Purple cows! Purple cows!" and other such nonesence words that you go beserk....
So what'll it be??

~sionarama (my real name is Siona)
p.s.
hope I made you ROFL!!!!!
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