Young Writers Society

PROLOGUE
AMANDA:
10:25 PM
25th June
“Please tell me you're joking,” I pleaded. Olivia’s eyes were full of insanity and hatred. She wasn't going to spare me. What in the world had gotten into her?
“Why would I joke about such a serious matter? Trust me,” Olivia replied. She spun the barrel of her Korth revolver, sending a rising lurch of fear into my gut.
But I still couldn't believe that she was going to do that. Kill me.
She won’t kill me, I consoled myself. My heart was beating frantically. But it didn't need to worry; all it's future pains were going to be stopped by Olivia.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked. Her heart shaped face didn’t look dangerous even now but I knew she was.
“You have ruined my life." She spat at me. "Why life is so easy for you? You got everything you wanted while I was left to become your maid. I resent my life,” This accusation hurt me like a splinter from a bomb blast. It did hurt at first, but I knew that she was not in her senses. I had never thought that my best friend envied me. I had never done any bad to her so why was she trying to kill me? Just for some silly reason?
"Maid? You aren't my maid, but my manager and also my best friend," I cleared up the blame on me.
"How does it matter? Only the name is different but I am a maid. You treat me like one," she couldn't stop her rows of accusations.
Her fingers weren't quivering and no smile lit up her face. This could mean only one thing; she was determined to kill me. She had never stretched a joke or prank of hers for this long before. She was dead serious about this.
The lobby where I was sitting now, with my hands tied to the chair, was next to my bedroom . The walls were not brightly colored. Next to me was a table with an antique phone, one which I brought in Egypt while shooting for my film. I felt helpless; I couldn't use the phone when it was so close to me.

“I don't understand. How have I ruined your life?” I barked in rage, not even wanting to hear the answers, just stalling for time. I tried to free myself from the rope she had tied around my hands, which I was sure must have left a red mark on my wrists, but in vain.
“You stole my peace. Every night I go to bed wondering about how much God intends to give you. An expensive wardrobe, holidays at exotic places and five star treatment, all of this just drives me crazy. I am jealous of you. Did you hear me? I am jealous! I envy you!” she dropped the revolver and closed her ears with her hands screaming like a maniac which indeed she had become. It was unbelievable that a person on a mission would drop the gun so easily. Maybe, she was insane. I made a mental note of taking her to a psychiatrist if I survived this confrontation.
I looked down to see the Korth revolver close to me. While she is screaming and howling I should pick it up, I thought to myself.
I took a deep breath before taking the revolver. Olivia was still standing there unaware of my plan. I bent down slowly and tried to bring the revolver closer to me by dragging it with my feet when pain abruptly struck me. Olivia had stomped her sandal on my foot. I screeched in pain, praying that my neighbors would somehow hear me. But who is at home around 10 at Beverly Hills? Most of them are busy partying in a club or in five star hotels and no one is going to come home before next day, I thought. I looked up to see Olivia for the first time greeting me with a smile but a demented one.
“I should have made myself clear before,” she whispered.
I raised my one eyebrow. I couldn't understand her. It seemed like she was a new Olivia, the one I had never come across with, the one who was going to destroy me forever.
“I should have tied your mouth too. You shout a lot. Just like some B-grade actress. That’s what you are. You are not an A-grade one. People think you are, however you can't fool me. I taught you acting. I got you work here. Remember?” she shouted at top of her lungs.
I couldn't believe she just had just said that.
“What do you want? Money? Fame?” I asked her politely. I had once read that you shouldn’t challenge or engage yourself in a fight with any mentally insane criminal or a gonna be.
“No. I just want your end,” she laughed hysterically . I could see my death near me,
“Please don’t do this.”
"Okay then I want the role of Casey from Midnight Theft. The role which eventually was mine but went to you. The one which made you what you are,” she transported me to those pleasant memories. I began thinking how accidentally the role had come to me.
"What are you saying? That's impossible," I said.
"Are you sure?"
"How can I reverse back time? It's next to impossible
I heard a crackle and saw Olivia pointing the gun at my head. She pressed the trigger.... The pain in my heart was unbearable before but was nothing in front of the mental pain she had given me. I felt something stuck in my throat which was making breathing even more tough for me. My vision started blackening and I could just see a faint smile lit up my killer's face. I was there on the chair, tied up, fighting for a life. The next thing I knew I was dead.I floated above her, above my body leaving behind my paradise,the one I had created with my sheer hardwork and talent. I was leaving everything behind me. No one was going to be the witness of all this except for the non-living things which stood in my house's alleyway.
Then I remembered one old Indian proverb, “We come in the world empty-handied and go back without anything. Then why does man crave for fame and power?" I could now agree with the speaker of this proverb. I had spent my whole life earning all this power and success but it took a second for Olivia to separate me from it.
Though I was dead, a new Olivia had born, the one with a deadly mission- To destroy everything which reminded the world of me. This was just going to be the beginning of her crime life, full of guilt and insanity.

Hey there! So I haven't done a critique in ages, probably close on to 6 months, but here I am, ready to pick it up again! I'm going to copy & paste your story and an grammatical errors, comments or concerns will be in bold. Sound good? Okay, let's get started!

“Please stop joking,” I commanded. Olivia’s eyes were full of greed and weren’t going to spare me. What in the world had gotten into her?

“Why would I joke about such a serious matter as this is? Definitely I am serious,seems a little awkward, maybe something like "I am being serious. Trust me.” Olivia replied. She twisted her Korth revolver to scare me. But I still didn’t believe that she was going to do that. Kill me. She wouldn't kill me, I mumbled to myself.

“Why would you do this to me?” I asked. Her heart shaped face didn’t look dangerous even now but I knew she was. Well she had had the courage to buy an expensive revolver like Korth so she must have the power to end me up. take out the up

“Maybe because you ruined my life,” she blamed me. This accusation hurt me like a splinter from a bomb blast. very very nice simile I had never thought that my best friend envied me. I had never done any bad to her so why was she trying to kill me?

Her fingers weren’t quivering and no smile lit up her face. This was another surety of her killing me. She had never stretched a joke or prank of hers for this long. She was dead serious about this.

“Would you kill me then? How have I ruined your life?” I barked in rage, not even wanting to hear the answers, just stalling for time. this could possibly work. I tried to free myself from the rope she had tied around my hand, which I was sure had left a red mark on my freshly manicured hand. The repetition of hand doesn't flow well, try something like around my wrists or freshly manicured nails. Your choice!

“You stole my peace. Every night I go to bed thinking about how much more fame will god give to you. Expensive wardrobe, holidays to exotic places and five star treatment, all of it just blows off my head. I am jealous of you. Did you hear me? I am jealous! I envy you,” she dropped the revolver and closed her ears with her hands screaming like a maniac which indeed she had become. I looked down to see the Korth revolver close to me. While she is screaming and howling I should pick it up, I thought to myself.

I took a deep breath before launching myself into action. Olivia was still standing there unaware of my plan. I bent down quietly to pick it up when pain abruptly struck me. Olivia had stomped her sandal on my hand. I screeched in pain more than necessary, praying that my neighbors would somehow hear me. But who is took out at home around 10 at Beverly Hills. Most of them are busy partying in a club or in five star hotels and no one is going to come before next day, I thought. Couldn’t these thoughts go somewhere else? I looked up to see Olivia for the first time greeting me with a smile but a warped one.

“I should have made myself clear before,” she silently whispered.

I raised my one eyebrow. I couldn't understand her. It seemed like she was a new Olivia, the one I had never come across with who will destroy me forever.

“I should have tied your mouth too. You shout a lot. Just like a B-grade actress. That’s what you are. You are not an A-grade one. Let people consider you that but I know the truth,” she shouted at top of her voice.

“What do you want? Money? Fame?” I asked her politely. I had once read that you shouldn’t challenge or engage in a fight with a mentally retarded criminal.

“No. I just want your end,” she hysterically laughed. I could see my death near to me.

“Please don’t do this.”

"Okay then I want the role of Casey from Midnight Theft. The role which was mine but went to you. The one which made you what you are,” she transported me to those pleasant memories. I began thinking how accidentally the role had come to me. I heard a crackle and saw Olivia pointing the gun at my head.She pressed the trigger.... The next thing I knew was that I was dead. I floated above her, above my body leaving behind my paradise.Though I was dead, a new Olivia had born, the one with a mission. To destroy everything which reminded the world of me. From here on started Olivia’s crime life.

"GOD SHE DOESN"T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS DONE PLEASE FORGIVE HER," I WILL PRAY THIS FROM THE HEAVEN EVERYDAY FROM NOW ON.

Wow. Now this story was truly one that gave me shivers. I love the ending, completely unexpected, I didn't think Olivia was going to go through with it, I was praying she didn't! I really hope you continue on with this story, and when you do post more I would love a pm letting me know!

Yours truly,
N

Thank you lakegirls for your kind suggestions. I have edited it and you may like to take a look at it again.

I think this story is a little confusing. I feel like most of your dialogue is extremely inverted.
Ex:

"Why would I joke about such a serious matter as this is? Definitely I am serious"

This makes it sound like English is not Olivia's first language. Maybe instead try "Why would I joke about such a serious matter? I mean every word I say."

As well, Olivia seems to have a pretty lame motivation for killing the main character. If this was later in your story then we might have time to get to know Olivia, and we might better understand why she is so jealous. As it is, it just seems ridiculous that Olivia is killing this girl for no reason.

Based on the title of the story, I'm going to assume that Olivia is the main character. In that case, I'm not really sure how you're going to write the rest of the story, because the character doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Also, I think that most of your dialogue tags sound very unnatural.
Ex:

“Maybe because you ruined my life,” she blamed me.

The reader will assume that Olivia is blaming the main character from what Olivia says, you don't need to say it. I would leave it as "Maybe because you ruined my life."

Ex:

“Would you kill me then? How have I ruined your life?” I barked in rage

The dialogue in this case is awkward as well as the tag. I would cut out "would you kill me then" and change it to "I don't understand; how have I ruined your life?". Also, barking is something that I would associate with a sports coach. Try instead "I had to stall for time".

So the whole sentence might read: "I don't understand; how have I ruined your life?" I had to stall for time.

I like the idea that you have to tell a story about a criminal, but I think that you might want to work on making sure that the audience understands Olivia better.

I think I made myself pretty clear in the beginning that this is just a prologue so I am not elaborating on the feelings. I think I told that Olivia is insane and I will tell in the forthcoming chapters what all lead to this. Thanks for reading.

Hey, Shubhi! I liked your story, it's new! I just wanted to point out that your prologue is a little rushed because your story starts out with a climax - a supporting climax, but still a climax. You drastically start out with killing a character. If I were in your place, I would perhaps begin the story with the events that lead up to the relationship that Olivia and Amanda had once shared, and how it went wrong one time or the other. As of now, I can't really relate to Olivia because I don't know who she was or how she used to act. Maybe she "deserved" this bullet. Or are you writing in medias res? Because I thought that your forthcoming chapters would be about the next victims of Olivia. Anyways, just that. I liked how the events in your piece were positioned realistically (according to the seven stages of grief, or any other repressing emotion) - first, shock and denial, second, guilt, bargaining, and then the final step (on the behalf of Amanda). Good job! Keep working, I'd love to read your future posts!

Hi FlyingInEbony.Thanks for reviewing. Actually I have just started this with a prologue. I will tell how they befriended and what led to all this but in a flashback/memories Olivia has. Thanks once again..

'Ello shubhi!
I really, really liked this story! Please don't stop writing this! No nit-picks to point-out, which is good.
I shall review this in Beautiful Blue!

“Would you kill me then, how have I ruined your life?” I barked in rage, not even wanting to hear the answers, just stalling for time. When asking two questions at the same time, you should combine them together, separated by a comma.

I tried to free myself from the rope she had tied around my hands,... What? You make it sound like she only has the rope tied around one of her hands, she wouldn't be struggling to free herself then.

I looked down to see the Korth revolver close to me. While she is screaming and howling I should pick it up, I thought to myself.
I took a deep breath before launching myself into action. Olivia was still standing there unaware of my plan. I bent down quietly to pick it up when pain abruptly struck me.I thought her hands were tied?

"GOD SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS DONE PLEASE FORGIVE HER," I WILL PRAY THIS FROM THE HEAVENS EVERYDAY FROM NOW ON.

Thanks LittlePetRock!

Hey there Shubhi!

Most people have pointed out the nitpicks, so I won't bother you with any dull repetition, what I will say though, concerns your dialogue. At the start I loved it and at the end I loved it, there's a true stencil of character created by it. However, during the middle and nearer the start there were parts where it just felt too much like a bland plot motor. By this I mean the questions in the dialogue were so wooden, that it just sounded oddly like a request to the reader to bend their minds to the change of happenings. Beside this, I have to say I adore the narrative voice and the showing of the imagery and atmosphere, it's all very well written. I think you might need to look over some of the longer and shorter sentences and rethink about punctuating because there seems to be an odd vibe of mistakes throughout. I also love your character Olivia (don't know if I'm meant to) but I just thought her personality was so interesting. A little scratchy on Amanda though, which is odd since this is written in first person so we should kind of prectically be inside her head, but I'm not really getting that effect. I feel a lot like I'm third party povving, if you know what I mean. Seeing it from a camera view, if it were a film, you know?

Anyway, keep up the good writing and PM me when you have more,
Ben

Hi shubhi! This was just, well okay. It's a nice start, but you're making a lot of amateur mistakes, and people have most already commented on those. I did, however, notice one little thing, and that had to do with your dialogue tags. See below.

I commanded.
Olivia replied.
I asked.
she blamed me.
I barked in rage
she silently whispered.
she shouted at top of her voice.
I asked her politely.
she hysterically laughed.

You avoid the word 'said' like the plague. Said is an okay word to use, and more specific dialogue tags should only be used for emphasis. Somethings the dialogue speaks for itself, like at the beginning. We know Amanda is commanding Olivia-you don't really need to tell us that. Only use dialogue tags when really necessary. However, in your piece they are mostly unnecessary, and I've highlighted various tags for two separate reasons, divided by color.

RED

Your red tags consist of actions that cannot be used to communicate a message. For instance, let's take a look at your first one, 'she blamed me'. 'Blame' is an interesting action, because it is performed by saying various words. This an instance where the dialogue will speak for itself. For instance, if there are two small children who get caught sticking their hand in the cookie jar, one might blurt out,

"Oh, Aubrey dared me!"

In that case, it's pretty obvious that the child is blaming Aubrey, so let the dialogue speak for its self.

Your second tag, "she hysterically laughed," is rather self-explanatory. You can't really talk while you're laughing, can you. Rather then what you have now, try something along the lines of, "She was laughing hysterically. As I watched, rolling my eyes, she finally calmed down and said, 'No. I just want your end'", or something like that that makes a bit more sense.

GREEN

Not so much of a ramble here, but I will say that the tags highlighted in green are extremely redundant. For instance, we all know water is clear. In a story, you won't need to say, "I picked up the clear water".

Let's take your two ones, 'I shouted at the top of my voice,' and, 'I barked in rage'. Shouting is pretty much loud talking, isn't it? People are going to use the top of their voice when they shout. And someone will usually be angry when they "bark", and 'rage' is a synonym for "angry". So, these two dialogue tags could easily be changed to, "I barked", and "I shouted".

-
Nothing much else. I liked the idea, and can't wait to see where it goes.

-Elinor

Thanks Ben and Elinor. i will go through the mistakes.

shubhiloves2write wrote:Writer's note->Hi I had posted it before but then deleted it. It's rough and needs some serious work, I know. Just tell me whether you like the story or not. Point out grammar but don't tell me that I have not described much for I will do it in forthcoming chapters. ENJOY!!!
PROLOGUE
AMANDA:
“Please stop joking,” I commanded. Olivia’s eyes were full of greed and weren’t going to spare me. What in the world had gotten into her?
“Why would I joke about such a serious matter as this is? I am being serious. Trust me,” Olivia replied. She twisted her Korth revolver to scare me. But I still couldn't believe that she was going to do that. Kill me. She won’t kill me, I mumbled to myself.
“Why would you do this to me?” I asked. Her heart shaped face didn’t look dangerous even now but I knew she was. Well, she had had the courage to buy an expensive revolver like Korth so she must have the power to end me up.
“You have ruined my life,” she blamed me. This accusation hurt me like a splinter from a bomb blast. I had never thought that my best friend envied me. I had never done any bad to her so why was she trying to kill me? Just for some silly reason she was going to give?
Her fingers weren’t quivering and no smile lit up her face. This was another proof that she was determined of killing me. She had never stretched a joke or prank of hers for this long before. She was dead serious about this.
“Would you kill me then? How have I ruined your life?” I barked in rage,not even wanting to hear the answers, just stalling for time . I tried to free myself from the rope she had tied around my hand, which I was sure had left a red mark on my freshly manicured nails.
“You stole my peace. Every night I go to bed thinking about how much more fame will god give to you. Expensive wardrobe, holidays at exotic places and five star treatment, all of it just blows off my head. I am jealous of you. Did you hear me? I am jealous! I envy you,” she dropped the revolver and closed her ears with her hands screaming like a maniac which indeed she had become. My fame? My success? Had all this been the reason? What kind of a friend envies her friend's success? I looked down to see the Korth revolver close to me. While she is screaming and howling I should pick it up, I thought to myself.
I took a deep breath before launching myself into action. Olivia was still standing there unaware of my plan. I bent down quietly and tried to bring the revolver closer to me by dragging it with my feet when pain abrubtly struck me. Olivia had stomped her sandal on my foot. I screeched in pain more,praying that my neighbors would somehow hear me. But who is at home around 10 at Beverly Hills. Most of them are busy partying in a club or in five star hotels and no one is going to come before next day, I thought. Couldn’t these thoughts go somewhere else? I looked up to see Olivia for the first time greeting me with a smile but a warped one.Try instead "a demented smile." Bascially the same thing just more intense.
“I should have made myself clear before,” she silently whispered.
I raised my one eyebrow. I couldn't understand her. It seemed like she was a new Olivia, the one I had never come across with, who was going to destroy me forever.Try this "one whom I've never come across. This new Olivia was going to destroy me forever"
“I should have tied your mouth too. You shout a lot. Just like a B-grade actress. That’s what you are. You are not an A-grade one. Let people consider you that but I know the truth.Try "People think you are, however you don't fool me." I taught you acting. iI got you work here." Remember?,” she shouted at top of her voice.lungs.“What do you want? Money? Fame?” I asked her politely. I had once read that you shouldn’t challenge or engage yourself in a fight with any mentally retarded criminal."mentally insane person."
“No. I just want your end,” she hysterically laughedSwitch those words. I could see my death near me, planning to send me to hell or heaven.Omit“Please don’t do this.”
"Okay then I want the role of Casey from Midnight Theft. The role which eventually was mine but went to you. The one which made you what you are,” she transported me to those pleasant memories. I began thinking how accidentally the role had come to me. I heard a crackle and saw Olivia pointing the gun at my head.She pressed the trigger.... The next thing I knew was that I was dead. I floated above her, above my body leaving behind my paradise.he paradise I had created with my sheer hardwork and talent. I was leaving everything behind me. Then I remembered one old Indian proverb," We come in the world empty-handied and go back without anything. Then why does man crave fame and power?" I could now agree with the creator of proverb. I had spent my whole life earning all this but it took a second for Olivia to separate me from it.
Though I was dead, a new Olivia had born, the one with a mission. To destroy everything which reminded the world of me. From here on started Olivia’s crime life.
"GOD SHE DOESN"T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS DONE PLEASE FORGIVE HER," I WILL PRAY THIS FROM THE HEAVENS EVERYDAY FROM NOW ON.

otherwise, nice, I enjoyed tht very much

Writer's note->Hi I had posted it before but then deleted it. It's rough and needs some serious work, I know. Just tell me whether you like the story or not. Point out grammar but don't tell me that I have not described much for I will do it in forthcoming chapters. ENJOY!!!

Wow, eh… sorry to be a buzz-kill, but it’s important to use description in both chapters AND prologues. So yes, I probably will point out some places where you need to add flesh, because prologues are extremely important; they’re part of the book aren’t they?

“Why would I joke about such a serious matter as this is? I am being serious. Trust me,”

Wow, that first sentence is funky. Rework it to read smoother, like this;
“Why would I joke about such a serious matter? I’m being serious. Trust me,”

Better?

She twisted her Korth revolver to scare me. But I still couldn't believe that she was going to do that. Kill me. would kill me.

Well, she'd had had the courage to buy an expensive revolver like Korth so she must have the power to end me up my life.

This accusation hurt me like a splinter from a bomb blast.

The debris from bombs aren't called splinters, it's called shrapnel. Plus, I doubt you'd just have a splinter. In fact, that'd be amazing and very light damage. You're using this as a metaphor for pain, so a splinter is next to nothing in the world of possible pain. Using a bomb as a metaphor is okay, but say "shrapnel" rather than "splinter".
(I'm not meaning to jump down your throat over one little word; I'm just pointing it out XD)

Just for some silly reason she was going to give?

I find this sentence confusing and unnecessary.

Her fingers weren’t quivering and no smile lit up her face. This was another proof that she was determined of killing me. She had never stretched a joke or prank of hers for this long before. She was dead serious about this.

You're rambling now; avoid that. This whole paragraph has next to no use at all. Another reason for deletion; it's repetitive. We don't need to keep hearing about how serious she is. I think we understand that now.

I tried to free myself from the rope she had tied around my hand, which I was sure had left a red mark on my freshly manicured nails.

Hand= hands. Two hands and all XD Minor typo.

Every night I go to bed thinking about how much more fame will god give to you.

This is confusingly stated. Try something along this line;
"Every night I go to bed thinking about how much more God gives to you."

Expensive wardrobe, holidays at exotic places and five star treatment, all of it just blows off my head. [Saying it blows off her head sounds like she's saying it doesn't matter to her; similar to "I let the insult roll right off me". Perhaps change it to something like "all of it just makes me more and more mad" or something; just so long as it goes in the direction you intend and not in the opposite. Keep sight of your story's direction!]

I looked down to see the Korth revolver close to me.

You mentioned earlier that Korth was a person, so don't call it a "Korth revolver" because it sounds like a weird brand name. Maybe say "Korth's revolver" or just say nothing about Korth at all.

From here on I'll just correct mistakes in red.

I took a deep breath before launching myself into action. [After this next sentence, you say that the MC bends down quietly and tries to get the gun, so saying she "launched into action" is an overstatement. Get rid of this first sentence for those reasons.] Olivia was still standing there unaware of my plan. I bent down quietly and tried to bring the revolver closer to me by dragging it with my feet when pain abrubtly abruptly struck me. Olivia had stomped her sandal on my foot. I screeched in pain more,praying that my neighbors neighbours would somehow hear me. But who is at home around 10 at Beverly Hills? Most of them are busy partying in a club or in five star hotels and no one is going to come before next day tomorrow, I thought. Couldn’t these thoughts go somewhere else? I looked up to see Olivia, for the first time greeting me with a smile; a demented one.

I raised my one an eyebrow.

“I should have tied your mouth too. You shout a lot. Just like a B-grade actress. That’s what you are. You are not an A-grade one. People think you are, however You don't fool me; I taught you acting. I got you work here. Remember?, [You don't need a comma there.]” She shouted at top of her lungs.
“What do you want? Money? Fame?” I asked her, politely panicking.

"Okay then; I want the role of Casey from Midnight Theft. The role which eventually was mine but went to you. The one which that made you what you are,” she transported me to those pleasant memories. I began thinking how accidentally the role had come to me. I heard a crackle cackle and saw Olivia pointed the gun at my head. She pressed the trigger.... The next thing I knew was that I was dead. I floated above her, above my body; I was leaving behind my paradise. The paradise I had created with my sheer hard[space right here]work and talent. I was leaving everything behind me. Then I remembered one old Indian proverb,:"We come in the world empty-handed and go back without anything. Then why does man crave fame and power?" I could now agree with the creator of this proverb. I had spent my whole life earning all this power and success, but it took a second for Olivia to separate me from it.
Though I was dead, a new Olivia had been born, the one with a mission: one to destroy everything which that reminded the world of me. From here on started Olivia’s crime life.
"GOD SHE DOESN"T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS DONE PLEASE FORGIVE HER," I WILL PRAY THIS FROM THE HEAVENS EVERYDAY FROM NOW ON.[This sentence is unneeded, and the story ends much more dramatically on the previous line.]

This sounds more like a short story than a prologue... are you sure it's a prologue? o_O
Strangely, I didn't find anywhere you needed more description. The subtle lack of details actually fit the scene quite well.
But yes, it does seem much like a short story. I can't wait to read the chapter to come

PM me if you have any questions or comments,
~Peanut

I looked down to see the Korth revolver close to me.


You mentioned earlier that Korth was a person, so don't call it a "Korth revolver" because it sounds like a weird brand name. Maybe say "Korth's revolver" or just say nothing about Korth at all.

Korth is the company manufacturing this revolver. it is not a person's name.