Young Writers Society

Ode to a Porch Swing


So many hours spent;
in the place I love the most.
The porch swing
with it’s plush, padded seat.
Memories of dragging
pillows outside,
and laying back, swinging gently.
Reading a book about pirates,
as the chair rocks
back and forth
like the ships in the stories.

It’s always there;
when the yellowed leaves
sail into it’s seat,
when the snow ices the surface
like frosting on a cake.
When the world gives birth
once again to endless
flowers and fruits,
when the summer rain
slowly washes away
the color from the swing’s
fragile skin.

And I’m always there,
watching the world sideways;
watching as though
the Earth sways softly
and I’m staying still
in the place I love the most.

I liked this piece, it gives the reader a feeling of watching the world from outside of reality. I liked the bit with the seasons going by. Can I just ask exactly what the meaning is? As in, is there any particula reason that you chose to write about watching the world go by while on a swing? I'm just curious, but I'd like to see more like this

I like it a lot. I was worried as I was reading it that it was going to be one of those poems that only describes something, nothing more, but it wasn't, thanks to the last verse.

I love the descriptions, especially the "like frosting on a cake" one. Very nice. And it reminded me in style a little bit of the end of "To Kill a Mockingbird".

One thing you might consider is changing the line breaks. At the moment the lines are kind of short. But I'm not sure if that would improve it...

Sorry I'm not more helpful. Keep writing, I'd love to see more like this!
-BFG

(yo homey you accidentally put an n on the end of the the on the final line)

this is a great poem, the emotional climate is fitting to the situation, nice work.

but then again it's always easy write poem themed on comfort, after all, if yu have enough money to own a computer that's the kind of life your able to live, comfy.

you expressed your feelings toward the swing, you shared memeories with the spring,

(whether or not you actually have a porch swing and this poem is based on reality doesn't matter in literature everything is real, even if it's only in the mind of the writer)

this poem is good, it's descriptive, it's found the appropriate degree of luster.

I like this...this gets agold star for the emotional composition.

I liked this poem. I was confused by the last line but as i read down through your reviews I realised that it should read:- In the place i love the most - whereas you had written in then place i love the most-
I like the way that this poem is written, i like the divsion in every verse. The first verse is bringing the reader through memories of the swinging chair, the second verse is telling you about the seasons in which the swinging chair has seen . Then I like the way you finish it off saying in the last verse how this is your favourite place to be.

Well done=]

Oops... xD I had noticed the "then" before I submitted this poem, but I forgot to edit it. Anyway.

100xstupid: There wasn't really a particular reason I wrote about a porch swing. I just love my porch swing so much, I thought it deserved some sort of public recognition.

BFG: I've never read 'To Kill a Mockingbird', but I've heard some very nice things about it, so I'll take your comment as a compliment! Thanks so much!

Monument Soul: Thanks! :3 That's exactly what I was going for. I'm glad you picked up on it!

Rodhead: xD Sorry about the typo. I shall fix that right now! Thanks oodles for your comment!

-Holly

Hi! I'm Hannah~ ^_^
I liked this poem a lot! It was simple and homey, yet some of the lines reached out into a wider world. Don't know if that was your intent with the poem, but that's the impression I got. ^_^ Now for some comments.

in the place I love the most.

The porch swing,

with it’s plush, padded seat.

You do this at another point in the poem as well, but you've used the wrong 'it's/its' here! The apostrophe stands for a missing letter, right? That means 'it's' as you've used it stands for 'it is'. Surely you don't mean 'with it is plus, padded seat'. 'Its' is the correct word to use when you're expressing possession. Remember to fix this in the other place{s?} as well! ^_^

The other comment I had about this line would be punctuation. >_< I'd suggest a colon at the end of the first line rather than a period. You might always want to remove the comma after 'swing' as it serves no purpose. ^_^

It’s always there;

when the yellowed leaves

sail into it’s seat.

When the snow ices the surface

like frosting on a cake.

When the world gives birth

once again to endless

flowers and fruits.

When the summer rain

slowly washes away

the color from the swing’s

fragile skin.

Since this list doesn't have commas within the different items {the different sections that begin with 'when'}, you should probably use commas to separate the ideas rather than periods and use a colon up top in place of that semi-colon. ^_^ Also, would the leaves sail 'into' or 'onto' the seat? Would the snow 'ice' the surface or 'coat' the surface? Would the rain completely wash the color off or just 'fade' it? ^_^ I like the imagery you're choosing here, but you can word these sections better! ^_^

and I’m staying still.

In the place I love the most.

I don't think you need to separate this last sentence! It's a powerful statement, but you should connect it to the rest of the poem, otherwise its finality is too obvious. Teehee. C:

I really like the poem, but you might want to clean it up just a bit! Good work! ^_^

-Hannah-