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Removed.

Hello Pingu.

They're things that break and get replaced until they break again.

I like this. It reflects how whores would keep going for different people. It's a clever extended metaphor of plates.

She's shunning you again, like a fallen plate, always dipping lower until no matter how far you bend, you can't save the moment.

I think the fact that her grandmother did consider her in the will contradicts somewhat from "she's shunning you again." Hrmm but the simile and information that follows after it does equate well with the whole "shunning" idea.

She always loved your sister.

Nice idea placing that sentence as a paragraph to create the effect that her grandmother's love was directed only to her sister.

Rough and tumble, she said, don't be a baby, she said, it's only a game, she said

Ooo, effective way of characterizing the grandmother's nagging nature with the repetition.

Overall impressions:

This was striking and thought-provoking. Your use of the 2nd person point of view really helped in making me feel as though I'm the one who is the sinner. The idea of how the emotional welfare of whoring can lead to turmoil though the extended metaphor of plates is like nothing I've ever seen. It was also nice that you characterized the grandmother with the repetition of words and the comparision to the grand father. It makes her intimidating since it goes against the idea of males being superior to women in society and I like it! Hence, I was convinced ( and so will the readers) that I should listen to the grandmother or else there will be trouble.

I find little flaws with the piece, well done.

"Gold stars"

Andy.

You had some very good use of repetition here. That's usually something that's very hard to master without it becoming monotonous and over-used but you did it exceptionally well here, so hats off to you

It was quite confusing in parts, however, I mean that as a compliment because it made me think and I always like a piece better when it makes me think about it. It sparks off other thoughts in a readers mind.

And I loved your last line. It can be interpreted in so many different ways which again is good: it makes it relateable.

Overall: I loved this. I really thought it was fantastic. I didn't catch any grammatical or spelling errors so really well done

Sofi.

Wow I really loved this story. It really touched me an I can understand how family members seem to always have a favourite, and just criticise some things, which when repeated become almost a belief you have. I loved the metaphor of the plate, which is like the idea of how objects leave traces of memories depending on purpose.

-Flora

Thanks guys, for critiquing this. ^^

I'm really glad you all enjoyed it and got something from it.

Thanks again.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.