Young Writers Society

Cranberry splashes,
Glittering golds and browns;
Looming like the darkness,
Over hill, or tree -
Knoll and lane.

Shadows bowing,
Stretching and winding
Like that road we walked;
Memory lane?
Or just a coincidence?

Heys LizzyG. It took me a few reads but I think I like this. ^.^ Actually, I know I do. It's a little quirky and you have a level of description that just makes me imagine the scene. Lovely.

I would suggest the use of "or" in the fifth line of the first stanza. It fits in a little better with the line before it and give a further idea of the blurred line between the memory and the coincidence.

Mmm, indeed, I like this, shot and to the point but thoughtful and a little cryptic; some of my favourite things. Keep up the good work. ^.^

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

I like this! It's short and simple. A very 'cute' poem if I may say so. Nothing negative to say really... great job!

~Yoyo

Very good -I love the 'cranberry splashes' part. I'd have to say it's real descriptive. Lovely! ^.^

I liked the imagery in this; you did a real good job.

The rhythm worked with the flow so that the whole thing worked together; I like how it was so short and sweet.

I like it!

Its interesting how you made it give off a kind of vague or cryptic (Like PenguinAttack said) feeling even with the sharp imagery which is some thing I've always tried to do in the past.
(I don’t know if that made any sense to any one but me)

Anyway, enough embarrassing myself. I can't give any constructive criticism but I guess its always nice to know that some one likes your poem. ;D

It was... short. I'm still not sure if that's good or bad. It's good, because it's not a lot to read (which is great for my short attention span), but it's also bad, because with a poem this short, you really have to strain to fit your meaning into as few words as possible, and you run the risk of being too vague. This is borderline "too vauge"; I read through it a couple of times and still haven't found what you were trying to say, but I'm also kind of dumb, so it might be obvious for someone else.

To start off, "Cranberry splashes" was a great line. I'm not quite sure on the use of "lane" in the last line of stanza one, since you use it again in the second stanza. Maybe "alley" or something to that effect?

"Shadows bowing" in the second stanza kind of screws me up, because i'm now sure if they're "BOH-ing" or "BAU-ing". If it's the latter, then maybe "bending" would be a better word choice (again, I'm kind of dumb, so leave it if you must). Also, do shadows really wind? I don't think I've seen a winding shadow before. Your semi colon in the third line seems out of place. I'd go with a colon, since "Like that road we walked" leads into "Memory lane".

Overall, this was okay. I'm still lost at the meaning you're trying to convey, but maybe it'll come to me tonight in the shower. Great job.

It was short, sweet, and to the point, plus it was good. I think you conveyed your point fairly well in such a short poem. I did find it a little too short to understand it on the first read, but after about two times it made sense. I hope you continue writing poetry.

I liked it. It was short, but your descriptions are nice and the ending is deep. Good job.