Home

Home

Home is always there
Open and inviting
Merry and joyful
Everyone is family at home.
_______________________

Everybody fighting
Mom is crying, dad is drunk
Oh my God.
Home is a war zone.

Great idea to spell home down the side and then backwards-symbolizes the fact that everything is suddenly opposite. The last line of the first stanza didn't see to flow too well but overall I thought this was great. Good job.

Yeah i agree with matty b, I love how you spelt out the word home too. I think the first line flows ok, but i think the "oh my god" line doesnt. Heh, im not sure. A good little piece, i like it XD

I love this! Very creative. The first stanza is like coming home, and the second is like leaving it... Or contrasting a "normal" home with an "upside-down" home. Very awesome.

My only criticism is the "Oh my God" line. You have nice parallelism with the lines up to that point:

Home is always there/Home is a war zone.
Open and inviting/Oh my God.
Merry and joyful/Mom is crying, dad is drunk
Everyone is family at home./Everybody fighting

See what I mean? "Oh my God" isn't contradicting the "open and inviting" line. Maybe you could change it to something like, "Only fear lives here" or some other similar thing.

But good job overall! Like I said, this is very creative. Nice touch!

I agree with Crysi. I really liked this poem, but that Oh my God line seems more like you couldn't think of what else to put there. Awesome work!

I agree that the "Oh my God" was sort of dull, but all in all it was very creative. i didn't notice the HOME EMOH thing at all until it was pointed out, but once it was you'd be glad ot know that i let out a loud, obvious "oh" of understanding. i also didn't like this line:

Everyone family is at home

Basically I just don't think it flowed, but that's me being to critical for you!

I like how it contrasted. You read the first part, and it left a "Eh, that's okay, but she needs to be a little more original" impression. Then, when you read the next stanza, it was just... wow.

So, I liked it very much.

Like Crysi, I would make it a little bit more parallel. I also don't like the rhyming: "Home is a war zone." It just sounds to "o" to me.

I did like it though... very creative.

i agree with the other reviewers...the idea of spelling home down the side was great. the rhythm and wordin could take a little work but i like the blunt, honest idea of what 'home' can be thought of as. great job overall!

~mez~