To My Wayward Summer

A little poem I wrote in about 10 minutes, in needs work, any suggestions??


I feel as if life passes me by
Each and everyday
Because each and every day
I linger idly in thoughts of you
I take pause to remember the times
You were the sun that shined
Heating my frigid heart

Your sunshine
The elixir that brought me back
From a winters night
So cold beneath piles of blankets
Because the heaters broken
And the window shattered

The winter sneaks his cold arms around me
And whispers his hopeless song into my dreams
And to this song I danced
Trying to keep warm
But as it was the winters song
I never did get warm
Nor would I ever

Then the sun rose and with her came you
Summers freedom
You chased away the cold
Replacing his frosty arms
With fiery rays of something better
That summer was great
Me and you together each night
Content in each other embrace
Whispering stories of past mishaps
And future plans of endless heat

But the summers nights got to hot
And you slowly drifted away
Leaving me for nights at a time
Always you promised to come back
And each time you did
Later and later
With the fragrance of flowers
Clinging to your skin
And lingering in your hair

The heater was still broken
And the window still shattered
And in your absence
Winter snuck his way back in
wrapping his arms around me
Vowing to never let go again
He kisses my lips and enters my heart

So frozen is it now
Because my summer left me alone
To be the light for another
I guess I was naive
To think the summer would always be mine
So now I lie in this bed
Covered with frost
Remembering the sun
But knowing
It will never again kiss my skin

Okay, first I would like to say that your poem was lovely my sister. But there are things that confused me. Like in your fourth stanza you said

Then the sun rose and with her came you
Summers freedom
You chased away the cold

But nowhere else in the poem do you mention her. I believe that you should mention her a little more, but I do love how in your fifth stanza you say

Later and later
With the fragrance of flowers
Clinging to your skin
And lingering in your hair

as if saying that each night he would come in later and later at night smelling like her. I would have to say that you should add something more about her in there cause that part gave me a bit of confusion. Now that I've gotten that out of the way I would like to ask if you are talking about two different people when you are talking about summer and winter or if you are talking about the same person but with a different outlook? I'm not sure just it makes me wonder. Last but not least I would like to say that your ending was absolutely amazing. I loved it.

Hi there, SilentRain.

I believe this is a lovely poem. You're bringing us a good topic, your poem flows nicely and I think you chose your words carefully. Though, I have a problem with it; your start is weak. And this is because those first words are something we read in lots and lots of topics. I suggest you to take them and mend them 'till you make up some lines that express the same thing, but said with different words. I know you can do it, since the rest of your poem shows us your talent.

Great job!

~Solly<3