Stars that shine forever and ever.

Her name is Lucy, just by the way.

You are what you are -
A bright and important night's star.
Beautiful as can be,
And when I look up as far as I can see -
You glow. Oh, how you glow!
And I am but an onlooker, far, far below.

So pretty and so bright,
A deep, distant blue ember belonging to the night.
Awestruck, I sit at a loss,
As you sit heavenly deep within the cosmos.
And I think about your burning sun.
Of how your beauty won't ever be outdone.

I look in to your eyes.
And know why you remind me of the skies.
The humble, vibrant glint.
That gives off a diamond-like hint.
A smile so absurdly fantastic,
A presence so shining and enthusiastic.

A crystal clear, stary night,
That's beauty was so strong and bright.
Never to stop burning her flame, never!
She'll keep shining forever,
And ever.

Stars like opals locked glowing for eternity.
Diamonds in the sky, with Lucy.

Hello!

I like it how you have written your poem.
It shows how you marvel the stars at the universe and how amazed you are on their enchanting beauty.
I like it how you connect on your reader. While I was reading your poem, I can imagine the things that you have described.

~ Some Tips

Awestruck is a single word. A little bit enhancements on your phrasing and your poem is excellent.

God bless!

Awww... Hi again, my friend, Angus!

Lovely, as always. ^_^ You're great. And, I have to comment on your piece to say this: Have you notice this about romance poetry? They always talk about the moon and the starts, just like you have in this piece. But you manage to make it original, and creative. Also, I saw what you wrote in the description box. It'd be amazing if you write that insert that in your poem, too. xD "Her name is Lucy, by the way", because it was just too cute<3 Bahahah... xD

Keep writing!

~Solly<3

Hey, dogs here! Alrighty angus you have a great poem! I really like your imagist writing style that paints a clear idea in the reader. And the blue makes that star stick out more then any others in my mind which i think is what you were trying to do. So now that you have this strong image in the readers head, do something with it! Like what Lyria said, make your poem stand out! Try to do something no one else does, be original! I can't tell you idea's for what you shuld do cause then it really wouldn't be original.... but i do suggest you can either animate the sky, make that star do something more then just light up the night. Or you can make the star a character, give it feelings and emotions and thoughts. but that might conflict with your narrative style you already got going.

Now just a few couple nit picks as to making it flow better. So now the last line of the second stanza i don't like very much. "as you sit heavenly with the galaxies and cosmos", i really don't like the "galaxies and cosmos" part, in my mind it just breaks the flow cause it's a few to many syllables and it seems kinda forced.

Also in the third stanza. Really really really nice job at painting the image, you use strong words in this stanza which makes the image strong and we can feel your emotion, which is excellent! But really quick in the first line when you say "a simple stary night". why do you say simple? there might be something behind that which i don't know about but your saying how great this star is and how it lights up the night and then you say it's simple. Now if you are referring to the stary night before this beautiful blue star came into play and how it was simple before the blue star then it would work. But if you are trying to say that then it isn't clear to the reader that you are trying to say that.

In the same stanza when you say "for she'll keep shining forever" great line again! But i think you should take out the "for". i think it might make the flow even better then it already is.

Now for the last line, it makes me say "oh crap. This is frekan amazing!" great way to bring it back around, it's original, it's awsome, it's just plain fantastic.

all and all this is already a great poem, but if you add in some of these things that everyone above has mentioned then this can be an amazing poem! Best of luck to you and keep up the good work!!!!




TuckEr EllsworTh

Thanks for the reviews guys, I added in another paragraph to try and make it more original. What do you think?