How Two Things Fall Together

I pulled together a few things that
could really come together. Let’s just hope
these things don’t fall apart because it
is my life and all its little ships
sailing along in the waters of this
delicate thing.
Did I mention that I love you?

Uh, hi there spinelli.

Hmm... I like your poem. You managed to do well along your piece. But the end just left me hanging. >.< Seems like you randomly inserted that question after you were done with your poem. D: Perhaps you could find another way to say that, something that is not so worn out. Let your words fly around your imagination, take your time when writing poetry. That way, people would appreciate more the great writer that you are.

~Solly<3

Hello there! Thank you for the kind words, but just to clarify, I know exactly what you mean xD This was something of a stream of consciousness poem in which I wrote strictly what happened to be floating around my brain at the time. The ending question, when it ultimately meandered its way from my brain to the notebook paper, was a surprise to me, an almost out-of-place anomoly, however, I realize that the juxtoposition of something abstract to something so blatant and clear is the very thing I was going for. Writing the poem, all the words put before that final question more or less was simply the speaker beating around the bush, or at least the obvious statement that they are actually very thoroughly in love, which is a subject many people really do beat around the bush over. So I guess the whole question at the end just goes by the preference of the reader, and I just wanted to explain that to other prospective readers, but thank you for the review!

Alright, so this isn't BAD per-say, it has a form of a meter, and it flows well enough, but it isn't coherent. Something should be concise, coherent, and complete. Yours is none of that. First off:

I pulled together a few things that
Could really come together. Let’s just hope You said "together" in the line above, so saying it again just sounds awkward.
These things don’t fall apart because it
Is my life and all its little ships
Sailing along in the waters of this
Delicate thing.
Did I mention that I love you?

^That's just the basic, structural critique. On top of that, you don't explain anything, and this poem makes no sense. I feel like you're talking to me through an e-mail or something, not a poem. There is no emotion, and no story. You're basically saying "My life can't fall apart. I love you." Who it "you?" Why can't your life fall apart? Why are they all strung together perfectly? Why is it delicate? Who do you love? Why do you love them? What do they have to do with the delicate manner in which you've pulled your life together?
This isn't even really an outline. This isn't a complete thought at all. Expand is the only advice I can give you.

Spinelli!

Alright, so your poem is... yes, different. Not in a weird way, just in the way that - the reader needs to find a certain meaning among the various possibilities which the outline of the poem might present. According to me, I feel that the poem is about this nervous girl who wants to proclaim her love to her crush, but tries to beat around the bush so that he never suspects. But she loses her nerve in the end and just blabbers it out - "Did I mention I love you?".

I may be horribly wrong in my interpretation of the story of the poem but that's what I think the poem is about. Although it looks like just a group of words structured in a poetic manner, I can understand the mood behind the abruptness and the randomness of it all. Maybe you were actually aiming at writing something more meaningful (which would mean my explanation is wrong I'm sorry! lol), or maybe you just wanted to release an array of thoughts onto the screen, or maybe you wrote it out of some feelings or experiences that may have occurred in your life.

The poem can definitely be misleading as the last line and all the lines before it are in no way related. But nevertheless, there is something to take away from this.

Like I said, the possibilities are endless and thus the imagination can take charge. I don't know about the other reviewers, but according to me, this is an interesting piece. I'm sure that you are a talented writer and that there is more to the randomness at hand. I look forward to reading your other pieces as well. Keep the writing juice flowing!

Murtuza