Frustration.

5 posts
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Um...

It like walking on ice,
in socks.

Like singing,
without the words.

Its like losing the remote,
to a little brother.

Like the itch,
always needing a scratch.

It’s your mouth drying up,
when you talk to her.

It’s like writing,
with an empty pen.

Oh God, what’s it called?!




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Gosh that's awesome! I really like the ending! A couple nit-picky things:

It's like walking on ice,
in socks.

It should be it's.

It's like losing the remote,
to a little brother.

Missed an apostrophe, no biggie. This sentence gave me the exact feeling you want to give the reader. FRUSTRATION! Anyway...

It’s your mouth drying up,
when you talk to her.
I feel like this isn't as frustrating as it could be. Maybe do something like: It's like stuttering, when you talk to her. Or, It's like being/acting (like) a jerk, when you talk to her. Just a suggestion!

I really love this. You captured different kinds of frustration, which is super cool. Nice job.
Life is not about how you sing in the sun, it is about how you dance in the rain.




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Points 394
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Wow! I literally felt your frustration just by reading that. Well done yet again, PollarBear! You always manage to come up with a very simple but effective poem, and I love it! My favourite line had to be the last one,
Oh God, what's it called?!
I thought that was great. I hate losing the remote to my brother as well, I'm glad I'm not alone!
The only query I had was with the beginning of some of your lines, you didn't have the apostrophe in between 'it's'.
But apart from that just keep doing what you're doing. Great stuff!
We are the Music-makers. And we are the dreamers of dreams.




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Points 818
Reviews 52
My gramar isnt very good. Sorry about that. Thanks for your comments!




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Gender Female
Points 284
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Hey there, me again! This was great, but I liked Envy more ;) There were just a few grammar mistakes but I really liked the ending. One thing that I didn't get was the "Um..." at the beginning. Is that intentional? I could just be missing something, which is probably the case, but I thought I'd point it out anyway. Keep writing, you've got talent!

~Jess
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“The circus arrives without warning.
No announcements precede it.
It is simply there,
When yesterday it was not.”

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Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
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