Used and Forgotten

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Like a toy
I lie here now,
used and forgotten.

I wait for someone to remember
to come and rescue me.

Like a toy
I am broken
used and forgotten
with no one to rescue me.
Never to be remembered.
Last edited by dasiamari on Fri Mar 12, 2010 5:09 am, edited 2 times in total.
Know that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she'll think of me as a plain old Jain told a story 'bout a man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. ~Train




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Reviews 34
Hey, dasiamari! I'll be reviewing this here poem today! :D

First, let me say that I'm not the best at poetry, so I apologize if this review doesn't help you a lot!
I like this a lot. I like all the emotion behind it. It's so short, but it's says so much. Just a few things a caught, though:
to come and rescue me .
and
with no one to rescue me .

Just a little typing error: there shouldn't be a space before the period.

Like a toy
I lie here now
used and forgotten.

I would put a comma after now.

Like a toy
I am broken
used and forgotten
with no one to rescue me .
Never to be remembered.

I think there should be a comma after broken and maybe even after used. I think this is a personal choice, though, just like the one above this. :).

That's all I found! Great work! :D
~~Lee-Anna
Please forgive me if I over-edit anything of yours.




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Gender Female
Points 248
Reviews 65
Wow when I go back and look at my old poems compared to my new its like "Wow, you still suck!" :P
Know that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she'll think of me as a plain old Jain told a story 'bout a man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. ~Train



This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy