Our Own Species

Embarrass me
I'll embarrass you
Fight with siblings
Then blow curfew.

I'll scream when you talk
and cry if you listen
sleep with my teddy
then Chris and Eddie.

Daddy will kill
Momma will shout
Eddie will cry
and Chris will pout.

I'll sneak out with friends
And go to the pool
Smoke by the river
So I'm not uncool.

I'll drink til I'm sick
I party til dawn
Beg you to get me
Cause Chris is with Whitney.

Spoiler

Messing with some different rhyme schemes.

Hey there, Bryn.

To be honest, I usually am not a fan of rhyming poetry, and I think that’s mostly due to the fact that rhymes are so lackluster these days; they are either forced in under pressure or old, overused cliché words that don’t do the poem any justice; however, this doesn’t [i]seem[/I ] to be the case with this poem. While it’s certainly nothing that will change my life forever, it’s a fun piece that’s a good quick insight into a teenage girl’s head…or at least the teenage girl narrating the poem.

As far as my own high school years went, I’ll say you’ve got it. Now, there’s obviously room for improvement in every piece, and I think the major thing you should focus on here is your rhythm. There are places where it feels like you’ve paid enough attention, and then there are neglected places where it just stumbles. The easiest way to do this is to count syllables—print out your poem and take a pen, and write out the number of syllables on each line. And make them fit the pattern you want. You have plenty of small and alternate words at your disposal, so rhythm should never be a problem.

The last stanza made me laugh, actually. I know it’s supposed to be a sad point, but since teenage drama is teenage drama, it just made me laugh. But you did bring it back around nicely, and I appreciate that.

Unfortunately, that’s all I have to say—other than that I changed the rating to 16+ for the mention of adult themes! I hope this helps, so let me know if you have any questions or comments.

-Lumi

ahh,now i know how it looked for a lyric poetry. hahah. i was just posting a poem and i don't have any clue of these lyric dramatic narrative poetry anyway,awesome poetry! <3