Cry Sweet Child

Spoiler

I wrote this poem for my first true love a couple weeks ago. We live 12 hours away from each other, and we both don't belive in long distance relashionships, so we are waiting for Univeristy till we can finally be togther. I love you Bruce.

Cry Child
Cry with me
We are one
We are we

This tree has grown
and so have we
we are apart
but we are we

Cry Sweet Child
for you have grown
whetherin triumph
or whether in moan

All is in the past
though I have no tears to shed
Cry my sweet child
and gracefully lay your head




If we were still togther
this poem we would share
of us growing older
and of us growing fair
although we would leave each other
our hearts would still be strong
we would find each other again
and our love would never again be prolonged

woah,
It has a nice rythm, nice flow
The message is, how do I say this, Beautiful?
Touching at the least.
Its not pretending to be an epic, this is good.
its Sweet, and to the point. Leaving a lot for the imagination to fill in, I like this.

This tree has grown
and so have we
we are apart
but we are we

I especially like this little segment. It does seem sad, but it has a certain "feel good" to it.

This is such a sweet poem! And I feel so shameful for reviewing something that doesn't even sound like it needs to be reviewed. *Hangs head in shame* But, then again, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? So first critique: Punctuation please? This poem, sweet as it is, needs a little punctuation. At least a full stop, period, whatever you call it. And a comma too.

Cry Child.
Cry with me.
We are one,
we are we. (I like this line.)

This tree has grown,
and so have we.
We are apart
but we are we.

Cry Sweet Child
for you have grown
whether(Space.) in triumph,
or whether in moan.

All is in the past
though I have no tears to shed.
Cry my sweet child
and gracefully lay your head.

(Why so much space? You don't need it.)


If we were still together
this poem we would share,
of us growing older
and of us growing fair.
Although we would leave each other
our hearts would still be strong.
We would find each other again
and our love would never again be prolonged.

Overall, sweet and beautiful.
~HPR~