What Lies Within

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The charcoal black of the night sky spread over the town, a velvet blanket, covering those who walked below in impenetrable darkness. The cold stone buildings of the town soared up into the sky like gigantic metallic flowers
towering over those who walked by down the cobbled streets.
Alex breathed in deeply letting the cold crispness of the night sky rush through his body and fill his lungs with ice-cold air. He smiled to himself showing off his brilliant white teeth that shone brightly in the darkness. He thought, he looked well for his age; slim but not frail, he had kept himself in good shape through regular exercise. His hair was short but nowhere near balding and still maintained its deep brown colour with only a few streaks of grey. He rarely did these things himself anymore and he realised now how much he had missed it, the rush of adrenaline that it always gave him.
The night was his favourite time of the day; in it he could move through the streets invisible to those around him. This allowed him to carry out his work without any irritating disturbances he had found during the middle of the day, when the sun was high in the sky covering the town in a revealing bright light that was difficult to hide from.
He scanned the street with his piercing blue eyes looking for his target. He spotted him moving briskly forward, his long brown hair blowing wildly in the wind.
Then suddenly in one startling movement he moved forward, transforming himself into a tall elegant women, her face a perfect soft oval, her deep almond eyes, standing out against her dark chocolate brown skin, her long black hair hanging loosely over her shoulders. She moved gracefully on after the man, taking soft light steps.
The man walked with great urgency through the maze of dark narrow streets.
Petrified, his milky white skin covered in a layer of goose bumps, every few seconds he took a nervous glance behind him, his pale green eyes filled with fear.
It would have been impossible to escape from her, however because she moved with such mesmerising speed, and with incredible quietness as if she had become one with the wind, flowing through the streets after the man.
The man took a sudden sharp right turn down a street with an amazing white marble church sparkling brightly in the moonlight at the bottom. His pace quickened as he was filled with a renewed purposefulness, clearly close to his desired destination that he had been so intent on reaching. It was now or never the woman decided it was time to reveal herself.
“ Are you Tony Summers?” she said in a high clear voice that cut like a sharp knife between the roar of the wind.
He jumped clearly startled by the sudden presence of the women behind him. He took a long deep breath to compose himself and turned slowly to face her. As he looked at her he gaped, his jaw hanging down his mouth forming a perfect “O”.
He absorbed her astonishing beauty, her strong high cheekbones, complementing her beautiful soft skin, her lips parting as she smiled revealing her perfect teeth as white as pearls.
His moment’s pause was fatal, in one sudden quick powerful move, her hand jerked out of her jacket and a long sharp blade was thrust between his ribs. The man let out a long anguished cry, blood gushing out of him and onto the smooth cobbles of the path beneath him.

The first move had been made the war had begun.
*
Chapter one
It was a beautiful summers the day, the sun shone brightly in the sky, basking those below in a warm, radiant glow. Jack lay spread out on the school field his dark black hair covering his hazel eyes that were peacefully shut. He let the warm sun relax his body, listing to the wind in the trees, and the steady calming rhythm of the birds. In fact he was so relaxed that he had drifted off to sleep and therefore was quite startled when he heard a voice next to him waking him up.
“Better get to our next lesson, don’t wont to be late for maths Mrs Rodgers has already got it in for me” said John who was lounging next to him. It was true although she could hardly be blamed as he and John spent most of the time talking or laughing and rarely actually doing much maths work.
“Your not just distracting yourselves from working your also stopping the rest of the students from learning,” she often said which he felt was largely unfair as he was just talking, whilst Greg Johnson was wandering aimlessly around the classroom threatening and terrorising any of his other class mates who had the audacity to be getting on with their work.
Yet again though she could hardly be blamed, he was huge with arms like long blocks of stone, his muscles bulging up against the skin, to say that he was built like a tank would be an understatement. His legs were just as strong and he had the hunched over posture of a ox or a large bear his shoulders slumped as if the sheer weight of supporting his big ugly head was too much for them to bear. He had medium length dirty brown hair that flopped against his forehead covering his green eyes. His eyebrows were constantly pointed downwards, his teeth clenched in a permanent almost comical expression of anger. Last time Mrs Rodgers had dared to challenge him, he had hurled a chair at her. It had narrowly missed her head clattering violently against the wall. So therefore she could hardly be blamed for being cautious of upsetting him.
They sauntered off at a casual pace towards the school the sun shining onto them and warming their backs.
“How’s it going with Hollie?” I asked casually.
“Brilliant mate, she definitely likes me I can tell.” Said John smiling at him arrogantly. He always seemed to have much more luck than Jack with girls, boasting that he had a “sixth sense” about them. He was not a classically good looking in the conventional sense; he had reddish brown hair, a rounded slightly plump face, and a ungainly, almost disproportionate body but he carried it with such cocksure confidence that he tricked you into thinking he was good looking, he was fully behind the belief that if you acted like a model people would treat you like one. He presented himself well with carefully styled hair, and he always wore the most fashionable clothes, but he didn’t care, and that lack of concern about his faults is what Jack believed made him so attractive to others.
“I know what women like and what they want,” he was always telling him. Of course he knew everyone better than John ever could but he would not use this as an advantage to get lots of girlfriends. He would not become a monster. He would not become his father.
They came up to the school, it looming up before them like a giant, ugly insect. Jack signed inwardly the sight of it always make him feel ill.
“What a shit hole.” John said with a sigh.
“Well that’s a subtle way of putting it.” Jack chuckled.
It wasn’t in the best of repair the wooden doors and windows were old, mouldy and peeling. Many of them had been smashed so many times that the school had crudely replaced the windowpanes with rolls of sellotape. The dull brown bricks of the school were wearing down and large chunks of them were missing.
Jack pushed open a big heavy door and walked into the dimly-lit corridor, the lights flickered. They turned left and up a flight of old-fashioned wooden stairs with wide banisters that they held onto as they walked up.
Once up the stairs they came across another corridor the lights working better along this one, reflecting against a neatly polished mahogany floor. This part of this school was newly refurbished and was looked after well. After a short walk they came across a pale wooden door, with mathematics written across it in elegant black letters on a white laminated piece of card. They pushed open the door and walked into the classroom.
Jack was immediately hit by a wall of sound, a huge eruption of human voices, the high-pitched squeal of marker pen on the white board and the soft scratching of pen on paper.
They took their seats next to each over at the back of the class, slamming down their bags on the floor before reaching into them and scrambling around for their books.
“Nice of you to join us gentleman,” said Mrs Rodgers with sarcastic politeness.
She was a stout woman, with short legs and fat belly that bulged against her too small T-shirt. She wore heavy horn rimmed glasses that were perched on the end of her nose, magnifying her chestnut brown eyes.
He looked around the class sheepishly avoiding her unyielding stare. That’s when he noticed her. It would have been impossible not to, such was her incredible beauty. She had deep blue eyes the colour of an idyllic tropical sky that glittered brightly in the sunlight. They shone like jewels against the soft milky, cream of her skin, her hair a warm nutty brown, cascading down in elegant waves to her shoulders, and framing her oval face perfectly. There was something about her beauty that was slightly inhuman like, a goddess ripped from the page of ancient Greek mythology.
However, this was not what brought her to his attention it was the silence that occupied her mind.
Right from when he was little he could always hear others thoughts but not just that, he could manipulate these thoughts to his liking. This meant that he could get what he wanted, whenever he wanted. But whenever the thought of using his ability crossed his mind he was reminded of his father and the consequences of giving in to temptation. What he had promised himself he would never become. But now it seemed as though with this girl he did not need to try, he could not hear a single thing from her mind and he found this unnerving, unsettling and deeply disturbing because he had never encountered this before. Not once, not ever.
What the fuck, are you looking at?
He jumped about a foot in the air, his eyes wide and startled. This had not been spoken it had been sent with her mind. It flowed through him like an electric shock, sending a sharp pain down his spine.
Did you think you were the only one? Are you really that naïve?
He stared at her in shock and bewilderment. This was impossible, unbelievable How was she doing this?
Yet to not use your ability you must be, how could you possibly ignore such a gift otherwise? She mused. Tell you what I will meet you tonight at seven in that coffee place Ashcourt road, and then maybe we can have a proper conversation. Okay?
Alright then he answered hesitantly.
Good see you there then. Now get back to your algebra.
As he looked across she gave him a long sly smile showing her dazzlingly white teeth.
“ Are you alright mate? You have gone as white as a sheet? John whispered in his ear bringing him back to his senses
“Yeah, yeah I am fine. You see that girl over there.” He asked him.
“ Yeah course I do, bit hard not to don’t you think?” He said smiling widely from ear to ear.
“ I am gonna ask her out on a date tonight…”
“ Woah man , I am all for this new bit of confidence but don’t you think that’s a bit forward.” He interrupted in that all wise and knowing tone that, he found extremely irritating.
“ Nah, it should be okay, but in case I get stood up or something could you perhaps go down with Holly or whatever her name is. So I can just come and chat with you.” He continued hiding his annoyance.
“Yeah sure man that would be fine. What time and where? Replied John
“That Italian coffee place on Ashcourt Road, at seven.” Jack said repeating what the girl had told him.
“Yeah alright, I will be there.” He answered in a casual tone.
Of course on a normal date, John would have been the last person he would want to be anywhere near him. This was because he had the ability to outshine anyone; he always made him feel ordinary and average compared to him. He always said things that were funny and clever, holding everyone’s attention whilst he got ignored.
However, this was not an ordinary date. He did not trust this girl one bit and she seemed dangerous. But curiosity had overcome him. She had his ability and knew everything about him and his ability. He needed know how? Therefore it seemed like a good idea to invite John he needed someone he could trust in the room with him.
He was distracted for the rest of the lesson, ignoring most of John’s chatter about what shameless activities he had been up to with Holly. He couldn’t take his eyes off her watching her every move. Once in a while she would catch him doing this and wink mischievously at him. Suddenly his life had got a whole lot more interesting.
Last edited by Ehaynes1 on Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:07 am, edited 1 time in total.




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I really liked this piece. I thought you were very precise and accurate with your language and I la-la-loved the end paragraph. A question I have on my mind, which I shouldn't ask but kinda want to know, is this: why did you drop the f-bomb at the beginning of the paragraph? That may sound stupid to you, but as the reader I felt it a little unnecessary and I felt, personally, that it was only dropped in to give the character a sarcastic feel. This may be completely 100% wrong, but that's how I felt throughout your piece. It also seemed to lack in action- for a first chapter it needs to be more exciting. Leave the character development until later; your action needs to grip your reader at the start. I also felt you telled us what happened rather than showing it, so it loses it's momentum when you constantly inform us on a key event in your story. To avoid the whole story consisting of "and then this happens, and then this happens" you must describe in a lot more detail about what is going in. If someone's wearing a coat, show us it's colour. If music is playing, give me the music. Make it as cinematic as possible. And then you'll have a story :)




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The f word not really used as sarcastic. The reason I used it was to hopefully to try and shock the reader as the character is shocked and it can sometime be effective way to so that plus I also wanted o juxtapose a kind of initial aggressiveness of e character with the image of her as sterotypially beautiful. May remove it not sure. Also this is part of a much bigger novel and not just a short story and so therefore I would disagree about the action as I need to develop characters in order for people to care about them when action does happen. Thanks for comment anyway I am sure it could do with some work on it. I did initially write a long time ago now.




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Very descriptive. I like where it's heading and the characters are interesting.



We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.
— Ernest Hemingway