The Magi {Ch. 10}

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So, it's been since May that I posted in this novel. It's so good to be back. I know, it's been a really really really long time. :D I'll give a quick recap of what just happened.

The kids got transported again, and now there in some kind of building, strapped down and have been whipped. Ava and Moonie had a conversation, and he told her she's good and evil, basically. So now she's all like WHOA.
This chapter doesn't have anything really happen, it's just really them eating. But, it's not fast paced, and there is lots of questions risen that Ava is trying to answer.



Ten:
Don’t fear me, fear my soul.
~Unknown

Ava sat there, tears filling her eyes. What the heck did he mean by me not believing? I believed every single stinking lie he told me. Every single stupid thing. Why didn’t I notice anything sooner? Why didn’t Kevin, or Greg or Titana?

But you did suspect something, a voice said in her head. Nina’s of course. How many times did you say, ‘this man is to evil to be good?’ How many times Ava?

Could I really have a drop of blood from both? Ava thought; her brow furrowed in concentration. Good and bad, truth and lies at the same time? Could I? It seemed unbelievable. Someone was stirring, She looked to see who it was, and saw it was Kevin. “Kevin?” She whispered.
“Ashes?”
“Mmhmm, Kevs are you okay?”
“My back is stinging. Why is that?”
“You were… whipped. I think we all were. “
“All of us?”
“Yep, you know me, you and Greg…”
“Who is Greg?”
“Our friend. Greg. Tatiana’s boyfriend.”
“I don’t recognize any of those people. Are you sure I know them?”
“Yes! Greg is one of your closest friends…. Do you remember me?”
She prayed that his answer would be yes, not no.
“Yeah you’re Ava. My girlfriend."
“Thank God. Thank the dear Lord in heaven above. Thank God.”
She stopped herself from saying thank God again, and watched him as he tried to move. “Why can’t I move?” he asked, his eyes darting around.
“You’re held by bands to a massage chair like thing.”
“Oh. Okay.”

His brow was furrowed, as though he was confused about something. "I'm trying to remember..." he said, after he was silent for a while.
"Don't. Just take deep breaths and try to calm down."
His face was red from the stress of being pressured, something that always happened when he was worried. They lay there, uncomfortable, the bands slowly getting tighter. At first, Ava thought it was just her mind, imagining things. But, as time progressed, it began to feel tighter and tighter. She gasped, fear rising in her throat, and tried to breathe. Don't think about it. She thought, trying to calm her palpitations with deep breaths. At one point, she cried out, as the metal pinched her arm.
"Are you okay?" a voice mumbled from her other side.
"Greg?"
"Yes, Ava?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yes. Why wouldn't I be? Youch!" He looked around, and out of the corner of his eye, spotted the strikes on his back, red with burns. "What happened? Where are we?"
Ava, trying to ignore the pinching from the bands, turned her head towards Greg. "They found us. Brought us here... I'm not sure..." These sentences were so simple. So fragmented; she closed her eyes and prayed she didn't go crazy.
The bands, which had been squeezing her arms so hard, were suddenly releasing. A spring behind her back, gently launched her into the air, and she landed on the cold marble floor.

Greg rolled across, and sat up, wincing. "Ouch."
Ava, looking at him closely saw his hands shaking. "One of you damaged mentally, one physically,"
The phrase she had forgotten about, until this moment rang in her ears. She had supposed, Greg wracked with pain for Titi, would have been the one damaged mentally. However, Kevin was the one who couldn't remember Tatiana or Greg.
Standing up, Ava looked around. White walls, grey marble floors. In the corner was a metal table, with three chairs around it. Sitting on it was three sets of meals, on metal trays. The massage chairs, whose bands had disappeared, looked like hospital beds. That's all there was in this room. Except for a window that overlooked a glowing sunset. And a medallion on the wall.
Greg was still sitting on the floor examining his hands. Kevin's springboard hadn't even activated, though he was released. His face was shoved to the side, and his eyes were trained on the food, that was steaming invitingly.

Ava looked around and walked too it. Moonie had taught them how to tell if the food had been poisoned, but he probably knew ways to hide the poison. She picked up the roll, unappetizing in color, but good and wholesome inside. Nothing she could see, but still, what if?
They could all be dead in a matter of seconds if it was poisoned.
She thought about what Moonie had once told them, in their lessons. "I know poisons that could kill you in less than a second. I know others that take hours of unendurable pain."
Ava shivered, and then walked away. "Greg," she said, deciding on the spot he would most likely be able to answer her question. "Do you think this could be poisoned?"
She would keep hers and Moonie's conversation to herself. Keep the fact that Moonie was a bad guy to herself. She couldn't tell them. They'd probably faint from shock, and that's the last thing she needed.
Greg took the roll, and examined it carefully, not asking any questions. "No."
Ava, raising her eyebrows whispered, "Why?"
"Because he doesn't smell like anything except bread. Most poisons smell of something. I've never heard of an odorless poison."

A light bulb flicked on in Ava's head. "Of course! I forgot Moonie gave you more training then the rest of us on poisons."

Greg nodded. "Yeah. We can eat this."
Ava grabbed the roll and replaced it on the tray. "Come and eat everyone."

Kevin walked over, and wrapped his arms around her. She winced, and he drew back. "I forgot about your whip marks." He said, his eyes darting around.
"It's okay." Ava stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek.
They sat down, not talking, but looking around as they ate the food. A roll each, plus some watery soup and a piece of dry roast beef. Ava swallowed hard, and took a sip of the clear water, looking around.

There wasn't much to see. The most interesting thing in the room was the large black medallion, on the white stone walls, a Large letter P that had what looked like leaves encircling and growing out of it. Having eaten all she could of her dinner, Ava walked over to the wall. Examining it, she saw nothing out of the ordinary. Nevertheless, she was so sure that it was something important...

She walked slowly around the room, but nothing like the large P was in the room. Nothing different, same uniform walls.
She stopped in the middle of the room, and felt Greg's and Kevin's eyes on her back. "I'm going to sleep," she said, not being able to stand the quiet. She pressed her face into the padding on a massage chair, and tried to keep the emotions that were flickering across her face, from spilling out...
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame




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Finally! I've been waiting a long, long time to read this. You have me freaking out about it all over again! But now.....
Okay, this is a very interesting development- She decided NOT to tell them for one thing, when it's something that COULD get them all killed later... And poor Kevin! How can he not remember anyone else? I smell some serious plot in the air..... This is great- with the room and the poison check, it actually seemed like a lot more than just them eating. Please write more- I want to keep reading! ^^
something something dragons something something open to conversation
Been quiet for a couple years, we'll see how this one goes.




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Yay! I'm finally reading more! Don't say that they're only eating because this chapter (in my mind) could be thought of as a door opening, leading to a bunch of things such as character development, plot thickening/defining, and maybe the most important of all, but do I see a climax coming? Or is it too early...? Well, I guess I'll have to wait and see what you do. I can't wait! Keep writing!!! I MUST read more!




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Hi again ^_^ I really appreciate the updates you PM me, it gives me the budge I need to actually review xD I'm always excited to see a new chapter of this story.

“Who is Greg?”
“Our friend. Greg. Tatiana’s boyfriend.”
“I don’t recognize any of those people. Are you sure I know them?”
“Yes! Greg is one of your closest friends…. Do you remember me?”
She prayed that his answer would be yes, not no.
“Yeah you’re Ava. My girlfriend."
“Thank God. Thank the dear Lord in heaven above. Thank God.”
She stopped herself from saying thank God again, and watched him as he tried to move. “Why can’t I move?” he asked, his eyes darting around.


I thought here there was something missing in their reactions. Clearly, Kevin is suffering from some pretty huge memory loss. I thought it was a little weird that Ashley was like 'don't you remember them?' '...no..' 'do you remember me?' '...yeah..' Whew! Thank God! He remembers me!'
I just thought that she was being a little selfish there. Shouldn't she be very worried that he can't remember anything else BESIDES her?

Other than that, I thought this was a smooth chapter. I hope you'll write more soon!
black
The bad news is we don't have any control.
The good news is we can't make any mistakes.
-Chuck Palahniuk




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Hey Lamster! *hugs*

Dear, I am so sorry I got to this so late. But I had this idea I had to had to write or else I'd have felt miserable. Even though I'm still not finished with it, I felt bad leaving the reviewing pieces. So here I am! :)

I really like quotes in the beginning of chapters. Just a slight trouble here. You need to italicize them so they stand out differently from the others. :) Just take care of that.

But you did suspect something, a voice said in her head.You gotta get rid of the italics in the part after the comma.

Nina%u2019s, of course.


%u2018this man is to evil too be good?%u2019 How many times, Ava?


Don't think about it. She thought, trying to calm her palpitations with deep breaths.
This sentence is wrong, technically. I'll just write how it actually should be. Don't think about it, she thought, trying to calm her palpitations with deep breaths. I hope you get the difference.

Ava looked around and walked too it.
This sentence is not right...walked too it? I think you just did it by mistake.

A roll each, plus some watery soup and a piece of dry roast beef.
Watery soup? I think [i]soup[/i] is watery. :)




So finally you posted the chapter after so much time. Okay, so now back to the review. :)

I think that this chapter was uneventful. I don't want to be too harsh on you or something, but I honestly felt this chapter could be ten times better than it already is. There's something missing in it. I loved reading the earlier chapter, but this time around I just didn't feel really interested.

Somewhere I felt you were trying to rush up things. There was so much which you could've expressed, like how Ava is really stressed and worried of handling Kevin after all the mental reduction he's going through. Also, besides that you could've experimented with the way she felt being there. How it was so suffocating for her to be confined to a single room. You could have done a lot with it, but you just didn't.

Alright, the good thing(because there has to be one) probably about this has to be the Kevin forgetting Greg. I'm not appreciating the scene you wrote, even though it wasn't bad and with little tweaking can definitely turn better, but I was talking about the very fact he's forgotten everyone except for Ava. I just am waiting to know if this is another of Magi's plans for making Kevin forget everyone except for Ava. I can't really wait to know.


Okay, to be honest, I'm not sure what I really want to say. It's like I know there's a problem but I'm not able to point what it is. So, I'd advise you to read this chapter on your own, without any biases, and then try looking out for problems that you might have done or things you could improve on. I seriously believe that self editing is the best job and you can be the best critique of your work. :)

I'm not sure if I helped you, and am sorry if I didn't. I'll try making up for this review next time.

Just one last thing-you can do a lot better. Your last chapter(9) proved that. :)

Mia!
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

— Paramore



The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate.
— O. Henry (William Sydney Porter)