if life could just have UNDO button....!!!

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prologue
"i wished i have never done this..!!"..is the word that i use first in the morning!! there are many things that all of us regret doing. all of us regret committing a stupid mistake.life is full of all these faults. of 'course no one is perfect.!!
but i...,i used to consider myself as "GOD'S FINEST CREATION EVER"!! but i have stopped saying that long back. well..,i suppose i haven't introduced myself yet..,well.,i am eleanor hewger . from northumberland.
but i am presently stuck in malibu,california.!! oh shit!! this thought make butterfly jumps in my stomach.i am in high school,.i hardly have any friends here,a girl that i talk to in latin class is kayleigh stanley, and the one i talk to in spanish is franscesca greengrass. they both are nice,i think . my mom and dad has left me here to study. by the way, my mom's bethany and my dad's ackerley..!! actually they both are having a rough time,and they figure out if they let me go,they will have more time to be alone and solve issues and i and my studies won't be affected by this all.i agreed and now i regret!!




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Okay, Hi youngtalentkritz. To tell you the truth, this was... um, confusing. I didn't understand this at all. LIke, yeah sure, I understood the plot but it was too fast. You added random things that really do not need to be there. It's way to short to even be reviewed throughly. Too many explanation marks. Your writing lacks density. Sorry if I'm harsh, but this is bad. The only way you can get better is really writing more often, reading more books, (maybe ones you hate becuase then you really concentrate only on the writing style). Just try and try harder with writing. If you do want help with it, just ask me.

Nike :)

Keep Writing!
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




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This review will be brutal, read if you dare.
CAPITALIZATION! The first letter of every sentence, proper nouns, and the I's need to be capitalized. Just do it! The extra periods you put in when you end a sentence are not necessary. Ditto with the exclamation points, it makes your writing weaker. Some of these sentences are only incomplete fragments of a sentence and others simply sound like your rambling. You need to proofread. Pretty, pretty, please proofread!
I apologize if I wasn't very nice. I love your concept but I really think your writing could be improved.
"His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone’s left shoe."




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This almost seems like it's about you...
But my goodness, the grammar here, it makes everything rather unclear.
I agree with the above comments, you should try studying the styles of other authors and studying grammar a bit more. Writing gets far easier when you read what others have done, take note on how the language is, see how the paragraphs are spaced, etc.
You could become a fantastic writer if you keep trying, though!
Good luck!
"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." -Albert Einstein




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I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps these were all typos and you didn't have enough time to revise? As for the story itself, there isn't much going on. You don't specify why the MC wishes for a do-over. She's living by herself in Malibu , CA. That doesn't seem too bad. Why does she hate being alone? We don't know. Why was this a bad decision? We don't know. You can expand on that, and the depth of your story will also grow. Right now, you've just scratched the surface. You have an idea, so make it clear so that you can share it with the rest of us. Remember, you aren't there to explain what the text means, we as readers only know what's written here. If you need help with grammar, I suggest "Eats shoots and leaves", my English teacher says it's a great book. Or like other reviewers have said, read more English novels or articles. Your grammar will definitely improve if you do that, and your story will not be seen for the technicalities, but the actual content. Good luck, and happy writing! If these are just typos, I would be willing to look at it again after revision. Feel free to PM me.

-Crescent
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(



We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.
— Ernest Hemingway