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Hey, great story! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and loved every part of it! But I'll be honest and say that I didn't quite understand the last bit. What exactly had happened there? And there were many few moments when I was completely lost while reading your story and had to continuously go back and recall all the events to proceed reading further. But besides that, I'd say the plot was awesome! The description unique as well as the storyline. Great work, I hope to see more of your work in the future!

The story is great and has an amazing potential. The only problem I had with it is that it left too many many aspects of the story unanswered and overall it did not feel complete. That is to say if felt like the beginning chapter of what would be a novel or a book. The ending also confused me a bit; I wasn't sure who was the last person Nick called and what happened. Some paragraphs lacked transition and in places the transition felt very rough. As I mentioned above there were too many questions left unanswered and without the answers to them the story becomes meaningless. Again, with the amount of material presented in this story it warrants at least three or more chapters and overall if continued I believe it could make a great children's book.